Ever Caught Pants Down?

I dont know if you have ever been catched pants down by your better half. Its a very unpleasant experience. If never, pray that it never happens to you. Theuri tell me his story yesterday. I am still laughing, although i dont know if it is true or not because Theuri is a good copy story teller. You tell him story today and tomorrow, it becomes his story.

One day, Theuri had a project in Eldoret. That meant, he stay in Eldoret for long time, like one week or two weeks non stop. One day, he come from Eldi on sunday and finds his family already in church.  In the same court where he live, there lived a girl that live in one of the servants quarters. He was among the people climbing her. That lady work for Emirates as waiter and hosting, so many times she is in Dubai and other continents.

Just when he was about to call his PM and announce the big news that he has arrived, he see the Emirates coming from work. They talk small and since it was long time since he climbed her, they agree to meet in a home pub for a drink and climbing each other later.

A moment later, the family comes from home from church and soldier tells the PM that he see Theuri car come and go. When she try to call Theuri, Theuri say he is in town and will come later. Just as wife open the gate to her house, she see the Emirates and another girl leave house in hurry and something tells her that she is going to see her husband. She had been told earlier by rumour mongerers that they have friendship.

Theuri go to his homepub in Buru. Instead of packing infront of the bar, which happens to be same building that houses houses Barclay's and Coop bank, he inserts the car inside innner parking. There are also more pubs but Theuri doesnt drink in those pubs. He then returns to his favorite which is next to Barclays and a moment later, he is joined by the Emirates and another pal of Theuri. They enjoy their dink at the counter as they talk and laugh in loud voice as if its only them that are in that pub.

The feelings in Theuri wife tells him that Theuri could be in that home pub. After leaving the baby with the new auntie, she decides to look for Theuri in that pub. She first look for his car at parking but doent see it. She thinks of going back home but something tells her to go inside and check.

As they continue to drink, that friend of Theuri see wife coming and alerts Theuri. Theuri, in the speed of light removed from back door and hide in the stalls at back. Wife storms in the bar and when she see tension, she suspect something.

She turned to the pal of Theuri, who she knew well as a good friend of theuri and ask "Eku ithe wa Ciru? (where is baba ciru)

Theiri friend "Ithe wa ciru ndimuiriga. kai kui na thina? (I have not seen baba citu in long time. Is there problem?

"ndiroria eko ithe wa ciru. na i ndia muona haha. athie ku? niguo ndiroria" (I am asking for baba ciru. I see him here. thats what i am asking") she said in bad attitude and kinyururi.

She then turned to the counter lady called Jane and asked "hii pombe sio ya baba shiru" Jane turned to her and said she doent know who baba shiru is. But she say that drink belong to a lady that had gone to latrine. With alot of anger, she turned to Emirate and say "wewe, wira waku ni kuiya athuri ene. Urenda kuruaria athuri othe guku i? (you , your work is only to steal peoples husbands eh? you make to sicken all husbands eh?

Still acting cool and shaking, she say she has not seen her husband, she was there with her friend and only meet Theuris friend there.  That seemed to have agitated the PM because she hold that woman almost throwing her to ground. All this time, she try to call Theuri but he refuse to take phone. Theuri was at the back, shaking and praying that it all ends well.

As Theuri refuse to pick phone, she throws more tantrums. After calling and calling and no answer, she picks the Emirates handbag and take her phone. Looking at the calls history, she see the last called number and received no. was from Theuri.  She turned to the shaken Emirates and say "ngoma ino number ino iti ya ithe wa ciru? na ukanjira mutiirigaine" (You devil, this is baba cirus no. And you say you have not spoken in a long time eh?. She does not return and still plays cool. No one messes with Theuris wife. She has size like Yokozuna, i tell you.

More drama unfolds when the PM dials Theuri no. with Emirates phone. Immediately, Theuri picks and say

"Hello, niathie? reke njuke o riu" (has she gone? let me come now now)

Wife then say "Shaitani uyu mumaraya uyu ni matharau mariku woka kunyonia" (You satan, you prostitute, what shame do you come to show me". Theuri immediately cut phone, knowing very well he had been busted.

Theuri, now sensing things have eaten each other badly drew the next move He rushed to where he had packed and took off. Wife did not see him leaving because she was still throwing tantrums. Theuri geos to Hornbil and drink from there, not knowing what to do. Because of fear did not go home until 2AM.

When he reach home, he call wife and ask "niki kiu ndiraugua? ati uma bar kurua na maraya ma bar? nikii wendaga kunjonorithia uguo? (What is that i hear? i hear you go to fight with people of trap of bar? why do u shameful me?)

Ofcourse, it did not go as smooth as you think. I wount tell you how they settled that because of home is not como, but he tell me she lived for three weeks without talking to Theuri. She tell Theuris people about that. Even all neibor are telled that story until Emirates lefted that court. According to Theuri, even today, he still jump that story when wife want to revive. but Theuri tell wife it is wrong for women who are married to go to bar, especially in neiborhood.

Have a nice weekend and if your world is ending tomorrow (and its already tomorrow in Australia and China and Philipines), send me all the money you have through Mpesa. You wount need there.


Wanjohi wa Kigogoine