VCT Experience: Getting Measured is No Joke

There is nothing that sends chill down Theuri's spine like the mention of VCT.  Theuri tells me that he can never be measured because, after all, there is no cure for Mneck. So, it matters less to be measured.  Another friend of mine does not pass VCT. Whenever he see a tent measuring people, he hops in and get measured. He say he get measured every 3 months, although we advise him to go slow.

One day, Theuri wife got pregnant and because she wanted to be measured together with Theuri, she lied to Theuri they go to clinic together. Once in clinic, they were told to enter for measuring. Immediately Theuri heard that,  disappeared in thin. Wife looked for him all over, tried to call him but he was not picking phone. He went to bar and drunk the whole day. He got sober when wife smsed that she is free.  That reminded me one day i had to be measured insurance say we must.


That morning of going to VCT,  I could not make up my mind if indeed i wanted to be measured. I was not sure if i was ok or not because before, i had climbed somebody without makobosto and another time, makobosto burst leaving a ring. We have all, at one time been in shit. At one time, in a way,  i know there was that time you were climbing somebody and when you finish, when you remove your tree, you see makobosto rolled down at the end of tree.  When  you look closer, you see a ring. Now, you start to imagine that you are dead.  But to say that you found ring is just to pretend or to lie to yourself. When Makobosto burst, you must know because you feel the change... more warmth, you know.  In such situation, you are supposed to remove your tree very fast and go to bathroom and wash with cold water.  I hear the virus dont like cold things, but dont quote me.

Because i did not want to faint  infront of the PM , i decided to go to VCT alone first.  I took a Mat and went all the way to Thika to be measured. I knew that no one knew me there and incase the results said am walking dead, no one would know.  In the VCT, as usual, many questions like of maternity. I  had to cut him short. I told him to measure me i dont need stories of giants. After measuring, the attendant  started again,  asking questions that almost made me think that i am done.

"Have you eaten a person without Makobosto? I said yes. He then asked "do u know how mneck is spread. I said yes, including Kinyozi.  He continued to ask question until I felt like punching him and i think he sensed coz he gave me the good news immediately. I was so happy that i even handed over 200 bob but he refused. He said he was doing his job. Very happy, i went and took the first lady immediately to the insurance's recommended hospital. I did not tell her that i had been to another VCT.   From then, i vowed never to touch any other woman. I am not sure how long that lasted but sometimes later, i found myself on top of another woman. But i never forget makobosto, come what may.

Have a fabulous Easter and before i go, I was with Theuri yesterday during Loser's (Arsenal) match.  Theuri started his stories again. If you dont know Theuri, he is a friend of mine who never keep his mouth shut. You tell him a story today and tomorrow he forget and tell you the same story. I had read a ka storo in klist about a guy that went to a neighbors latrine only to find that the flash was spoilt . I told Theuri that story, about a week ago and jana, Theuri started:

"You know Wanjohi, last week i pinched my ear and i vowed never to use latrine of other people houses again." I asked him why and he continued

" You know Baba Stella.  I went there for dinner as we talk business and all of a sudden, i felt like going for big demand. So i asked to be shown the latrine. I went and helped myself and when it was time to flash, it  flash with small speed so, nothing goes away.   So i wait until the basin fills up to flash again. It took 10 minutes to fill the basin and when i flash again, it still flash slowly. i lived in that latrine for more than one hour not knowing what to do. The smell fill the whole house. Then,  Mama Stella came to check if i die in toilet and..... "

Since i was the one that give him that story before, i do not let him finish. I tell him he has no good head, just like Safaricom.  Jana i saw an ad, full page advert saying  that they have a new package where you can browse internet at Kshs. 2/Minute. I first thought it was a typo, maybe they meant two cents until somebody from Safaricon confirmed that to me. Somebody should tell the Bob fella to step slowly or he fall Safaricom.   Does that sound like Safaricons have good head really?  Who is their mother? Their head and Theuri's is look alike.

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine