Kigali and The Rwandese: Pt 1

In all the East Africa community countries, there is one country that has many beautiful persons of out than the others combined. That country is called Rwanda. I have been there and i have many stories but today, i will not tell you muclimbano stories much, will tell you the business angle of it.  I know this might put some of you off if i no tell muclimbano, but to be able to follow and enjoy the other stories i will tell of Rwanda, you must read this. I will tell you many Rwandese muclimbano in later many more episodes to follow this.

Rwanda is a country where it is illegal to say Tutsi and Hutu. Those two words lands you in jail for 8 years non stop. Since i have been there and this is not Rwanda, i will tell you small about them. All Tutsi girls are tall, slender and big buttocks and beautiful. I wont say about Hutu because i dont want to be summoned by Mzalendo Kibunja but all their girls shave box. The rest might be abit personal, so i wont say now. In Rwanda, when i speak English, they would think  i am nigger who has just landed from America or Europe. If you speak good swahili, they wunt understand. You must make it bad so that they hear your swahili. Their swahili is same same as of Congolese.

One day, me and Theuri hear that people are making millions selling stuff in Rwanda. Whenever we hear where people are making money, we like to put our ear and see if we can make it too. When we hear it well well and because we have been bitten before, we must confirm first hand. All the stories we heard appeared too good to be true because they tell us you can sell anything in Rwanda and make a minimum of 100%. Whenever i hear that, it leave more questions because everybody would be rich then.

We cased to go life life and see for ourselfs.  It costs less than 3k by road. We took 50k each as "research allowance" and climbed Kampala coach to Kigali. In the bus, we meet many Kenyans going there but they dont tell us what they sell there and how to clear goods backdoor at their border called Katuna. We know  if you want to fish info, you dont ask like that, you feed somebody with beer until he/she opens up.  One lady, not forte fae and not twendy fae sat next to Theuri. Although she did not speak to us until we reached Kampala, we knew she will help us one way or another. (A story for another day)

When we reached there, that  lady showed us where to sleep, just some few meters from where Kampala couch bus is. We did not talk much that day to her. I tell Theuri to shut his mouth, atleast for once. In that guest house, most Kenyan who have manners sleep there.

Kigali isnt big as such. It is smaller than Thika by small although population of Thika is two times bigger than Kigali.  When evening reached,  we asked for the best place to clean the dust in out throats. We were told there is one famous bar called Carwash that is owned by a Kenyan called a Mr. Wahome. We went there and meet many Kenyans and drinked a their 'tusker' equivalent called Plimus. Primus is packet in one little bottle so, when you drink three, it is like taking a whole crate of Tusker. Tusker is also sold there, but in a price that Theuri and myself refuse to buy.  We cant drink beer that is sold at 160 when there is a cheaper alternative of the same brand or equivalent.

Primus is a special beer. Once you take two,  your tree must start and you cant pour ofyo ofyo. When our tree standed, we did not see any climbable people of out there. All those there had people with them and since Kigali is not Nairobi, i telled Theuri not to try and steal somebody of owner. I called one waiter, a Kenyan and telled him our wish. He warned us that we can be stolen by those girls but if we wanted to continue, there was a nice place where they were in plenty. We told him we have travelled all over the world, including Nigeria where almost everybody want to 'collect' your money but we survive.  He directed us to a club in uptown where we can get many persons of out and of trap.

The name of the club was The KBC. I cant remember what those initials stand for but that is, for sure, the Westlands of Kigali. The night life there goes until tomorrow morning. There, we were spoilt of choice. Peoples of out, trappers are plenty and when they hear we are Kenyans, they see money. When the dj play song of Nonini, 'niko gauge, niko maji niko ...." i sing along and call one girl and tell her that man once used to live in my servant quarter. I even remove my phone and tell them to take Nameless's number and talk to him tomorrow. I tell them we drink with them everyday, including Wahu, Nyota, and many more that they hear their songs. Although they hear Swahili small small and english none, they thoroughly entertained us because they dont even refuse to be touched touched like Nairobi girls. That, however,  does not come free though because before a girl gives you her ear, a Primus (though small one now) must be on table. Sophisticated ones take Heineken which is 2 times expensive than Primus.

Theuri telled them we work with UN and were there on holiday and were also interested in doing business in Rwanda. When they see for real we have money that is not ending, we get the best from the group and agree to climbana. We take taxi and when we reach guest house, the reception stopped us. She telled us that in that Guest house, you cannot bring a person of out unless you came with them from Nairobi. We tried to beg and beg but they say no lady will enter there.  We got angry and asked why they did not tell us before  that they dont accept trappers or any other lady. One lady, in poor swahili telled us that she see we looked like respected people, not people that can come with trappers at night. She even telled us that in that gueste, you cannot come after 11. 

 We thoughted of going to another room that night to climb those people but we then said, the holes will always be there. Everyday, there are peoples of out turning 18, so why rush. Tomorrow, we go to another room where you can even bring 10 persons. But in those room, they put niron sheet on top of the matress because a Rwandese girl must urinate when getting climbed, even if you tell them like what you tell Ugandans, me i dont want water.

Tomorow, we embark on research on what we can export there in big quantity. We meet one Kenyan man that even today when i remember him even at night, i laugh loudly. He telled us he has pinched his ear and will never return to Rwanda again. The man owned a two Matatus, although Wanguras plying Kangemi route. After he see matatu is not coming anthing, he was told by a person that if he export Human weaves and hairs to Rwanda, he can make 100% profit.

He went to his bank running and withdraw 250k. Still running so that stock of weaves does not finish, he went to Best lady in Rifa rodi, bought weaves and hairs worth 250k and took to the next available bus to Kigali. When he reach there, they look at those weaves and tell him he bring bad quality of poor people. They tell him that Rwandeese like to be stylish and it will be hard to sell them there. They convicend him to sell to them at the same price he had boughted in Nairobi. Although he has paid duty for them, he agreed.  Again, they tell him they must be given a two weeks credit. He supplied almost all of them but after two weeks, when he go to collect money, they say to him "hakuna mafranka. chukua hatujaweza kununua"All shops tell him that and he is left with the original stock he came with 2 weeks earlier.

That way, he was forced to hawk one by one. The small quantity he sells, he pay guest house, food, beer and people of trap because of frustrations. I looked at  the man that his tout and driver call "mbuyu" is now doing something he would have never dreamnt. He had been there for a month now and had only sold 30%. When we lest, one week later, he had sold an additional 5 %.  When i remember how he tell us, i still laugh today until i cry. Later, we met with him in Nairobi and when we mention Kigali, he say "please, ndeto icio ikinye hau " (Let those words reach there).

Rwanda is a good country of eating happiness but for business, its not easy oh. Unless you go big time and in contruction, the rest, you will talk to yourself. The main reason is because, life is too expensive. All town, no backstreet of eating food. Even backstreet food joint, they sell food on buffet. Again, guest houses are another issue, too expensive. But this is not a damper, there are people that still make it big there, but you must stay there to make money, but those busines i like, of supply on large quantity is a no. Also, small scalers can also make it, and if you can teach English, there are so many kenyans with backstreet english classes. Thats why i like Kenyans.

If you see a country that has no single Nigerian, and only 200 Indians, do u think that country is joke? In Kigali, if you fight in a bar, you get jailed a minimum of 3 years. The minimum sentence you can get if you sin even by small sin is 3 years.

The other country i will tell you about is S. Sudan's Juba. Business might be good depending on what you want to do. If you are in big league and things are elephant here, i dont know what you are waiting for. But you must be prepared to sleep in some funny places that you cant think of in Nairobi. Another big thing there is trapping business.  Sorry to say this but.... i dont know if this is true but i heard that if your girl is there.. lemmi stop this.

Anyway, trapping business is good in Sudan. But to die of gunshot from the Army is higer than your chances of eating supper.  In sudan, i hear everybody is Army and they are jailed for 2 days if they kill you. But people of tap have their own problems too with the locals, who all claim to be army. When they come for muclimbano, the people of trap ask for $50/joti. They have no problem in paying the $50 and when tomorrow comes, they come again. The army eat person and when they ask for payment, they say they paid yesterday. And tomorrow of tomorrow and tomorrow of that day, they will still come and climb for the initial pay they asked. So, to the army, its a one time fee. Once they pay, it is that and if you refuse to be climbed, a bullet from AK 47 passes through your head that very  second.  So i hear when people of trap see new army person, they either refuse or ask for alot, like $200 and they will pay because they will never pay again.

Tomorrow, i will tell you my experience with a very very flying person of out in Kigali that could not HEAR or SPEAK swahili or English, she only speak Kinyarwanda. Even french, because i hear small, nothing. She could not hear even one word in Swahili or English.  I ate but there is nothing as difficult borrowing like that. Rwanda stories and Sudan are so many, i dont even know where to start.

(If you want to sample their english, follow this link >>

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOMOoTmf-ck
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I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine