Unexpected Windfall That Never Was.

Being in business, it is like a coin, it has both the Kenyatta side and the simba side. The Kenyatta side is when you are seeing money with eyes life life. The simba side is when things become elephant. If you have never been in business, you may never understand some things. But you can ask your boss, who at this time, maybe, is scratching his testicles because he has no idea where he will get  money to pay your salary and end month has passed with three days.

Theuri and myself have seen all sides and we liked all of them, or rather, we have learned from both. We started partnering with Theuris long time. In one of the venture we had together, the devil entered and stayed small inside. What that meant was that we were turned on the simba side of coin. Money became a vocabulary for quite a while. We literally landed on foot.

One Friday, we remembered an account we operated together at the first paperless bank in Kenya. In that bank, we operated a corporate account because all city kanjo people had their accounts there and to differentiate from the Kanjos, we opened a corporate account. In that account, we remembered that we had  2000 bob in excess of the  mandatory minimum operating balance for a corporate account. The minimum balance, that we couldn't withdraw was Kshs. 3500.

Since Friday had come and we had not beaten any deal, we decided to withdraw the 2k. A K each was enough to drink until morning then.  We had to go the two of us in the bank because the mandate was "two to sign." We were also planning to sweet talk the cashier and allow us wipe out everything, including the minumum  balance so that in total, we walk with 5k.

Because i felt ashamed to enter together just to bargain to withdraw the minimum balance, i telled Theuri to go and sweettalk the cashier alone and if they hear one another, he call me when it is time for signing.

When Theuri ask how much is balance, they telled him its 600k. He immediately sensed a problem and asked again. Instead of him coming out and tell me the good news about the balance in account, he called me in. I went and thought the cashier had refused to buy his idea. I greeted the cashier who was friendly to us all time.  Then, i asked the balance from  him. He said its 600 (without saying its 600k). then asked:

"Tungiruta cigana?" (How much can we remove?)

 "No murute 600" he said. (you can remove 600). I looked at him with sad face and started to beg we remove 5k then on Monday we return the operating balance.

The cashier looked at us and said "ni sawa, no muruta upto 600, murenda cigana inyue?" (Its ok, you can remove upto 600, how much do you want?). He then smile and say we love joking too much. I was not understanding him too much and so i continued to beg.

When Theuri see i dont catch anything, he pinched me to close my mouth and asked the cashier to print for us the balance in the account. When i see the balance in account  is 600k, i smiled broadly. But i was sure there was a problem somewhere, so i started to pray to God to confuse the cashier until we withdraw.

Quickly, i changed withdraw '5k' to "reke turuke igana rimue" (Lets remove 100k.).  He printed the receipt and gave us to sign the carbon copy. As he counted the money, we laugh loudly with Theuri because we know it is problem somewhere, but we say in our heart that when they know, we will just refund. When we laugh more, he look at us and laugh too and tell Theuri "Mangai we ugakua ndi bafu. uri urimu muingi ma i. Kwanyu niku?" (True god, you will die while i am in bathroom. you have too many childish. Where do u some from?).  Theuri telled him that it is because we have decided that from monday, we will be coming in the morning to the bank, drink their tea that is reserved for corporate customers and after,  we go back to our offices like what some people we know do, pretending they have come for services.

When we go out, we say with Theuri we should go to another branch and remove all remaining money. By the time we reached to another branch, it was already locked.  We cased that tomorrow, we will go to the head office and wipe all money. That day, after sharing each 50k, we went to Magomano and put two chickens, then called some of our friends that had thrown us away when we were broke for sometime because we borrow beer too much from them. We tell them to eat and drink and even call their persons to eat and drink for free. We then budgeted the money. Theuri tell me that free money cannot be put in business so we need to think what to do with that money.

On Saturday, we walked in confidence to the head office branch. Theuri had even sweettalked me to loan him 100k although i tell him that that is story of giants. We entered the cubicle and gave out the account. We telled the cashier we want to withdraw 500k.

When she keyed in the account on her computer, we saw her look at us, then walked out and went to the manager's office.  She then came back and telled us there is a small problem with our account, we follow her to the managers office.

Before going to office, theuri telled me "hai, mundu, anga niki umanu. turoretio forithi riu" (I think it has bitten each other. We are being taken to police. I told him nothing like that can happen because it was not our mistake.

When we entered the managers office, the manager looked at us and gave us seat. He then started "Good morning. Wanjohi and Theuri.?"

We said morning back and shaking all body parts that hang.  He then continued "There was money that was deposited in your account by mistake. We regret the error. And we see you remove 100k. Your account is overdrawn and we request you to clear the overdrawn balance as soon as possible."

He explained to us that a person came to deposit money and he erred with one number, thereby making money come to our account. He however telled us we have no sin because we did not know and our account was used to enter such money.

We knew the death of monkey had come. In my village, we say when death of monkey come, all tree trezas. We told him we had thouted it was our money and we will pay on Monday. We walked out dejected and feeling bad. Theuri blamed me for the predicament because he say i was planning to eat people of trap as a way of thanking myself. I did not talk back because that same day we shared the 100k, Theuri eat a person of trap and her side kick, same same day.

After some few weeks, we falled a good deal that we were paid by cheque. We deposited it  in that corporate account. After the check cooked, we went to the same cashier that pay us 100k.  He laughed until he want to fall down. He told us that he suspected the deposit had problem because of the way we behave. He refuse to know why we beg to withdraw 5k, yet the account was reading 600k balance. After he noticed something queer, he decided to investigate further. He called the branch from where the deposit was made and asked them to investigate. They saw that the money was deposited in our account by problem. In that bank, you shout your account number because it is paperless. The guy shouted the wrong account and thats how the money found its way in our account. And i think his boss is a jinga type because he doent cross check the deposit slip.

All in all, had Theuri been wise enough, he would have walked out after getting the balance and tell me of the anomaly from where i was seated outside the waiting area. We would have drawn there there how to vuka with 600k just like that. That is why i say, everybody is a thief, including you. The only thing we weigh is the risk of thiefing. The reason why you dont thief so often is because you find the risk too high or not worth it.

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine.