First Hand Experience: The Ups And Down Of A Cab Driver

I have telled  you before that there was time i had stepped on barefoot, yeah, for quit sometime. Luckily for me, i had an old car that i converted into taxi. During that 'dry' season, i was trapping near Nakumatt downtown, the one that was burnt by fire of gas, next to Nairobi stalls.  During the day, my customers were people buying stuff from Nakumatt and at night, people coming from bars along Moi avenue and Kimathi street. That should tell you that i used to work for almost 24 hrs, especially from Friday to Sunday and holiday eves. And you say taxi business is easy. It is like Matatu drivers and conductors. Some of them work for 24hrs, so forgive them when they talk bad to you on road, it is because of working for loong hours.

During the day, when there were no customers, we used to sit on our cars' bonnet and beat stories.  Around Nairobi stalls, i became very popular with ladies that were written around there. I befriended them and told them that when they want to go home at night, they should bring their business to me. If it was their boyfriends paying, whatever amount is paid, i will give them 30%.  I happened to climb several of them in the process, and besides the tu-exhbitionists, i also happened to bump into others along the way. I remember one lady that i dated after making a kill, and when we sit in Jazz bar, her friends come and greet us. She introduce me to the girls as her boyfie. They smile and leave. Later, they meet in toilet and ask ' Ati you said who is that guy?' She say her new boyfie. They laugh loudly and tell her  'oooii nu utoi wanjohi. Kuri mundu mumaraya agakira wanjohi. Ngwiciria irima riria atari aingira exhibition icio cia Moi Ave no itarike (ooi  who doesnt know Wanjohi. Is there a prostitute than Wanjohi. i think there is no hole in all Moi Ave. exbition he has never entered. The one he has never enter can be counted'  When she came back to me, she looked so sad and refused to remove thururari for me.

 Most of those i climbed were drunk and angry or frustrated by their boyfriends, others, their men winked at some girls in the club and in protest, they walk out on them.  Others, their men must go home to their wives. Others, their friends that they came with in club were fungwad and they were unlucky that night and had to go home alone and still others, they come with jamaz, and the jamaz finish money and run away, leaving the poor girls in bars.  If you dont know, those are the easiest category to lay at any time of the day. You will be lucky to meet such a girl at night.  Kweli rongo?

I also had other categories that we got used to each so much that when i feel my tree stand small, i call them and ask:

'Hello, kianda nikwega' (Hello, is down good?) This was a mandatory question, and even now it is, unless you want to drive all the way and find the woman is raining. If they say yes, i tell them 'ndirenda guka kuhutia tiita' (I want to come and touch the clit). They would say 'kai uruaraga wanjohi. No uka nitukuona ' (do u get sick wanjohi? but come we will see. ) Others i would call and tell them, ' ndoka hau nja hanyu uke thuruari i mutwe' (when i come at your gate, come with thuruari on head)

Away from that, today, i will tell you my worst experience with people of out. One day, my customer call me. She say she is at Psys, Langata rd and when she is drunk, she does not drive. She ask me to go drive her home with my taxi.  I went and found her with her lady friends. She told me to sit and have one. I have never been known for refusing free beer.  After several drinks, we dance and she start to touch me. She even touch my josto and she say ' Not bad'.  I dont touch her immediately as i fear because she looks like someone with alot of money. When you are broke, there is that ka tendency of fearing people with alot of money. Have you ever gone to a hotel with money for tea only and find people eating Kuku and nyama? One ask himself, ' how is it one can afford that. I hope you get what i mean? It also happens to the opposite. When you have alot of money, you refuse to know why people dont have money.

 All the ladies she was with were all looking wealthy and beautiful in face, but have big stomach thus removing marks. They talk big and when i try to tell them stories, they dont listen. The only lady i thought was listening was a lady with crossed eyes, those eyes that when she looks at you, she is also look at someone else.  So, i was not sure if she was listening to me or not.  One day a friend that had girfriend that had crossed eyes refused to hear one another and they split. So, when we were drunk, we ask him why he left his girl. He say he suspect she was seeing someone else. We all laughed because we thought he was saying that his girl could see two people at one time.

But i dont give up on giving stories so easily. I started talking big and tell them that i have several taxis and car hire business. I tell them them i also import cars direct from Japan.  Drunks are of God because they did not detect that i had no idea where Japan was then or what car hire business was. . They didn't get moved, so its like i talked to myself the whole time.  When it was time to go, the lady tell me to drive her car to her house. She tell me i will sleep in her house, she has loved me and my business acumen.

I was used to hearing women say she has loved me when drunk so i poured all my heart to her, although all i was saying was lies. I asked her how  i will come back but she say she will drop me in morning to pick my Taxi.  For the first time, i drove her BMW X series, I was feeling like i own the car and in my mind, i was tellig myself  how i can draw and be kept by this lady.  We drove to her house, in Kileleshwa area, in some expensive flats.  When i enter the house, it looks like in Europe or inside Hilton. Everything expensive, curtains, carpets, name them. She dragged me straight to her bedroom. I have told you that i am a good romancer before and i did not disappoint. Although my grandfather told me its illegal to suck a woman's teta, i have always enjoyed myself when i suck the teta. I saw her pull a drawer beneath her expensive bed and removed makobosto. I have always known that makobostos are packed 3, but it was two this time. I told myself that somebody else is ramnyaring those things or maybe she was married or something. My dream of being kept started fading.

I dont know why but i think i was suffering with inferiority complex because my tree did not stand 100%, so i telled myself to satisfy this woman so that i dont get thrown out, i have to  suck tiita so good. I did it  so well that she poured two times before i entered.  She say she had never had the orals so good in her life.  When i finally enter, i  did not last two seconds. Exactly two seconds, when i insert my josto inside, then remove and to enter, i feel warm coming from my testicles and eyes almost come out of socket, then i poured. I lie to her i feel so good until i cant tolerate no more. She tried to play with my josto so that it wakes up but it did not wake up very fast.  Getting tired,  I saw her  look at the watch on wall, then she told me,

'You know wanjohi, me is known very well here. I would not like my neighbors to see me removing a man from my house. Please, let me see you off at gate, you will see Matatus coming. I cant drive at this time, please understand.'

I wanted to refuse but when i looked around and see the artifacts hanged on wall, i dressed up and zoomed off.  I waited at gate for Matatus and couldnt see any. I asked the watchman what time matatus come. The watchman telled me no Matatus come there, i need to call taxi or i walk to Westlands. My phone had finished fire, so i could call no one.  I walked all the way to Westlands where i took Matatu to town and another one to Lang'ata to take my taxi.  This is the sad side of my taxi escapade, the rest are all happy ending.

That story saddened me so much. How could i be used like that?  But i telled myself that that is the same, when you go to room with a girl, you pour very fast, then you leave her hanging and go home to your wife or girlfriend, it is same same.  The difference is, she doent walk to long distance to take Matatu, she has room until the woman that ask for bedsheets come calling in the morning. If today i get such opportunity, i will tell the woman, noo, i will drive behind you to your house, or better still, tell her to leave her car we use mine.

I  was not planted in problem and one day, i made a kill later after i brokered something. You remember the story? I called my wife and told her to go to mama mboga and abuse her because we will never kopa anything from her again. The money i had made was enough not to kopa again in a long time.

 All along when i was doing taxi business, i kept telling myself that one day, things will be good, after all, i have never seen with eyes cats climbing each other. If you dont know, if you see, with your eyes cats mating, thats the end of you. You will never see money with your eyes, You will be counting coins for a loong time.  Ask your grandpa or any other old man.

I remain,

Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine