Wednesday, April 13, 2011

WANJOHI IN TROUBLE.. I NEED YOU HELP.

I have a problem with one lady that is written in Bank where i keep money. She is very beautiful and has big buttocks and is yellow yellow, does not smoke and drink little beer only, she is not thin (i am African, not Englishman, i like big things). We have gone to drink beer together three times now although i have never borrowed her things in seriousness. Reason is, she drink little beer and spend the rest time dancing as we eat stories with Theuri and Domingo dagitari wa atumia (gynacologist). She also get bored because when she come, she talk to us in English or Sheng, we return in Kisaps. That means, i hardly get god opportunity to borrow things and she cant get drunk to get confused. When 10pm comes, she say she want to go home because she stay with mother and father. If it was the time i was in school, i would have putted Kukumanga and i manga her, but i am now mature, i make woman love me so that we do each other.

That is not the problem. The trouble is, she has this misguided notion that Wanjohi is very rich man. Once in a while, i do broking business and ask people to pay in my account. So, sometimes account read many money, but all money is not mine. I am also treasurer of many tu many chamas and i deposit all money in my account. In essence, the account read good sometime but money not mine. In several occasions, she calls and says 'Wanjosh, nitumie thao pls' and i Zap it immediately.

Today in morning, and that is why i did not tell story today is, she write to me sms.

'Hi dear, i need your help. Ni update na 20k coz nataka kuhama na pesa zenye niko nazo hazitoshi. I need 20k or more for me to make it. Will you help me pls?'

I have not returned sms or her calls. Two minutes ago, she use another phone to call me and i picked. She tried to read for me for not picking her call but i tell her that i was in meeting. I promised to call her later. Problem is, i cant give or lend her that amount. She knows the balance in my account and i swear every single cent there is not mine.

Now, Wanjohi want to know, how to dismiss her request politely. Naomba usaidizi! And with all the advise, i will like the one that will make it possible for me to tear her this weekend or some other days and we still remain friend. She is crucial because when i want to withdraw money and there is line, i call her and she serve me in executive section of bank yet i am not registered there.

All advise will be appreciation.

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigohoine

27 comments:

  1. Close the account and hama from that bank. Problem solved?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Tell her you are not in a position. You have nothing to loose except a night full of passion.

    ReplyDelete
  3. simple.si anaomba pesa ndio ahame.tell her to move to your place(rental) eat her for month and bolt.

    ReplyDelete
  4. hahaha move to my place? Are you serious?

    ReplyDelete
  5. You tell her that u wil give her at ua place then wen she come u eat her then tel her u will give her then you lost.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Wanjohi...I accidentally stumbled upon your blog tonight at 11pm after getting home from kwa gaceri. After eating my things, I decided to reply to a quick email and also check fb ... now it's 3am and I have read everything in your blog. You have earned yourself a devoted reader. Unavuta bangi wewe, ingenious creativity! Keep it up!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thanks Wambugu.I am now drinking bangi from Kisii, but dont try that at home. Na ugeithie Gaceri huaine. Eat things without falling falling.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Wanjohi niui niugurukaga? Mami wanyu angiona maundu maria wandikaga haha no aringikire na eyurie ni ngoma iriku cia nyitire mwana wake.... Anjie kwihinga kuria na kunyua na etie mahoya ma atumia a kanitha!

    How you do it... I have no idea!

    ReplyDelete
  9. u are realllllllly crazy, transfer your money to another bank, and then go missing, no calls no texting just silent.all te best.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I wanjohi ndwajaka muuuno! Chenjia raini na urutagire mbeca atm ini..

    ReplyDelete
  11. Ma ma ma I am a woman but I swear this blog is just the best. urahe mundu insight ya arume aya aitu. Hi wanjohi niwathomithia umuthi ndakwira. No wandike ibuku riega muno mani.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Wee Wajohi aga netiwaki niwateire tene, Gai Baba wa iguru!! Your prose is too on point! Two things; either you give the 20K to guarantee a meeting with dhings or you forget about the whole risto all together. You're already in too deep because of throwing time, so now it will cost you. She won't believe if you tell it's not possible or offer less murangi coz she can see kesh mani in your account! Whether or not it's yours, only you know and/or care. Wee aramenya wina indo. Aragiciona! So, 20K pussy ama abscondation? Anyway, there are many holes in Nairobi so really...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Wanjohi tell her to use her own money then you will refund later..then just dissapear n look for new pussy!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I Like way you are real! I love real writters like me :D Keep doing your thing man, will be checking your blog!

    ReplyDelete
  15. wanjohi Ngoma ino tumiira kiongo kia muti.
    Ga-confuse ugatuare guetha nyumba,Koorie kana no-gathamiire nakou kwanyu, ukeere ugakoonie nyumba nakou, mwi matatuini ugatheka-thekie, then mwethe nyumba biu biu muthenya mugima then ugatuare guaku mukanyue ka-juici.
    waambie gukeera ka-move around kwanyu them waambie kwaria na ka-mwario gaceke ta nguku and take time bitch. Ga-giikia ta shit na gakuhe. then promise to transfer cash the following day but focus on delaying it and eating her more n more. i hope niuui kiriana ngoma ino toondu tu-casuer tutu turiagwo ni tuthee twina experience ta shit.
    All the best.
    Ni- ndaremwo ni guikira riitwa riakwa no ungihoota kiriikira njitagwi Gichuguma wa Ichamaara mukurweini

    ReplyDelete
  16. funda ino Mwai uranyota na pasaka?

    ReplyDelete
  17. adu a nyumba geithi nyinge kuma gwaka......nemweruteera guteithya jaba eno eretwo wanjohi..reu wanjohi which plot are u going to use?????

    Ps.My sis introduced me to yo blog really interesting....

    ReplyDelete
  18. keere gapack indo kirori-ini nigegukora ugeetereire kuria karathamira na mbeca, alafu gakinya wee ndugukoruo kuo na uhorie thimu ta wiki imwe, alafu ukere niuranyititwo ni karao hindi iyo wokaga urari thiini, alafu ukere gakuonie gwako riu kuma hau uga sweetalk na uga climbe.!!!

    ReplyDelete
  19. cock, you haven't climbed her and you want to give her money. ne ukuganwo.

    ReplyDelete
  20. You are a great man,I love this blog!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Atiriri Wanjohi, niwaheiri muhiki uyu mbeca? Ndugakorwo wamure ng'u no ninjui wi mundu mucori ndungirekereria ciara cia ngamira ikuhituke na wina ihenya gukira ngamira.
    Unjakaga biu muthee, hold it right there.

    Njita Wakieni

    ReplyDelete
  22. Wanjohi,
    Nama no ukogure kinyamu ngiri kibau? Kai ari kia ngoroba? Bengi ya muiganania ikoraguo na honge nyingi. Thamira ruhonge rungi. Na uchoke kuyua karia kamata waguchia muoho uchio wa Githii.

    ReplyDelete
  23. wee mani kae fengi eo iri branch imwee rutera mbeca branch eenge

    ReplyDelete
  24. Tell her to bollow from bank and you will refund her then go help her thama and sleep there. you climb her that night and disapear and start using atm

    ReplyDelete
  25. Wakarubu take care, women r atumia, huyu ata kutumia vibaya.
    Kula yeye kaa missing

    ReplyDelete

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.