How Granpa's Advise Landed Me In 'Trouble'.

My grandfather was one of the greatest sage of his time. He was so wise, especially on matters to do with persons of out that even other elders came to seek his advise on those matters.  Sometimes, i wonder what would have been of me had i not received the many priceless advises from me.

Among the priceless advises he gave me were that if I  thought I was a climber, I should first climb red hot burning charcoal. Another day, he asked me how many persons i will marry when i grow up. I told him three will be cool, just like him. He thought for a moment, looked at me from toe to head, then told me that if I do that, I will have my problems tripped. If i marry two, you have two sets of problems.  He  told me that all persons of out are all the same and they are all impossible to handle. If you dont handle with care, you land on hard ground. He also told me that  all holes are the same and it will be pursuit in vain to get a second or third.

Another time, he heard that i had fought a guy over a girl. In the evening, he called me in his thingira and told me. ' Now, you are starting to behave as if you dont have blood of this clan, I want to to listen and listen good. In every person of out, she has a hole in the middle. That hole can eat a whole 10 storey building.  In that hole, men pour inside and no matter how many pours you pour, you can never fill it. It does not matter how many men pour inside, they will never fill it. It is the only hole in this whole world that can never be filled.  It is foolish to fight over a girl. Ok? Dont be like nyees of mburi"

I take some of his advises seriously, though at times, in a misguided manner. It is that last  advise that i remembered and put into action one time when i was still a pupil of Universal professional college (now University). After we threw stones to motorists over i cant remember what, the headmaster of that college sent a memo that the college had been closed until further notice.  I did not want to go to Kigogoine village because it was coffee picking season. Besides picking coffee, all men had to keep vigil at night because thieves of coffee were too many. (I hear this days, they have breaked record until if a car is seen at night, all people call each other to check where it is going. Coffee has ripen so much and it has become thieves favourite.  Uncle made sure all coffee farmers get their houses smell onion.  But thieves have now stopped robbing banks, they are now stealing coffee)

Because I did not want to be a watchman over my dad's coffee, I decided to go to my cousin's who was staying at Civil servants. My cousin used to drink beer like he did not feel tha for himself. He was also a climber with ka ear.  He lived in a one roomed house, meaning when he came with a person, i used to sleep on the ground. When he was ramnyaring, i would ukia the whole night, wishing it was me ramnyaring. But I would comfort myself and say that one day, i will also climb them when i get employed.

One day, he came dead drunk as usual and with a person. I removed from bed and laid an old mattress on the ground and covered myself. I open a space small and watched in horror as the person undressed. Though not clear due to darkness, the small light penetrating the room made me see small. She had a bumpy thutha and super KCC. Then my cuzo also undressed and staggering, jump on her.

There there, mbus started after he started ramnyaring her. uuiii P, ooohh. hinginsa kambisa, na ngufu uuu aaaa  ' in ki Cambodian. Mbus became more and more until i was unable to terorate.

There there, an idea came to me. After all, I could also pour if i wanked on their action and mbus. I removed my boxer and threw it far away.

 Just as I started to jerk, the mbus stopped. My cuzo that had poured. I refused to know what to do because i did not want them hear me jerking and saying mbus when i pour. I tried to jerk slowly slowly but was not feeling anything. It was like eating a person of out with big kamonie like ocean. I tried to think of her bumpy thutha but where. My tree, because it had stayed like 6 months without entering any hole, told me to do it justice by jerking powerfully. But i told it that there was some impediments because I did not want them to hear me jerking.

After small time, i heard my cuzo wake up. Then, he went to where he kept old newspapers and teared a piece. Then, i heard 'fwafwafwafwafwaffwaa', as he rubbed the newspaper together.  That told me that he was going to the latrine. The latrine was like 50 meters away. I had also come to learn that he was one chap that was  never in a hurry when helping himself. In that communal latrine, when people had it was P that was there, they gave themselves shuguli because he used to take hell alot of time. It is then that what my grandfather once told me started to linger in my memory. "Wanjohi...... no matter how many people pour in that hole, it can never be filled....."

Immediately he left the door, I woke up and tip toed to the bed. With my riang'a standing 90 degrees, I touched her small, not knowing what she would react. When i heard no resistance, I took the ru KCC and sucked small. When i saw she was not refusing, I jumped on the bed and made to her centre. I pointed the rianga and ramnyad. I ramnyad and ramnyad and let the person say mbus.

When i poured, I jumped from that bed and returned to the mat down. Immediately, cuzo entered the house and jumped in bed.  I dont know if he ramnyad again, because I was no longer interested, my needs had been fulfilled. But my worse nightmare was in the morning.

In the morning as we were taking turungi, he told me. "mundu, to nindiraiguire ukiria mundu wakwa ri, niurekirire makobosto?"(Person, because i heard you eat my person, did you use makobosto?) I gave an evil laughter and denied ramnyaring. He told me that he came and heard me ramnya but waited for me to finish first. When he went to the latrine, he failed to mia and thats why he returned so fast.

He then told me "mangai iyo niui ndiramirutire kirafu. Ni maraya cia kirafu. Ni uhitagia muno" (Do you know I picked that from a club. It is a trapper of clubs. Sometimes, you do bad)

There there, my nyees returned to my stomach. I started to think that i had contacted mneck.  For a whole one year before i went to VCT, i lived a miserable life. Whenever i caught a slight cold, or had a slight headache, i was thinking it was mneck.

From that day, i said that i will stop misinterpreting Grandpas advises. I think what he meant was that I should never take it personal, like killing a person, for example, because they have ramnyad my person. He also meant that you should never covert or boast you ate, I dont know hole of who. You aint the first nor the last. And you can never finish.  Or do i have somebody that can interpret better for me?

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine