The Fortune That Came With My Old Car.

I know you are all aware that one time, i owned a very very old car. When i bought the car, i was told that since it was boughted, it had been used by only one old woman who only used it to go to church and funerals. I entered box and bought that car that later showed me dust.  Despite its age and all that, that car brought me both mixed fortune and trouble. Some of the fortunes are that it literally made me a mechanic. When i hear a problem, i will know what it is ailing from and i go tell the mechanic " ngari iyo ni ball joint ciana thina" (that car is ball joint that had problem). Even today, when i go to garage, a mechanic cannot con me with fake problems. They find it hard to deal with me. Another fortune was that it made me eat one yummy person of out and a traffic police.

One day, i was coming to work from where i lived, a place called Kinoo. For those who dont know Kinoo, it is after you pass Wanyee. It is in Kiambu country, a county that is blessed with very flying persons of out who can never refuse you to climb them, unless you dont have money.

The car used to drink 200 per day, going home and coming back to town, when even jam was also factored in. Those times, that was close to 4 liters. Those days, the only thing that used to be expensive was Keringet water. If you go to club with lady and she say she want Keringeti, you know you are damned because beer was  2 times cheaper than Keringeti.

That car did not have gauge, so it was mandatory i carry a jerrycan to buy petrol because many times, it finish petrol in the middle road. Finishing petrol was a better problem because, other times, it breaks down, it refuses to enter gear. Other weekly problems were the reverse gear failure. That was not a big problem, only when parking i would get problem. Others were brake failure, wipers and no full lights or signals. I had to remove hand out to warn the drives behind that i am entering or diverting.

One such better problem time, it finished petrol in a very very wrong place and when i did not have a kobo. The previous day, i had drunked 200bob as usual and got alot of jam on gong road. Tomorrow morning, i beat car fire as usual to head to town. Just as i passed traffic headquarters, i hear car get hiccup. That was a sign that petrol was going down. It passed small until near Maji house, then it refused to go further. I tried to resuscitate it but where. I  removed from car and pushed it on side. I did not have one cent with me, although i had many money in shop.

I  tried to think what to do as i did not have a phone with me, i had forgotten it in the shop the previous day. From that place, the nearest petrol station is Total, Hurlingham or Shell, opposite Integrity centre. I tried to think what to do and failed to know. Because the car had big music, i feared if i leave it there, it will be broken into and they steal. Again, there was no packing in that place and if  i dared leave it there, city kanjo might pull it.

I thinked and thinked until i came up with an idea. I decided to go look for one person at the bus stop who will give me one hundred bob, then i carry him to town and refund the money once in town. I took the jerrycan from boot and went down to stage and talked to several:

"Niaje, mimi naitwa wanjohi, ile gari iko pale ni yangu na nimeishiwa na mafuta. Nataka unisaidie na mia moja, ninunue mafuta halafu twende nawewe taoni nikurudishie"

That was the song i sang to all those i tried to talk to. When i telled them that, some would look at me from shoe to head, then turn away without speaking to me. Others would say they dont have money while others would say they are in hurry. I talked to about 20 with no success. For close to an hour, nobody was listening to me, even after telling them i will refund it with profit double double. As i waited to see if i will see any person that will die sorry for me, i spoted a lady who looked mature and smart.  I approached her and started as usual "Mimi naitwa wanjohi na ile ngari ni yangu, lakini imekwama juu mafuta imeishia hapo. Sina simu hapa na naomba unipe mia moja,..."

When i finish singing, she smiled and asked why i did not drink enough petrol. After i assured her that the gauge malfunctioned the other day, she fished from her bag one hundred bob and gave me. I told her to wait for me in the car as i walk to Hurlingham to buy petrol. I went and bought petrol of 80 bob and climbed a matatu at Kenyatta to bring me back to where my car was.

After putting the petrol, the car started again and we headed to town. I did not speak a word until we reach town. I parked car, and told her to give me two minutes i pick money. I went to the shop and picked two hundred bob and my phone. I went and gave her the money, now double double. She refused to take it and said i should call her one day and buy her beer instead. Because i had been frustrated too much, i did not want many stories. I took her number and flashed her.

Tomorrow of that day was a friday. She called me like before 5 and reminded me of beer promise. Although i had another ka person who had been just written in one of the exhibition and  i was planning to climb before she knows what goes around, and start distributing aimlessly,  i immediately canceled that plan. You know in exbitions stalls, you look for the 'just arrived'. If you wait small, the just arrived will be influenced by others and get climbed ovyo ovyo before you tasting.

In the evening, she came to the shop and we removed together to the then popular Citrus Inn (It was Citrus Whispers Inn those days and Whispers was always drinking there as he directed the kikuyu comedies that were just starting).  Those days, it did not have people of medicine. This days, you cannot go to Citrus and escape medicine. They can even put medicine even when they are two tables away. They throw the rice like dart and the rice will not miss your glass or bottle. Others put rice in their tits and ask you to suck. When you suck, you are as good wiped off.

When we enter, she measured meat of 1kg and i failed to know what kind of woman she is. I was used to going with persons that cannot even buy a sausage for themselves. I called waiter and when i fished money to pay for the first round, she say she will pay for the first drinks. Let that person buy water. She bought water like a mundurume. Let the person buy water, let her buy, until i feel shame on me. When i tried to buy her, she say i keep it and drink more petrol so that the car does not stall again.

Until the fourth drink, I had not borrowed because somehow, i feel intimidated. We beat story and beat story until all stories are almost finished. When story almost finish, i said if bad is bad, i will touch touch. Slowly slowly, i touched tenderly and i see she like. When she see i touch, she started "Wanjohi, niui ndakuonete tene muno hau ukihoya mbeca ngiigua ndakuenda. ndetereire opportunity iyo uke uhoe" (Wanjohi, i had seen you long time when you were asking for money, i was just waiting for the opportunity you come borrow from me)

When she said that, i knew that she has removed Thuruari herself. I lied and lied to her, and telled her that it was a trick to talk to her and that i had money in my pocked. She laughed and telled me to tell that to the dogs.

"Nie ndirarigwo kana niukumiriria shuma ino ma i. ngai, na niguo iriga gushimba tene" (i fail to know if you will tolerate this tree. And the way i have stayed without digging) I said, after she started to touch touch my tree that was now standing too much.

"Gaka kaigana kara ona no kaiguithie mundu unuu riu. Tuinuke although gaka ndirona no kuiguithia mundu kuithua" (this one is size of a finger, it cannot make somebody feel anything. Lets go home, although this one i see it only makes me feel nothing)

 She agreed and we wented to my house in Kinoo. After we enter, she say she want to wash her body. I unbuttoned her blouse and unclipped her bra, then removed it, making me see her 32D for the first time. When she removed her trouser, i see big lips drawn on panty. I sucked and sucked her boobs until she want me to climb her in bathroom.

After washing, i beat her tree proper until tomorrow. Later, i climber her many times, although not in my house until one day, she telled me that her fiancee has comed back. She had not telled me before that her she had a fiancee and that he was army officer who had travelled to Siera Leone for peace mission. I feared because, you dont joke with this military people. We still talk even today and most recently, she joked that she want me to born her a child. If she insist, i will throw her to Theuri because he has their medicine. Me cant.

Tomorrow, i will tell you how my car stalled in the middle of road, causing a 1km stretch of traffic jam and out of that, i climbed a traffic police woman who called a breakdown to pull my car to police.

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine.