When I Got Sausage Fungwad by a 25 Year Old.

Its not newsworthy to write about getting sausage closed but if the person that get closed is none other than Wanjohi, of all the people, it is news. It is also news when Wanjohi get sausage closed by a 25yr old. I say that because, under normal circumstances, it takes me many convincing them ladies and spending many money on them before they agree to remove thuruari for me. It has never been so easy, except in some few occasions when i did taxi business.

One day, i looked at my wallet and saw it suffering too many deficiencies. And because i was thirsty of beer, I called Theuri, Mpesa and Akuku to borrow beer. They have never been known to refuse one another beer. Theuri can buy beer too but we dont make  mistake of going near him if you have a person of out and you are broke. He will buy beer but when  you borrow him money for room, he will say he will give you after, as if money is stating in his pocket to give birth.  He will take you round and round, buy you more and more then at the end, say "aaa mangai tuanya mbeca ciothe. Riu tuguika atia Wanjohi? (aah. we have drunk all money. What are we going to do.) If the person you have is a cierunde (those that walk with Thuruari on head),  Theuri will be left with her and eat the person for you.

We agreed we meet at Visa place, umo. So that they dont fail to come, i called Theuri and said "na haha ninda andu eri, kwanja umwe ndari na Thuruari. Gaka kangi ni kairu uria wendaga, kaihuritie urugari mwiri" (I have two peoples here, first one has no pantie. The other one is black the way you want, she is full of fire) If you tell Theuri you have a cierunde somewhere, he will never fail to come.

On my way to Visa, i remembered one pub called Hornbil where beer is cheaper than my local. I entered there and gave myself a seat at the counter. On the other side of counter, there was seating one hot person that kept looking at me. I dont like persons of out that look at me persistently. What come to my mind is that they are either person of trap or person of medicine and their only aim is to do a kizito on me. I continued to drink my beer as if nothing was happening.

When i look with vagina of my eye, i see she was consistently trying to get my attention. I get shy in such an instance and to remove shy, i looked at her and closed one eye on her. She smiled shyly, then beckoned the bar man called Mwai and said something to him. When she smile, i see one teeth is missing and that tells me she is from Gachie. Gachie has never been known to produce good people, so i tell my mind not to think of anything stupid.  The bar man came to me and tolded me that that person has said i order her beer. I did not say anything. Although i was suffering from money disease, even when i am loaded, i am not the type that throws round to persons that are not drunk. Our strategy with Theuri is, always wait until they are fully drunk and throw one drink at that time. Again, the kind of drink she was taking called Heineken is a colonialistic drink and i dont like the idea of buying drinks manufactured by white people. I am that patriot.

When she see i did not respond, i hear her tell Mwai to bring me one tusker. Although like Theuri, i dont say thank you if you buy me beer, i just did like this with my thump to show it has reached. Theuri say that he can only say thank you if you give him a plot, not beer. I am not the kind that want to be challenged by people of out and because of that, i returned hand by buying her one Heineken. Just like Malt and other small beers, it go two two but i tell Mwai to give her one only.

Some people, especially those who call themselfs independence women have horns, i tell you. When she saw i only buy her one and not two as they go in most clubs, she called Mwai and told him to bring me two Tuskers. And who is Wanjohi, i drunked all of them without returning hand again. I was not used to that competition. One time, when coming from latrine, i wented to where she was seated and introduced my self:

"My name is Wanjohi" i said, leaving Kigogoine deliberately.  She told me her name is Wambui, although pretending less interested.  Without saying more things, I went and sat back to my chair and continued to drink. There was one lady seated next to me and when i went back,we started to chat chat just like that. When the drinker of Heineken see i start to talk to the lady, she sent two redds for her and two more Tuskers for me. She had now boughted me 5 beers against one Heineken i had ordered for her. Seeing it too much went to her and asked her to come and sit where we were because i wanted to study her proper.

Its like she was waiting for that. She came and sit between us . I first measured her at 18 if she wanted to put medicine on us but when i remembered i had a Shina phone and less thank a k, I stoped getting worry. Again, the more one get drunked, the more one throws caution to the wind.

"Kai, wina nia iriku? kunjuraga na mai? " (you have what aim? to kill me with beer?) is that first thing i asked after she settled.

"You think i dont know you?  I have seen you here before and i thought of chokozaring you. When i saw you dont want to buy me beer, i said i can as well buy" she said in a rather soft voice like of radio people and in English. Me, when i know you can talk greek, i talk Greek, if you want to return in English or sheng, its shauri yako.  I cant speak English to a person that can speak and understand Greek.

"Ona nie ndanakuona ringi. na wimuthaka ta shaitani, kwaja figure iyo yaku" (I have seen you before. You are cute like satan, especially that figure.) Although i lied that i had seen her before, about being cute, she was very very beautiful.

We talked and talked but many of the talk was to flatten her because i wanted one more drink from her before zooming off to Visa. I had no plan whatsoever of climbing her. One i did not have money and two, i dont trust women that want to close me, they always have an added agenda not easily discerned.

She boughted two more for me but i refuse her to buy that other lady because i tell her we were not together. Small small, i see she touch my thigh as we talk. I also touch her small small, still fearing and in my mind, i had no plan for her. When i see my tree stand for nothing, i decided it was time to leave the place. I told her am going to Visa to meet friends. She telled me we can go together. I still had 850 bob left after paying for my one drink and her one drink, so i said, its enough to buy one one at Visa as we look for Theuri.  We still had drinks left, i told her to return and get cash back but she refuse. She tell Mwai to take all and keep money. When we go out, i pretend i am returning to check on something and telled Mwai my beer should be kept as stock for tomorrow.

When we enter car, we kissed and kissed and i touch touch her small because i see she enjoy it. When i touch her brookside branch, i feel they were firm and small, they had never been sucked by babies.

"Sweerie,  can you get a room somewhere, i want to rest kiasi" She whispered. In me, i knew that was another way of saying "I want your tree in me ASAP". A clever person has no given of news. He reads in between the lines.

I did one plus one and remembered one guest house called Jeremani. The owner is my friend and so, i knew i could access credit facility anytime. After all, if i dont get him, rooms there are 700bob and they are of good standard.

We zoomed to there and found Munene, the room's attendant. I told him to give me one room i pay tomorrow which he agreed.  But when i tell him to give me makobosto on credit he refused. He sell Makobosto 100 bob and I am sure that is his side business.

This person was in real need of tree. Even before i finish closing room, she had removed trouser and top. She remain with a hot pant and bra. When i turn, the first place my eyes landed was her camel toe, sending immediate signals to my tree.  Inside myself, i knew i was acting like a person of trap. Although i cannot be shown, I had to pay back the beers i drinked and I was not very happy about that. I like eating a person i struggle to get, not those that come with pantie on head. It makes me feel better, i dont know why.

I moved slowly, dancing dancing, then held the person and kissed. I throw her on bed and slowly remove the pantie. When she see i want to suck tiita, she tell me we wash body first. We went to shower and as we shower i just had to 'act' and please her. Although i dont like it, i suck breasts and tiita in shower although uncofortable. Water enter my ears and nose but i continue to suck and suck until she pour. She also sucked my tree  but i did not pour in shower.

Then i take towel and wipe all water on her body, then wiped me. I throw her on bed, then rolled makobosto on my josto and continued to suck. I closed all holes, like what i do when i want woman to say mbu. She cried with sweetness until she remove tears. After the joti, she telled me that she has never been climbed and felt that good in her entire life. She tell me for 6 months, she had never been climbed because she break up with her boyfriend after her boyfie accused her of getting climbed out and it was not the case. They boyfie took another girl and that was too pain for her to handle.

In my mind, i knew she was measuring me. I knew the chances were, she was a person of somebody and had had some mistunderstandings with her man and to consolse herself, she said she will be climbed by a stranger.  I believed my version because, later on, when i want to climb her, she was not available all time. She only wanted to come when she wanted and not when i wanted. But that is life.

(The best Team in England was climbed three shots by another good team. All holes were closed, although we only pour one time. We regret the loss anyway. We dont have enough shock absorber like Arsenals and Chelsie who are used to getting climbed all time, so if you care, and you have a Man u fan friend, buy them two drinks everytime you meet them until i say stop.)

I remain,

Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine