Women That Insert Men Box With Stomachs

I should have posted this earlier but electricity run away just as i was about to submit. Sorry but lets blame the Kenya power. 

On Wednesday night, i was with Theuri and some other guys in some place as we beat water and at the same time, waiting for the match between Man u vs ana ka team. There is nothing to write home about that match. It was  like doing a person of trap. Its more than a guarantee that you will dip your tree. The other match coming next on Sunday, i.e. The BIG team Man U vs Chelsie is also rather too obvious. Its like a rich old woman calling on you at your house for a quickie and she comes along with a pack of Kamagra tabs to enable you work on her proper. (heheh remember who is refereeing this match? Webb, our own referee). So, with no doubt, you are assured of eating the rich sugar mama, unless, in an unlikely instance they come raining. We know they are past menopause, so chances of them raining is next to zero. If i was Kiraitu, i would say its like raping a willing... .. oops no. forget that.

Away from that,  when Theuri came, he was accompanied by a guy we nicknamed Mpesa because he hardly carries hard cash. When its time to pay bill, he always say "No wina gikingi ndimuikiria Mpesaine?" (who has a k i send him) or "Do you guys run cards here?"

That day, Theuri say he had no money with him and Mpesa loaned him 2k. Just after withdrawing money , his phone started crying with endless calls. On seeing who was calling, his face turned sad and said:

"mangai andu aya matiri tha ma i. Ma kamuhiki gaka karenda guka kuria tubesha tutu ndaheo ni Mpesa o tha ici" (This people have no mercy. She want to come and eat this money Mpesa just give me).

When he called her back, the woman tell Theuri to send her credit. Theuri telled her to come there because we were only like 50 meters from her house but she say her mum has come from village to bring house girl and she cant come out. We laugh at Theuri and tell him he had been lied to. We tell him that that lady has a man in her house. We tell him that if it was her mum, she could have  excused herself for 30 minutes, she come say hi and go back. But since it was another man in her house, she couldnt leave a man in her  house and go for 30 minutes. Where will  she say she had been to?

It is then that he start to sing this song "uuuuu aaahh uuuu ngai ndahoya ndukanareke ninuo ni njohi na ahiki" (oh God, i pray, do not let me be finished by beer and women).

As we beat water, Theuri tell us a story of a girl that Mpesa was eating sometimes ago. Theuri suffers from a disease called verbal diarrhea. He never keeps quet and never keeps secret and when he start talking, its pararapara.  Mpesa had kept a woman and was paying for her house and shopping although she is written a good job and get paid over 25k every 30th of month. The trust became too much and he started to eat without makobosto. But with trust or no trust, it is not possible to eat one person 5 consecutive times and still use makobosto. kweli rongo?

One day when they were drinking, he see lady writing sms and getting may replies. Mpesa later borrow her phone to call someone as his phone had died of fire. After finishing calling, he looked at the phone's sent items. He see sms she had sended to a fella called Kaama. It readed like this: "ulipotea juu uliskia niko na mimba yako" (You lost because you heard i have your stomach). Mpesa confronted the lady but she say she she was joking with the man. From that day, he cut relief to that lady.

The climax of that story was that two months before, that woman tell Mpesa that she had his stomach and wanted to remove it. She asked for 15k to remove. Mpesa ask where she intend to remove it from and she say at Kencom house. Now theuri stop telling us story and first laugh until he fall on ground because, the lady had no stomach. Mpesa discovered that when he told the chick that he knows better joints that can remove stomach for lesser, one called Marie Stopes, pangani branch. He also say another one at Afya house i wunt name because it belong to a friend of my friend.  They settled for Afya. When Mpesa inquired how much, he was told its 9k and it will be out in 30 minutes and she can even go back to work same time. She was told it was simpler to remove stomach that to remove teeth. Its called bloodless i dont know what. When he removed his phone to send money by Mpesa to the doctor, the lady said she has thoughted otherwise, she will keep baby.  Mpesa begged her to remove but she say if she was to remove, it had to be at Kencom house because they have more experience and she know one nurse there and her privacy is guaranteed. Mpesa does not argue like Theuri, so he gave her the 15k and that was that. 

That is how she removes men. Every month, alteast two men fall on that trap. Theuri tell us it is important to peep what your woman is smsing. If it was not for the sent item on her phone, Mpesa would still be ramnyaring things that other three men still ranmya without makobosto. Never trust ladies of out that are always smsing or that always tell you they have your stomach.

I wont tell you not to eat people. I am not a relative of Jimmi Gathu. Eat them big time, even in the morning, in the office and in your car, but always observe the golden rule.. use makobosto all the time.

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine.