This Life: When A Girl Say Her Stomach Is For Me........

Some people can put things on you and sometimes people will think it is true. I remember grandpa one day was very angy with me when i was form three. One baby who was in form three got a stomach. She said her stomach was mine. To tell truth, it was not mine. Unless she was elephant to hold stomach for 14 months!!. 14 months before, i had beaten her tree two time. She only say that because my father was written by government and therefore could afford the fine of goats for making her have stomach.

Grandpa called me and say ' Wanjohi, akoruo urecirie niwe ndurume ya itura ni urite muno. Akoruo wi muthicani, thie uthice makara maria magiakanaga!' Means, 'Wanjohi, if you think you are He- goat of village you are lost. If you think you are a doer, go sex that hot charcoal!)

Later when the baby was born, it looked like Theuri, including all nose and black colour. The baby started talking when it was born and couldn't stop talking lies. Theuri is my friend even now and he is funny so much. He can never stop talking and i dont know where he gets all stories although most of them are for lie. If you tell him a story today, tomorrow he will forget that you are the one that tell him story and tell you the same story and he say it happened to him. Infact the way he tell story, it become more interesting. He is the tyoe that talk even in hands to firm his stories.

One day a friend tell us how he went to Karumaindo and was put medicine by the girls and they stole everything from him. You know Karumaindo is no 1 bars that put medicine for people in their drink, followed by friends corner. Another one at river-road/Luthuli junction is no. 3 (i forget name). the other now big tiume business is Citrus in ngara and Steps in tom Tboya. Tomorow when we meet with Theuri and start drinking beer, Theuri start:

'Wanjohi, let me tell you. Man, i see fire last weekend. I go to Karumaindo and you know what, i see everyone drink beer with one finger in the bottle. No one take beer with glass. So i ask for glass because i dont take beer with bottle. Only people with no money take beer with bottle because they want to drink small small and the waiter can only take the bottle when last drop is finish.

I see many women who are beautiful some with short skirt and smoke. I call one and i buy him one beer. We get friend with her and she tell me she is Wambui. When we get drunk, i tell her 'wambui, ndirenda gukuhaica' means, 'Wambui, i want to climb you' She say no problem because it is not soap, i cannot finish it. She tell me we get house in Luthuli Avenue and we walk. Everybody is looking at us because we is drunk and she is holding my hands in street but i dont care because the woman is beautiful.

Finally, we get house upstairs with no good light. Then she tell me to remove cloths and put condom on my tree. From there, the next thing i can remember is the lady that wash the room wake me up. Also the manager of hotel is there. I am naked my tree is still standing and when i look, i see condom on it. The first thing that come to my head is that we did not climb one another because condom was not used. The lady tell me that they have tried waking me up at 10 when time for sleeping finishes, but i dont feel myself. They tell me it is 5PM.

I look for clothes, but not there. I know know that i had been put medicine and its that bad. The lady stole my clothes, my phones. The manager give me clothes and fare when i tell him where i work. The problem i had was how to tell my wife'

I cut him short and tell him 'ee Theuri, tuarie ndeto ingi ici ciaku itiraingirana. Iyo thimu akiri iria yaku? kai wekiyiruo ni tumundu twa ndawa uracokeirio thimu na wallet? ' (eish Theuri, lets speak other words because those words to dont enter one another. How come you have phone and wallet? or the lady that put medicine in your beer later return your phone and wallet?' He laughs and insist its a true story.

But he is one interesting man to be with. The other day although he is not member of out Kiama come to where we were eating goat. He is not allowed to talk on matters that is not for him since he is not member. But when we start to suggest what we should do next, Theuri is the one that gives all advise. One man who is chairman call me aside and say 'Wanjohi, who is this man that you bring here? tell him to talk little.

I dont know if you have such friend. They are good and they are bad. The baby that was born also is like Theuri. The baby is now std 8 and i hear the teachers gave up on that baby. Another day, he go to headmaster and say,

'i know that you are my father. Why is it that you dont help me' The boy is always Talking papapapapappapa all the time. Like father, like son. The headmaster is big brother of Theuri. (to say true, Theuri is the one that reads the boy but since the boy since nursery school)

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine.