I have just come back from lunch. Not from the newly discovered bones place where you can eat 3 sizable bones and soup with Ugali for 50 bob. Theuri has another joint that sells Githeri and other foods but Githeri is cheapest there. Githeri plain goes for a 100, with meant is 250.
Today, he telled me that we will eat Githeri with meat at only 150.
What happens is that he has a deal with a ka persons of kitchen. Meat is putted at the botton while top layer is covered with Githeri. Later, the persons of kitchen takes 50 bob per plate... so, you eat Githeri of 250 at 150. Saving 100 bob at one go is not bad mathematics at all. But it is not as easy as you think and thats why I dont want that Githeri of deal again.
When we entered, he closed eye on the persons of kitchen and showed two finger salute, meaning he wants two plates of Githeri to be smeared with meat at the bottom.
When 'Githeri' was putted on table, I took spoon and as I was mixing githeri to mix with meat so that Githeri can taste all meat, Theuri shouted in loud voice as if someone was about to be shot
"Wee wanjohi kai uraguruka? ( Wanjohi are you getting mad?)
I ask why. He looked at me badly and asked "Niki ureka riu? Nu urakuira uruganie? tamba urie nyama iyo yaumira hau iguru. No nginya urute nyama na mubango musheji uyu. Mangiona nyama thanine yaku ukuga yauma ku? Giki ni githeri plain, nyama ni cia mubango" (What are you doing? who told you to mix? Ebu first eat that meat that has popped up on your githeri. You must eat with style man. If they see that meat, where will you say it removed from yet this is supposed to be githeri plain. This food is not supposed to have any meat. meat is for deal".
Faster faster, I ate that meat before I was caught. From then, to eat a piece of meat, I was looking right, left, back and front and when no one was looking, I remove a piece from inside and inserted in mouth, then chewed as if it was Githeri I was chewing.
Let me say, it was delicious but I have ated all with tension like of satan. I was sweating you could have thought I had been rained on. But next time, I will reject the offer... let me not be able that style.
If you are the owner of that restaurant, please ring me on 0714 540 444 or Marshal on 0725 86 57 55 for free DOMAIN registration and WEB HOSTING with unlimited emails to say sorry. Meaning, you can create.. as many as emails you wish with unlimited disc space and bandwidth... eg...
wanjiru@yourhotel.com, muifi@yourhotel.com, accounts@yourhotel.com mzee@yourhotel.com etc etc.
I wanted to send you an email and tell you how you get stolen by the persons of Kitchen but realized your email is yahoo and its NOT good for a prestigious business like yours or it will filter emails to spam, thereby escaping your roving eye. I will offer you that for free.. mangai.
Or visit...
http://sawawebhost.com/ for more details.
And to the readers here.. if you need a gooder deal, halla and talk your case. Laking money should not stop you.. we can talk small.
I am,
Dagitagi Wanjohi,
Snr. Gyno, River Rd. Inc.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Tuesday, November 12, 2013
BREAKING NEWS
I just made a major discovery. Biig discovery. I discovered another place of Matubo you can eat with less than 50 bob. Kwanza tu hell with Matubo now. In that place, menu includes 3 sizable bones (the ones removed all meats) and soul fills plate until it pours out. Na bei ni fashirire... !!! aki ya nani. kwa Mama Otis tumehama... Even supu of saucer is being added without being looked bad.
And as I was chewing the bones near Muthurwa, I remembered an event that happened about 20 years ago when someone mentioned that KCPE started today.
I was in class 8 and we dided mock exam in preparation for KCPE.
I happened to have tied top marks in Science and Agriculture with a boy named Koskei. He was born Kipkoskei but when his tree was peeled, he removed Kip and remained Koskei. They used to say that Kip means Kipii, so once you shedded part of your tree, it was mandatory to shed Kip too.
Our science and Agriculture teacher, a Mr. Birgen refused to know something. Where i failed, Koskei failed, where i gotted right he gotted right. from Question one to 60th question.
This Koskei boy was blessed with one thing. Repeating every class he entered. He repeated every class, not skipping even one without repeating that class. Education was entering through one ear and removing through the other ear as fast as it entered.
Mr. Birgen called us both and saided we be clapped for scoring 86%. Everyone in class felled under the table because they knewed someone had copy pasted from the other and it wasnt me. Mr. Birgen then instructed all pupils to laugh at Koskei for stealing exams from the leader of science and Agri.
During the exam, Koskei used to finish first.. withing the first 10 minutes. All he used to do was to guess the choices and tick for all questions, without reading any of them at all. He would then lift his hand and say,
"Esgus me disha, galeiiiii, egzam momite " (Escuse me teacher, atiriri, my exam is finished ").
Mr. Birgen would reply "Galeiii Kosgei, Momite all na ndagika agenge? (Atiriri Kokeskia, you have completed within one minute?
When we did KCPE, he scored 130 out of a possible 700. No secondary school could accept him then. His father used to own three tractors and saided because education was not entering him well well, he becomes a driver of one.
By the time we finished form 4, Koskei owned one old tractor.
After high school, I came to Nairobi to further my education.
I wented and did Ms. Word majoring in Gynecology of true. Before I finished Gynoring, he had over 7 tractors of John Deere and two combine harvesters.
A few months ago, I wented to Rumuruti and got stuck in the mad near Baragoi. Small, a guy with tractor was passing. It was Koskei. He pulled me until Rumuturi where Rami starts.
I asked how much he will charge and telled me he cant charge me because I used to show him mathematics when we were reading class 8.
After we parted, I was telled that Koskei now owns over 200 acres of ngano land in Narok, owns a few houses of stairs here and there and over 15 tractors.Now, a faster one and you need to hear this. Koskei has 3PMs and manages them well like nothing. While here it is impossible to manage even one, he does it effortlessly yet no education used to enter him.
Now, if I go to Rumuruti or Kinamba or Sipiri near Baragoi and meet him, I bend small when greeting him because of respect of him making alot of money and he does not do himself. I actually dont talk much because it is sin to talk too much infront of a person who has more money that you. And still drives one tractor and ploughs with it like an employee. And he has not even a small stomach. Not like us who when we smell money from far, stomach starts protruding until you cant differentiate us from pregnant persons.
As I was eating meatless bones this afternoon near Muthurwa, I remembered Koskei. Head telled me that if he sawed me eating ugali with bones, instead of real meat or Shikens, he would repay himself by laughing until all his ribs break apart because we laughed at him 20 years ago for copying a simple science and Agri mock. Head was telling me that while am swinging bells in River road at my clinic treating difficult persons who cant pay without bargaining, infact some wants to pay in Kind, Koskei is buying another tractor of John Deere. Infact if the CEO of CMC hears that Koskei is at the showroom, they will abandon all their duties and go to attend to him personally.
So, what am I trying to say? Instead of swinging bells there, you can become a Koskei in your own right. If education was not entering you, stop pushing yourself where you dont belong. Look inside you and do what education cant; Making more money than those of us who thomed small..
Cheers!!
I am
Dagitari Onjohi
Snr. Gyno & Former Classmate of Koskei.
And as I was chewing the bones near Muthurwa, I remembered an event that happened about 20 years ago when someone mentioned that KCPE started today.
I was in class 8 and we dided mock exam in preparation for KCPE.
I happened to have tied top marks in Science and Agriculture with a boy named Koskei. He was born Kipkoskei but when his tree was peeled, he removed Kip and remained Koskei. They used to say that Kip means Kipii, so once you shedded part of your tree, it was mandatory to shed Kip too.
Our science and Agriculture teacher, a Mr. Birgen refused to know something. Where i failed, Koskei failed, where i gotted right he gotted right. from Question one to 60th question.
This Koskei boy was blessed with one thing. Repeating every class he entered. He repeated every class, not skipping even one without repeating that class. Education was entering through one ear and removing through the other ear as fast as it entered.
Mr. Birgen called us both and saided we be clapped for scoring 86%. Everyone in class felled under the table because they knewed someone had copy pasted from the other and it wasnt me. Mr. Birgen then instructed all pupils to laugh at Koskei for stealing exams from the leader of science and Agri.
During the exam, Koskei used to finish first.. withing the first 10 minutes. All he used to do was to guess the choices and tick for all questions, without reading any of them at all. He would then lift his hand and say,
"Esgus me disha, galeiiiii, egzam momite " (Escuse me teacher, atiriri, my exam is finished ").
Mr. Birgen would reply "Galeiii Kosgei, Momite all na ndagika agenge? (Atiriri Kokeskia, you have completed within one minute?
When we did KCPE, he scored 130 out of a possible 700. No secondary school could accept him then. His father used to own three tractors and saided because education was not entering him well well, he becomes a driver of one.
By the time we finished form 4, Koskei owned one old tractor.
After high school, I came to Nairobi to further my education.
I wented and did Ms. Word majoring in Gynecology of true. Before I finished Gynoring, he had over 7 tractors of John Deere and two combine harvesters.
A few months ago, I wented to Rumuruti and got stuck in the mad near Baragoi. Small, a guy with tractor was passing. It was Koskei. He pulled me until Rumuturi where Rami starts.
I asked how much he will charge and telled me he cant charge me because I used to show him mathematics when we were reading class 8.
After we parted, I was telled that Koskei now owns over 200 acres of ngano land in Narok, owns a few houses of stairs here and there and over 15 tractors.Now, a faster one and you need to hear this. Koskei has 3PMs and manages them well like nothing. While here it is impossible to manage even one, he does it effortlessly yet no education used to enter him.
Now, if I go to Rumuruti or Kinamba or Sipiri near Baragoi and meet him, I bend small when greeting him because of respect of him making alot of money and he does not do himself. I actually dont talk much because it is sin to talk too much infront of a person who has more money that you. And still drives one tractor and ploughs with it like an employee. And he has not even a small stomach. Not like us who when we smell money from far, stomach starts protruding until you cant differentiate us from pregnant persons.
As I was eating meatless bones this afternoon near Muthurwa, I remembered Koskei. Head telled me that if he sawed me eating ugali with bones, instead of real meat or Shikens, he would repay himself by laughing until all his ribs break apart because we laughed at him 20 years ago for copying a simple science and Agri mock. Head was telling me that while am swinging bells in River road at my clinic treating difficult persons who cant pay without bargaining, infact some wants to pay in Kind, Koskei is buying another tractor of John Deere. Infact if the CEO of CMC hears that Koskei is at the showroom, they will abandon all their duties and go to attend to him personally.
So, what am I trying to say? Instead of swinging bells there, you can become a Koskei in your own right. If education was not entering you, stop pushing yourself where you dont belong. Look inside you and do what education cant; Making more money than those of us who thomed small..
Cheers!!
I am
Dagitari Onjohi
Snr. Gyno & Former Classmate of Koskei.
Thursday, November 7, 2013
When Theuri Got Saved Temporarily.
Theuri has temporarily renounced satan. He is now a mini convert and is greeting his PM, "Bwana asifiwe".
Theuri's main talent lies heavily in telling lies with no end. That is why its not easy to believe his stories. I telled you before that if he hears a story, he can retell it until you will think that it indeed happened to him. That is why its not easy to buy this story he beated us last night, but it was hilarious.
We were beating dogogio last evening at Bee Centre near Kayore with him, Akuku and MPESA where meat and dogogio is pocket friendly. Small, we started to look at each other. We looked at each other until we started to suck glass since no one was willing to throw a round.
Theuri asked Akuku to buy a round, he saided unless he will climb the drinker. When MPESA was asked, he asked if he will buy with bells. When I was asked, I saided unless he has satan in his head because he knew I was only feeling bells in my pocket.
When it reaches such situation, Theuri knows how to make beer flow effortlessly and without abuses; by removing a long story of giant.
It is then that he started
"I nimui Kenyatta day mama yakwa irangorire ndithi kwa people ingi ya Church!" (Do you know on Kenyatta day, my PM found me at a persons house who is of church centre)
There there, we pulled chair inside inside to listen. Akuku then shouted
"Waiter, tarehera maraya ici mundu cufe imwe imwe na umere o mundu anyue arutite thuruari ndimahaice (bring one one beer for all these trappers and tell them to remove trousers I climb them)
And because abuses does not stick on your body, we saided let it come and if he has more abuses, let him throw them and throw another round as well.
Theuri then continued to beat us the story.
On Kenyatta day, Theuri wented to this persons house. She lives near his hood.
His PM had been given wind by enemies of his home about this persons, who they go to church together and is of choir centre. He had been warned that his hubby was seen several times with this persons. The enemies of his home telled him that he has also been seen entering her house.
On this day, she decided to lay a trap on him.
20th was Sunday. After church, Theuri putted legs on table as he read Sunday nation. Small, an sms came. It was from that persons of choir. It siaded "Njukitie ta ngoma" (I have ukiad like satan). There there, he remembered her big thuthats and brookies that have never been sucked by any baby in this world, even small. Theuri's tree stooded. He smsmed "Ndiroka o riu. Ruga kanyama kena firifiri na thufu muingi ndi njira" (Cook meat with pepper and much soup, I will be on my way"
It is Theuri, until his persons. He knocked and the persons opened door. She was in a night dress made of musquito nets material. Even when he had closed eyes, he could view clearly, her big runguthu hanging. He wanted to jump and start sucking it but she telled him to relax. He was putted meat of pepper and soup and rice. He was telled when he finish eating, they go to bathroom and wash body together so that it can be world class climbing.
AS he was eating, he was refusing to know how that meat was not finishing. He had eaten so much yet the plate looked full. Halfway, the persons came and sat opposite him. He looked at her brookies that had never been sucked by a baby pointing at him. He left food and jumped on them.
He sucked and sucked and small, he threw all his clothes on the floor. He then helped her undress her net.
Small, his tree was dancing inside her tiita. Then she telled him she come up where she started to jump jump up up on his josto.
Even before he could pour, they heard a knock on the door. She removed herself and went to check who was knocking. In her head, she was thinking it was her neighbor or a guy of takataka coming for his money since she was not expecting any visitor. Theuri was left lying in the seat facing up as his tree stooded sharp right.His josto is not like mine which stands coiling. IN his head, he was cursing whoever was knowing, disturbing the hot session.
She walked naked until door. She opened small, hiding her body from door so that she can hear what the visitor was saying.
On opening small, Theuri's PM entered with door. Theuri refused to know who was that that entered owners house as if she wanted war.
On looking, his PM was standing there. In his head, he thoughted he was dreaming. He piched himself to hear if its a bad dream. He saw he was not waking up.
On seeing Theuri with a standing tree, she started to scream in the loudest voice ever "uuui ukai muone. Mumaraya wa mutimie na hindio etuaga muhonoki uuu"
(uui, come and see, a trapper of a woman, and that time, she is of church)
When Theuri heard that most noise and anger was not first directed at him, he knew it was an opportunity to plead his case.
He jumped up, with now his tree without pressure, and telled his pm "Nyina Chris, reke nguire. Wa mebere ni ngai wakurehe guku thaa ici tondu hatiri undu ndakorwo ndeka. Nie ndioi ni ngoma iriku cinyitire. Uyu muiretu niwe ahenereirie njuke gwake, riu ndikumenyaga ni mitugo iriku akuendaga. Ngai ni munene woka thaa ici ugiririe maundu maria mangioneka na wiyonere niguo ngoma aconoke. Uyu muiretu akuendaga kuhingica" (Mother of Chris, let me tell you. First, it is God that has brought you here because you have come at the ample time when I had not done anything. I dont know which satan entered me. I dont know what this woman was upto. Thank God, you came in time to stop what was about to happen and also see for yourself and shame the devil. She wanted to lead me astray)
Small, his PM ran to her to tear her apart but she dashed to the bedroom and locked herself there. She threw abuses and killed things in the table room,but did not touch him. He was fearing she will throw things to him but she couldnt. She knows Theuri is fire to bask from far. You cant try violence on him because she has seen him fight big guys before. As she killed things in the table room, Theuri returned clothes.
AS he was beating us the story, all our ribs were dry, despite us knowing very well that this was a story he had made up. MPESA asked waiter to bring two two for each of us.
Theuri then continued with the story.
Kumbe there was a persons who was monitoring them and reporting live to the PM. The kind that does not like good things for anyone. Their work is to destroy what is not destroyed. The persons saw him enter and telled PM to come and burst them live. Although she was doubting the source, she came and confirmed her worst fears.
After crying and crying, she removed her phone and started to call all people she knew.
The first person she called was her pastor. She saided "Ta imagini ndakora Theuri kwa Mercy. Mercy etuaga ni wakanitha no ni mumaraya wa guthiaga na athuri ene. Ndamakora me nui eri nyumba" (Imagine I met Theuri at mercy's. Mercy pretended to be saved but is a trapper of woman snatching and going with people's husbands. I have met them naked completely)
Second phone, all her sisters and brothers. Even her mother was called and telled how Theuri was caught in a "trappers" house naked with tree standing.
When she was done with calling all people she knew, Theuri telled her
"Nie ngoma iyo ikuendaga kunyingira nindamikuma piu. PIU!! Irotoma piu!! Kwanja ninguhonoka riu. ngai umwe. Tuthie kwa pastor Muiru honoke honoke thaa ici thaa ici. Kana wite pastor wanyu. Caitani ndaranyedera wega ona hanini (That devil that wanted to enter me, I rebuke it completely. Kwanza I want to get saved right now. Lets go to Pastor Muiru I get saved right now. Or call your Pastor I get saved. Satan does not want anything good for me"
She looked at him still crying uncontrollably. In his head, he was refusing to know why whoever sent the PM there could do that. To what benefit was he/she to derive from the drama? He refused to know.
Her PM saided "Pastor aroka haha o thaa ici tucire, tiga kuiyugithia uguo (Pastor is coming here we case. Stop kuisayithia that)
Small, Pastor came. Despite the presence of the pastor, she did not remove from bedroom.
It is then Theuri telled Pastor, "Nie wambere, nyuma hakuhi kuhitia. Ndinakorwo ndeka undu. No tondu caitani kinya madharau enamo ri, umuthi ndirenda kuma kwa waing'a piu piu. Ndirenda uhusiano wakwa na shaitani uthire piu (One thing, I was about to sin. I had not done anything though. But because satan is bringing madharau, today, i want to remove from him completely. I want to severe any contact with him).
Theuri telled us that the pastor, in his heart was laughing and refusing to know why he was so stupid to be caught. He was drawing how he will be coming to that persons of choir and climbing and not getting caught.
Theuri was telled to kneel and was made to say the prayer of defecting from Satan's and having his name written in the book of life.
Even after getting saved, his pm never forgave him completely. She telled him that she had heard about that relationship and that she will never trust him again, even small.
Good completion of the story was rudely interrupted by us getting drunk by dogogio piu that kept flowing even from next table neighbors who were listening to Theuri.
But I can remember him saying that he has been greeting his pm "bwana asifiwe sana" Although she accepts those greetings, she putted conditions for him. Some are tough some are not. One of them was, not to put phone code on his phone and two, the toughest one to be home by 10 daily. The other one, as a saved one, he was telled leave dogogio completely. The last one was to stop lying.
Since 20th, it was the first time he had tasted dogogio and going home past 10PM.
We asked him what he will tell his pm, if he has returned back to satan.
He telled us that when he reaches his gate, he will start to sing...
♪♫ ♪♫ ndahunyokire ngiuma kwa waing'a, jethu akinjoya, akihuba riri wa uhonoki.
(I had pararad when I was removing from satan's, jesu took me, and putted me glory of salvation)
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ Wanjohi, Akuku na Mpesa matire mauma kwa waing'a, no ndamahunjiria, manjira onao nimakuma kwa waing'a. Kwa waing'a ndigacoka (Wanjohi akuku na mpesa they are still at satan's, but I have preached to them, they have assured me they will leave satan's. At satan, I wont return)
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ No andu amwe a kwa waing'a tiega onhanini, nimatuma ngunde, iri mihehu, no ndigucoka kumahunjiria (People at satans are not good, they have made me drink two cold ones. I will not return to preach to them.)
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫Kwa waing'a nindacoka, gwake ringi, nindacoka, Kwa waing'a mundu ekoraga kuo, (At satan's, I am back, at satan's I am back, at Satan, you find yoursel there.)
I am,
Dagirari Onjohi
Snr Gyno, FAPORET (Fastest Pourer In Our Recent Times)
Theuri's main talent lies heavily in telling lies with no end. That is why its not easy to believe his stories. I telled you before that if he hears a story, he can retell it until you will think that it indeed happened to him. That is why its not easy to buy this story he beated us last night, but it was hilarious.
We were beating dogogio last evening at Bee Centre near Kayore with him, Akuku and MPESA where meat and dogogio is pocket friendly. Small, we started to look at each other. We looked at each other until we started to suck glass since no one was willing to throw a round.
Theuri asked Akuku to buy a round, he saided unless he will climb the drinker. When MPESA was asked, he asked if he will buy with bells. When I was asked, I saided unless he has satan in his head because he knew I was only feeling bells in my pocket.
When it reaches such situation, Theuri knows how to make beer flow effortlessly and without abuses; by removing a long story of giant.
It is then that he started
"I nimui Kenyatta day mama yakwa irangorire ndithi kwa people ingi ya Church!" (Do you know on Kenyatta day, my PM found me at a persons house who is of church centre)
There there, we pulled chair inside inside to listen. Akuku then shouted
"Waiter, tarehera maraya ici mundu cufe imwe imwe na umere o mundu anyue arutite thuruari ndimahaice (bring one one beer for all these trappers and tell them to remove trousers I climb them)
And because abuses does not stick on your body, we saided let it come and if he has more abuses, let him throw them and throw another round as well.
Theuri then continued to beat us the story.
On Kenyatta day, Theuri wented to this persons house. She lives near his hood.
His PM had been given wind by enemies of his home about this persons, who they go to church together and is of choir centre. He had been warned that his hubby was seen several times with this persons. The enemies of his home telled him that he has also been seen entering her house.
On this day, she decided to lay a trap on him.
20th was Sunday. After church, Theuri putted legs on table as he read Sunday nation. Small, an sms came. It was from that persons of choir. It siaded "Njukitie ta ngoma" (I have ukiad like satan). There there, he remembered her big thuthats and brookies that have never been sucked by any baby in this world, even small. Theuri's tree stooded. He smsmed "Ndiroka o riu. Ruga kanyama kena firifiri na thufu muingi ndi njira" (Cook meat with pepper and much soup, I will be on my way"
It is Theuri, until his persons. He knocked and the persons opened door. She was in a night dress made of musquito nets material. Even when he had closed eyes, he could view clearly, her big runguthu hanging. He wanted to jump and start sucking it but she telled him to relax. He was putted meat of pepper and soup and rice. He was telled when he finish eating, they go to bathroom and wash body together so that it can be world class climbing.
AS he was eating, he was refusing to know how that meat was not finishing. He had eaten so much yet the plate looked full. Halfway, the persons came and sat opposite him. He looked at her brookies that had never been sucked by a baby pointing at him. He left food and jumped on them.
He sucked and sucked and small, he threw all his clothes on the floor. He then helped her undress her net.
Small, his tree was dancing inside her tiita. Then she telled him she come up where she started to jump jump up up on his josto.
Even before he could pour, they heard a knock on the door. She removed herself and went to check who was knocking. In her head, she was thinking it was her neighbor or a guy of takataka coming for his money since she was not expecting any visitor. Theuri was left lying in the seat facing up as his tree stooded sharp right.His josto is not like mine which stands coiling. IN his head, he was cursing whoever was knowing, disturbing the hot session.
She walked naked until door. She opened small, hiding her body from door so that she can hear what the visitor was saying.
On opening small, Theuri's PM entered with door. Theuri refused to know who was that that entered owners house as if she wanted war.
On looking, his PM was standing there. In his head, he thoughted he was dreaming. He piched himself to hear if its a bad dream. He saw he was not waking up.
On seeing Theuri with a standing tree, she started to scream in the loudest voice ever "uuui ukai muone. Mumaraya wa mutimie na hindio etuaga muhonoki uuu"
(uui, come and see, a trapper of a woman, and that time, she is of church)
When Theuri heard that most noise and anger was not first directed at him, he knew it was an opportunity to plead his case.
He jumped up, with now his tree without pressure, and telled his pm "Nyina Chris, reke nguire. Wa mebere ni ngai wakurehe guku thaa ici tondu hatiri undu ndakorwo ndeka. Nie ndioi ni ngoma iriku cinyitire. Uyu muiretu niwe ahenereirie njuke gwake, riu ndikumenyaga ni mitugo iriku akuendaga. Ngai ni munene woka thaa ici ugiririe maundu maria mangioneka na wiyonere niguo ngoma aconoke. Uyu muiretu akuendaga kuhingica" (Mother of Chris, let me tell you. First, it is God that has brought you here because you have come at the ample time when I had not done anything. I dont know which satan entered me. I dont know what this woman was upto. Thank God, you came in time to stop what was about to happen and also see for yourself and shame the devil. She wanted to lead me astray)
Small, his PM ran to her to tear her apart but she dashed to the bedroom and locked herself there. She threw abuses and killed things in the table room,but did not touch him. He was fearing she will throw things to him but she couldnt. She knows Theuri is fire to bask from far. You cant try violence on him because she has seen him fight big guys before. As she killed things in the table room, Theuri returned clothes.
AS he was beating us the story, all our ribs were dry, despite us knowing very well that this was a story he had made up. MPESA asked waiter to bring two two for each of us.
Theuri then continued with the story.
Kumbe there was a persons who was monitoring them and reporting live to the PM. The kind that does not like good things for anyone. Their work is to destroy what is not destroyed. The persons saw him enter and telled PM to come and burst them live. Although she was doubting the source, she came and confirmed her worst fears.
After crying and crying, she removed her phone and started to call all people she knew.
The first person she called was her pastor. She saided "Ta imagini ndakora Theuri kwa Mercy. Mercy etuaga ni wakanitha no ni mumaraya wa guthiaga na athuri ene. Ndamakora me nui eri nyumba" (Imagine I met Theuri at mercy's. Mercy pretended to be saved but is a trapper of woman snatching and going with people's husbands. I have met them naked completely)
Second phone, all her sisters and brothers. Even her mother was called and telled how Theuri was caught in a "trappers" house naked with tree standing.
When she was done with calling all people she knew, Theuri telled her
"Nie ngoma iyo ikuendaga kunyingira nindamikuma piu. PIU!! Irotoma piu!! Kwanja ninguhonoka riu. ngai umwe. Tuthie kwa pastor Muiru honoke honoke thaa ici thaa ici. Kana wite pastor wanyu. Caitani ndaranyedera wega ona hanini (That devil that wanted to enter me, I rebuke it completely. Kwanza I want to get saved right now. Lets go to Pastor Muiru I get saved right now. Or call your Pastor I get saved. Satan does not want anything good for me"
She looked at him still crying uncontrollably. In his head, he was refusing to know why whoever sent the PM there could do that. To what benefit was he/she to derive from the drama? He refused to know.
Her PM saided "Pastor aroka haha o thaa ici tucire, tiga kuiyugithia uguo (Pastor is coming here we case. Stop kuisayithia that)
Small, Pastor came. Despite the presence of the pastor, she did not remove from bedroom.
It is then Theuri telled Pastor, "Nie wambere, nyuma hakuhi kuhitia. Ndinakorwo ndeka undu. No tondu caitani kinya madharau enamo ri, umuthi ndirenda kuma kwa waing'a piu piu. Ndirenda uhusiano wakwa na shaitani uthire piu (One thing, I was about to sin. I had not done anything though. But because satan is bringing madharau, today, i want to remove from him completely. I want to severe any contact with him).
Theuri telled us that the pastor, in his heart was laughing and refusing to know why he was so stupid to be caught. He was drawing how he will be coming to that persons of choir and climbing and not getting caught.
Theuri was telled to kneel and was made to say the prayer of defecting from Satan's and having his name written in the book of life.
Even after getting saved, his pm never forgave him completely. She telled him that she had heard about that relationship and that she will never trust him again, even small.
Good completion of the story was rudely interrupted by us getting drunk by dogogio piu that kept flowing even from next table neighbors who were listening to Theuri.
But I can remember him saying that he has been greeting his pm "bwana asifiwe sana" Although she accepts those greetings, she putted conditions for him. Some are tough some are not. One of them was, not to put phone code on his phone and two, the toughest one to be home by 10 daily. The other one, as a saved one, he was telled leave dogogio completely. The last one was to stop lying.
Since 20th, it was the first time he had tasted dogogio and going home past 10PM.
We asked him what he will tell his pm, if he has returned back to satan.
He telled us that when he reaches his gate, he will start to sing...
♪♫ ♪♫ ndahunyokire ngiuma kwa waing'a, jethu akinjoya, akihuba riri wa uhonoki.
(I had pararad when I was removing from satan's, jesu took me, and putted me glory of salvation)
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ Wanjohi, Akuku na Mpesa matire mauma kwa waing'a, no ndamahunjiria, manjira onao nimakuma kwa waing'a. Kwa waing'a ndigacoka (Wanjohi akuku na mpesa they are still at satan's, but I have preached to them, they have assured me they will leave satan's. At satan, I wont return)
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ No andu amwe a kwa waing'a tiega onhanini, nimatuma ngunde, iri mihehu, no ndigucoka kumahunjiria (People at satans are not good, they have made me drink two cold ones. I will not return to preach to them.)
♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫Kwa waing'a nindacoka, gwake ringi, nindacoka, Kwa waing'a mundu ekoraga kuo, (At satan's, I am back, at satan's I am back, at Satan, you find yoursel there.)
I am,
Dagirari Onjohi
Snr Gyno, FAPORET (Fastest Pourer In Our Recent Times)
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Lifting Majonie Up Up Part 1
Two
weeks ago, I promised to beat you a story of how I lifted a "Johnie" up
up" at Sportsman's Arm in Nanyuki. Well,I didnt beat you the story
because of some reasons related to Alshabaab. But today I will.
Majonie, for those who dont know, are those Europeans KDF guys that come to Nanyuki to do combat training. The Johnies once they come do themselves so much and take over Nanyuki, especially Sportsmans Arm hotel as it is their an extension of the UK embassy. If you cross their lines, they beat you like a baby. If they love your persons, they will beat you up in front of your persons and you can do nothing. They are so stupid, they cant know that we were there even when there was Bucaneer club where we used to dance when Keith Sweat was saying.
Now, lifting Johnie up up was a result of issues related to persons. Its a long story but I can try and shorten it small or start from the beginning so that you can know where I was coming by lifting a very dangerous Johnie up up.
There was this persons who, since 2010, had evaded putting it on head for me. She would drink my dogogio and before she could get eaten well, she would lost. It became a routine until I started to evade her, but once in a while, she would show up, I would try to borrow again, but she wold not put it on head for the leader again until I gave up completely on ever climbing her.
And its not that she was the kind that reserve it for future husbands or ants. No. She was a regular putter of it on head for other men except me. She did not refuse other men but me, I was seeing it either with heart or on clothes. And its not that she had heard with rumour that I was a trapper of man. No. She had been climbed by worse trappers than me.
One day we were beating dogogio with her and I asked her what I lack that she vowed never to put it on head for me. She telled me that if I wanted her to put it on head, I should buy her a fridge. I threw saliva out and refused to know if it has stairs or if it will stick in my josto so that anytime it standed, it would start climbing behind the scenes, even when swinging bells in River road.
I was refusing to know what premium value it had in excess of what Maura and I get when we go to massage parlors where we pay an average of 1500 (PS: BREAKING NEWS: That Buru Massage we go has upped the price since VAT came. It is now 2000!!! I had gone there with 2000 only in my pocket, the one doing me massage telled me "u know the price? I saided 1500. She saided 1500 with no massage, with massage, its 2000. I telled her I am a customer. She telled me Rent and cost of living has upped. So, I refused to know, if its just pouring, I would rather go to Luthuli and it is 300 bob, or wiat until night and go to Egessa, though with a risk of being stolen. So I saided, sawa, do both and walked home. But that persons who did me massage on that day was of Illuminati. confirmed true!! On both her laps, she was drawn two satans with horns facing front. So, when she putted legs at 140 degrees, I was trapped between two satans. Please, I did not like it oh)
I however promised her that I will buy her a second hand fridge from shylocks of her Kasarani Estate. There are many shylocks in every estate where people go to hang things when their pockets have dried or when they have drinked all money before end month.
But in head, I was telling her that she saw me at night, the only thing she will ever eat from me is by stomach and mouth. And anyway, if I had that extra money, I would throw it to Kamuti the co owner of Kigogoine Fashions so that he can add stock of clothes from Germany and Turkey.
About a week later, I was beating dogogio with Theuri at Gloria hotel when she called and telled me she has seen a good fridge at her hood's shylock that was costing 25k. She asked how I see. I telled her no problem, if she like, good. She telled me when to buy and telled her to wait small.
When I cutted phone I telled Theuri "Gashaitani ke hau kanguaga ta keino. Ati ndikagurire friji na nikaregire kuruta thuruari. Ta njira uria ngukaruma?" (Another satan there carry me like tiita? She wants me to buy her a fridge and she refused to put it on head. Ebu tell me what to abuse her?)
Theuri laughed small, then beated lips and saided "Iko uguo munene i, twi dugu, nima? (Do, this leader, we are friends, true?)
I saided like satan. He then telled me in ear "Iko uguo i, tuongithie mibera, nie na maraya yakwa kinya kiroko, na nie ngukuonia undu uguika, ukuria pipo iyo free, guarantee" (Do, this, buy me and my trapper dogogios until morning, and in turn, I will show you a guaranteed way you will eat that persons for free"
I trust Theuri when it comes to issues related to persons persons. We dont joke on such a serious issue.
He then telled me, "Why dont you go with that persons to Luthuli or supermarket and buy a fridge, but dont pick same day. Cite transport or any other logistics. Tomorrow of that day, go pick the fridge (without her) and sell it on Soko Kuu or sell to Shylocks at a very great loss? Si your problem is the aftermath feeling of pain when you imagin a persons is cooling beers of other men in her house in a fridge you boughted?
I thoughted of Soko nyeusi where I see people selling all manner of stuff and head telled me if I advertised, I would get a buyer fast because someone know reads my stories might die of mercy and buy it because it is me selling They might think thats the best way to repay me for writing stories of giants for free. There there, I knelt down to thank God for creating such an intelligent man like Theuri. Before I finished kneeling, he telled me
"Amba utige muhahi. Tiga kuhika muhahi ta ruharo. Muraya wa tata Susana arutaga wira ku?" (Stop excitements. Stop hurrying excitement like diarrhea. Tell me, where does Muraya of Aunt Susana?"
I saided XXX supermarket.
He continued "Do you know you can draw with him, you buy a fridge from there but dont pick same day. Tomorrow, say you have changed mind, citing bad reviews on the internet and ask for change of item or refund. He can easily organize to liaise with accounts so that a credit note is raised and in 3 days, you will have all your money back, 100%. You will only give him small money, like 5k"
I felt round round due to happiness. I telled Theuri because of him thinking like 5 men, I will put full tank AKUKU's Noah that can carry upto 10 people, to take us to and back Nanyuki tomorrow of that to get 180 putted outside Nairobi.
We called MPESA to come with us and Akuku got very happy because he had a persons who also had refused to put it on head for him and Nanyuki was the most ideal for her to put on head. MPESA saided he cant carry a persons from Nairobi while Nanyuki had all varieties that any man would die to climb.
There there, I called the persons and telled her if I should send her 25k to buy second hand, or if we can go buy a new one from a supermarket. However, it was just measuring her devils because even if she saided I send, she want second hand, I would not have sended.
She saided we go to supermarket. I telled her we meet at XXX as early as 11 AM. I then telled her if she would mind we go to Nanyuki after we boughted to eat happiness there. She siaded she loves Nanyuki to death.
The following day, armed with 21k in cash and 51k in mpesa, all with no use, I called her and already, she was at the rendezvous.
We inserted inside the branch of the XXX supermarket until 3rd floor where things of kitchen and fridges and cookers are kept. Earlier, I had called Muraya of Aunt Suzana and telled him my plot. He advised me to choose a fridge which we will later say we change to another brand so that it will not be possible to carry same day if she insisted on taking it home first.
She looked at all the fridges and choose one LG going for 35k. When she saw I had no worry, not asking her to choose a cheap cheap one, she asked if she can take a Micro wave. I almost telled her it causes cancer, then remembered that I was only buying her with heart, or shadowry, or in a movie, not in real life. I telled her to pick her choice. She picked one going for 8k.
I telled her if she had shopped all she wanted and saided yes. She then asked me "Sweerie, ama nichange nichukue ire (pointing at a slightly large going for 41k).
I telled her that all day was hers and I will go any mile she wants me to. We telled the attendant to change to that and he wrote the details of it on a paper and handed it to us to go pay.
In total now, I was supposed to pay 49k. I went to the counter, still in the same floor and handed the paper written some numbers. With loud voice, I saided "Do you have PDQ?" so as to appear sophisticated. He telled me yes. I then remembered the money was not in my nationhela that hardly works but on mpesa. I telled him if they have lipa na mpesa. He telled me yes. He then asked if I have the royalty card. I saided no.
He keyed in the figures, then gave me the mpesa lipa na mpesa paybill and amount to pay. When the receipt was generated, my face instantly turned wet because of the kisses I received from the persons. She telled me how she has loved me all along and how I am the greatest man after the one who invented money.
In head, I telled her that she saw me at night and what will get her on monday, she will refuse to know if I was born or curved. She will refuse to differentiate between satan and myself.
As we were about to "leave", my cuzo who is a supervisor came and asked me what we were doing there. I telled him we were there to buy a fridge. I showed him what we bought and he saided "aaaaaaaaa, why did you buy this? You should have taken this Samsung model. Its a more superior in quality, durability, service, fire consumption and its guarantee is more. And to make the matter worse, the price range is the same"
I putted my hands in my head in "regret" as if I was about to say chinekeee.
He consoled me and telled me that I can however change if I want. I saided I want. I asked the persons if she wants and she saided yes.
He then telled us that he has to raise a credit note, and then we will change to the brand we wanted. We saided he is the one that knows. He then warned us that we can only come for it on Monday because its a process to raise credit not and stuff. I telled him not to change, we will carry LG because we dont want to wait. The persons interrupted me and saided she will wait because after all, we were going to Nanyuki later that
afternoon. My heart smiled because it would have been another long story if she had agreed with me.
We filled some forms and left.
When we were leaving, she was looking at me as if I had turned from 'Fat Onjohi' to Brat Pratt. Its like I had become those Europeans that they hunt on the dating site on the internet.. In her head, she was refusing to know why she did not also say she wanted a 52" LED Samsung. She was refusing to know where this good man had been all those years. She regretted not having met me 10 years ago.
We then left and went to meet Theuri, Akuku and MPESA to arrange how to remove to Nanyuki.
At exactly 2 PM we removed from Nairobi until Nanyuki. On our way, I could tell, she was asking when night will come so that she can put it at 180 or further apart to the greatest man on planet earth.
To be continued once mpesa messages starts streaming in.
I am,
Dagitari Onjohi.
Snr. Gyno & Chairman, DOGECAB (Dont Get Carried Babish)
Majonie, for those who dont know, are those Europeans KDF guys that come to Nanyuki to do combat training. The Johnies once they come do themselves so much and take over Nanyuki, especially Sportsmans Arm hotel as it is their an extension of the UK embassy. If you cross their lines, they beat you like a baby. If they love your persons, they will beat you up in front of your persons and you can do nothing. They are so stupid, they cant know that we were there even when there was Bucaneer club where we used to dance when Keith Sweat was saying.
Now, lifting Johnie up up was a result of issues related to persons. Its a long story but I can try and shorten it small or start from the beginning so that you can know where I was coming by lifting a very dangerous Johnie up up.
There was this persons who, since 2010, had evaded putting it on head for me. She would drink my dogogio and before she could get eaten well, she would lost. It became a routine until I started to evade her, but once in a while, she would show up, I would try to borrow again, but she wold not put it on head for the leader again until I gave up completely on ever climbing her.
And its not that she was the kind that reserve it for future husbands or ants. No. She was a regular putter of it on head for other men except me. She did not refuse other men but me, I was seeing it either with heart or on clothes. And its not that she had heard with rumour that I was a trapper of man. No. She had been climbed by worse trappers than me.
One day we were beating dogogio with her and I asked her what I lack that she vowed never to put it on head for me. She telled me that if I wanted her to put it on head, I should buy her a fridge. I threw saliva out and refused to know if it has stairs or if it will stick in my josto so that anytime it standed, it would start climbing behind the scenes, even when swinging bells in River road.
I was refusing to know what premium value it had in excess of what Maura and I get when we go to massage parlors where we pay an average of 1500 (PS: BREAKING NEWS: That Buru Massage we go has upped the price since VAT came. It is now 2000!!! I had gone there with 2000 only in my pocket, the one doing me massage telled me "u know the price? I saided 1500. She saided 1500 with no massage, with massage, its 2000. I telled her I am a customer. She telled me Rent and cost of living has upped. So, I refused to know, if its just pouring, I would rather go to Luthuli and it is 300 bob, or wiat until night and go to Egessa, though with a risk of being stolen. So I saided, sawa, do both and walked home. But that persons who did me massage on that day was of Illuminati. confirmed true!! On both her laps, she was drawn two satans with horns facing front. So, when she putted legs at 140 degrees, I was trapped between two satans. Please, I did not like it oh)
I however promised her that I will buy her a second hand fridge from shylocks of her Kasarani Estate. There are many shylocks in every estate where people go to hang things when their pockets have dried or when they have drinked all money before end month.
But in head, I was telling her that she saw me at night, the only thing she will ever eat from me is by stomach and mouth. And anyway, if I had that extra money, I would throw it to Kamuti the co owner of Kigogoine Fashions so that he can add stock of clothes from Germany and Turkey.
About a week later, I was beating dogogio with Theuri at Gloria hotel when she called and telled me she has seen a good fridge at her hood's shylock that was costing 25k. She asked how I see. I telled her no problem, if she like, good. She telled me when to buy and telled her to wait small.
When I cutted phone I telled Theuri "Gashaitani ke hau kanguaga ta keino. Ati ndikagurire friji na nikaregire kuruta thuruari. Ta njira uria ngukaruma?" (Another satan there carry me like tiita? She wants me to buy her a fridge and she refused to put it on head. Ebu tell me what to abuse her?)
Theuri laughed small, then beated lips and saided "Iko uguo munene i, twi dugu, nima? (Do, this leader, we are friends, true?)
I saided like satan. He then telled me in ear "Iko uguo i, tuongithie mibera, nie na maraya yakwa kinya kiroko, na nie ngukuonia undu uguika, ukuria pipo iyo free, guarantee" (Do, this, buy me and my trapper dogogios until morning, and in turn, I will show you a guaranteed way you will eat that persons for free"
I trust Theuri when it comes to issues related to persons persons. We dont joke on such a serious issue.
He then telled me, "Why dont you go with that persons to Luthuli or supermarket and buy a fridge, but dont pick same day. Cite transport or any other logistics. Tomorrow of that day, go pick the fridge (without her) and sell it on Soko Kuu or sell to Shylocks at a very great loss? Si your problem is the aftermath feeling of pain when you imagin a persons is cooling beers of other men in her house in a fridge you boughted?
I thoughted of Soko nyeusi where I see people selling all manner of stuff and head telled me if I advertised, I would get a buyer fast because someone know reads my stories might die of mercy and buy it because it is me selling They might think thats the best way to repay me for writing stories of giants for free. There there, I knelt down to thank God for creating such an intelligent man like Theuri. Before I finished kneeling, he telled me
"Amba utige muhahi. Tiga kuhika muhahi ta ruharo. Muraya wa tata Susana arutaga wira ku?" (Stop excitements. Stop hurrying excitement like diarrhea. Tell me, where does Muraya of Aunt Susana?"
I saided XXX supermarket.
He continued "Do you know you can draw with him, you buy a fridge from there but dont pick same day. Tomorrow, say you have changed mind, citing bad reviews on the internet and ask for change of item or refund. He can easily organize to liaise with accounts so that a credit note is raised and in 3 days, you will have all your money back, 100%. You will only give him small money, like 5k"
I felt round round due to happiness. I telled Theuri because of him thinking like 5 men, I will put full tank AKUKU's Noah that can carry upto 10 people, to take us to and back Nanyuki tomorrow of that to get 180 putted outside Nairobi.
We called MPESA to come with us and Akuku got very happy because he had a persons who also had refused to put it on head for him and Nanyuki was the most ideal for her to put on head. MPESA saided he cant carry a persons from Nairobi while Nanyuki had all varieties that any man would die to climb.
There there, I called the persons and telled her if I should send her 25k to buy second hand, or if we can go buy a new one from a supermarket. However, it was just measuring her devils because even if she saided I send, she want second hand, I would not have sended.
She saided we go to supermarket. I telled her we meet at XXX as early as 11 AM. I then telled her if she would mind we go to Nanyuki after we boughted to eat happiness there. She siaded she loves Nanyuki to death.
The following day, armed with 21k in cash and 51k in mpesa, all with no use, I called her and already, she was at the rendezvous.
We inserted inside the branch of the XXX supermarket until 3rd floor where things of kitchen and fridges and cookers are kept. Earlier, I had called Muraya of Aunt Suzana and telled him my plot. He advised me to choose a fridge which we will later say we change to another brand so that it will not be possible to carry same day if she insisted on taking it home first.
She looked at all the fridges and choose one LG going for 35k. When she saw I had no worry, not asking her to choose a cheap cheap one, she asked if she can take a Micro wave. I almost telled her it causes cancer, then remembered that I was only buying her with heart, or shadowry, or in a movie, not in real life. I telled her to pick her choice. She picked one going for 8k.
I telled her if she had shopped all she wanted and saided yes. She then asked me "Sweerie, ama nichange nichukue ire (pointing at a slightly large going for 41k).
I telled her that all day was hers and I will go any mile she wants me to. We telled the attendant to change to that and he wrote the details of it on a paper and handed it to us to go pay.
In total now, I was supposed to pay 49k. I went to the counter, still in the same floor and handed the paper written some numbers. With loud voice, I saided "Do you have PDQ?" so as to appear sophisticated. He telled me yes. I then remembered the money was not in my nationhela that hardly works but on mpesa. I telled him if they have lipa na mpesa. He telled me yes. He then asked if I have the royalty card. I saided no.
He keyed in the figures, then gave me the mpesa lipa na mpesa paybill and amount to pay. When the receipt was generated, my face instantly turned wet because of the kisses I received from the persons. She telled me how she has loved me all along and how I am the greatest man after the one who invented money.
In head, I telled her that she saw me at night and what will get her on monday, she will refuse to know if I was born or curved. She will refuse to differentiate between satan and myself.
As we were about to "leave", my cuzo who is a supervisor came and asked me what we were doing there. I telled him we were there to buy a fridge. I showed him what we bought and he saided "aaaaaaaaa, why did you buy this? You should have taken this Samsung model. Its a more superior in quality, durability, service, fire consumption and its guarantee is more. And to make the matter worse, the price range is the same"
I putted my hands in my head in "regret" as if I was about to say chinekeee.
He consoled me and telled me that I can however change if I want. I saided I want. I asked the persons if she wants and she saided yes.
He then telled us that he has to raise a credit note, and then we will change to the brand we wanted. We saided he is the one that knows. He then warned us that we can only come for it on Monday because its a process to raise credit not and stuff. I telled him not to change, we will carry LG because we dont want to wait. The persons interrupted me and saided she will wait because after all, we were going to Nanyuki later that
afternoon. My heart smiled because it would have been another long story if she had agreed with me.
We filled some forms and left.
When we were leaving, she was looking at me as if I had turned from 'Fat Onjohi' to Brat Pratt. Its like I had become those Europeans that they hunt on the dating site on the internet.. In her head, she was refusing to know why she did not also say she wanted a 52" LED Samsung. She was refusing to know where this good man had been all those years. She regretted not having met me 10 years ago.
We then left and went to meet Theuri, Akuku and MPESA to arrange how to remove to Nanyuki.
At exactly 2 PM we removed from Nairobi until Nanyuki. On our way, I could tell, she was asking when night will come so that she can put it at 180 or further apart to the greatest man on planet earth.
To be continued once mpesa messages starts streaming in.
I am,
Dagitari Onjohi.
Snr. Gyno & Chairman, DOGECAB (Dont Get Carried Babish)
Why Faulu Loans is Fire to Bask From Far
I was seated somewhere a while ago and like a person that does not have even one brain, I started to listen to a conversation of others. They were talking of how they will go to auction a shop of a person in their group who has failed to pay a loan for two weeks now.
It reminded a few stories I have about Faulu, among them, this I am going to beat you.
If you come to my village and mention Faulu Kenya, every homestead will throw saliva out and wish you all the bad things in life. This is because of the news that Faulu has shown them. 100% of them believe that Faulu, before they give you a loan, take it to a back dark room, like the way Muhindi takes salary of employees, sits on it and curses it so that it does not help the beneficiary.
The story of witched Faulu loan money started with Theuri. I am also a witness that Faulu money is cursed, just like salary of Muhidi or loans of shylock.
For those of you who have ever started a biz, there is that one business that has ever climbed you even kwa nyeni until you refuse to know where is front or back.
I telled you my first ever biz I wanted to start that did not even start was of selling cows of slaughter. You know that story where I was given money by my dad, The Moshe Dayan, to buy a bull for selling to be slaughtered. I went and bought the bull but did not carry it that same day from the seller because I did not have a place to keep and Moshe Dayan could not allow it in our homestead because he feared it will climb our cows and put them stomach. He did not want our cows to be putted stomach inferior breeds.
On Monday, the day of slaughter, I went to pick the bull early in the morning to take it for slaughter and make money. When I entered that homestead, I was met by a parade of sad people, among them the seller. But he was too sad to talk. With alot of sorrow, one villager telled me "Wanjohi niwakinyiruo ni uhoro? (Wanjohi, news have reached you?)
I said no news. Head was thinking somebody died.
He telled me "ndiraigua uragurire nduma guku ira, riu ndume yaku ndirakiheneirio ni jehofa(I heard you bought a bull here yesterday. I hear that bull was summoned by the creator)
I asked what he meant. He telled me it died suddenly without illness.
In anger, I protested to get refund saying the bull died in his hands but he made me undestand that it started being mine the moment I bought it. Even the local chief sided with the seller, thereby going to a total loss.
Now, with a stroke of bull's death, I was out of business just like that. Moshe didnt believe me, he believed I ate the money. Thats the price of loosing a business anyway.
Now, after Theuri finished to read how to draw houses, he did not find work and no one was willing to be drawn a house by a newbie. He ate problems until he returned to the village.
When I went to visit the village, he asked me how I can help him remove from village. I telled him to come to Nairobi to start a business, he needs to have some cash and he can easily get that from his father.
Since his Moshe Dayan was not an easy remover money, just like my Moshe, I advised him to employ the trick I did to get help from my Moshe. I started to be in company of bad boys in the village, those that drink bangi and bad behavior in village. When Moshe saw that I will be destroyed by bad company, he removed me from village and sent me to Nairobi.
Following my advise, Theuri started to follow a bad company of those drinking bangi and climbing persons of owners all over the village. His father, when he saw he will be destroyed, he called him at big house and asked him what business he would like to do in the big city. He saided he can do the business I do. His father telled him to first come and research what fits him.
He climbed a bus until Nairobi to ask me for ideas. I was in the biz of selling ropes of movies and to enter that business, one required to have alot of knowledge in movies, so I knew he would fail in that because he wasnt a village village man. So, I sold him an idea of a guy who was successful in selling tomatoes straight from shambas to Marigiti here in Nairobi.
I telled him we go look for him and ask him how it goes. He telled me that that woudl be a bad idea because no one can tell you the business he does so that you dont bring competition. He telled me that we should go to Marigiti and do our own research. With our reasearch, we established that the profits were more than double.
He went back to his Moshe and telled him he has found a business that will bring super profits. They did mathematics together again until the father bought the idea. But there was a small problem. The father did not have money, though had access to a loan facility at Faulu.
Theuri telled his father not to worry, it is him that will repay loan because the business must repay itself, come rain come sun.
The father run to Faulu and was given 80k. He handed over the money to Theuri.
It is that Theuri, until Nairobi. I took him to Mairigiti again to do more research. The brokers were so friendly, they even gave us the market of where good tomatoes were coming from in Naromoru. He even gave us brokers of farms who will ensure we will get tomatoes at good prices.
Following day in the morning, we went until Naromoru. We met the broker waiting for us. He took us round three firms and we settled for one, though all the prices were same same.
He then asked us if we came with our canter or he should organize. We telled him to organize one.
We then entered farm and the workers started harvesting. They were harvesting those that were red ripe packing them in crates, all valued at Kshs. 70k. At one point, they tried to insert those that are not ripe, those greenish, until Theuri protested vehemently. They looked at each other and smiled so hard until I saw the last tooth and packed only the red ripe.
In Nairobi, having sold 100%, it was supposed to bring around 180k. If you less 25k for transport, it was pure mega profit. In head, I started to refuse to know where to get 80k and start business of tomatoes and become rich so easily. Since I had no idea, and Moshe Dayan could not loan me anymore after the bulls business failed to take off, I started to draw how I will borrow some money from Theuri from the profits, to expand my ropes business so that I could incorporate cds. CDs were only sold by those with bells of steel and were bought by those very very rich people who could afford a cd player. Theuri in turn was drawing how he will climb two persons together to remind himself days of campus during time of boom from HELB.
We started the journey at around 11PM when policemen on road had gone to sleep. As we were coming, I was looking at Theuri and admiring him and refusing to know how one can come from the village and make more money in a day more than what I make in 3 months combined. I saided, anyway, of God does not leave you. What he draws for you must reach you, even me, one day, I will buy tomatoes in a full muguu kumi lorry.
Along the way, the lorry was eaten 6 times by policemen on road. The driver had telled us that the police money was ours because we had not paid the deposit as required by law of canters. We had negotiated with him to give him all his money once we reached Nairobi.
Let me tell you something. When richness is about to catch up with you, Satan puts uncountable huddles so that you can give up. When we reached past Karatina, one leg got punctured. To change, it took over an hour. The driver had calculated it will reach Nairobi by 4AM because thats when people start buying and here now, we will now reach at 5, a not so good scenario for that business.
We changed the leg and continued with the journey. When we reached near Juja, the lorry destroyed engine. It took hours to repair it, they completed repairing it at around 11 AM.
We started the journey again. As we were passing, sunlike persons, near Riverside roundabout, Theuri was teling himself that he will be calling those sunlike to come to him and if they dont come running, he will hit them with a note of a thousand and tell them to get away from him and call another. When he looked at people sleeping under a Mugumo tree where Thaa thathaiya ngai sect used to pray on Sunday, he refused to know why they didnt have a Moshe Dayan that was rich or could access loan at Faulu to give them and start a business instead of sleeping under a tree in Nairobi.
Small, we were at Marigiti. To insert a canter there, there are some money that is paid. Theuri paid and remained with nothing, even money of soda.
Peeping inside canter, some tomatoes had started to ooze because of ripping too much and sun. But to Theuri, that was not a problem. After all, people buy even those that ooze. Oozing doesnt make it less a tomato, so he telled himself.
After parking, I went in earnest to go look for the broker. When I found him, I telled him to down the price per crate with 50 bob which should be commission for finding business.
When we reached, he looked at the tomatoes and looked at us. Then asked, "Mwagura nyanya ihana uu niki? ka mugurukaga!!? ici no muendeirie andu chips mathondete tomato sauce. Kana muenderie mathai cia matumbi. Itingigurwo kinya ni kihii ici. Ona kuria no murie mtigage urimu" (Why did you buy tomatoes like these? Do you get mad? These ones, unless you sell to people of chips they make tomato sauce. Or you sell to maasais of eggs they make kachumbari. You cant sell even to a kipii. You can as well eat, so that you stop foolishness)
We looked at each other and knew we had hit a wall. Earlier, we had heard stories of how the brokers cheat that your products are unsellable so that they can buy them like blunt panga. Theuri telled me not to worry.
Another broker came and telled us to pour all tomatoes at a place he was charging at 500 bob inside inside so that people can come and buy. With speed of light, we looked for people to come do the work of removing from lorry to the field.
When we finished, all people were looking at the oozing tomatoes and refusing to know. They were looking from far as it it was alshabaab time bomb.
Small time, kanju came and asked whose tomatoes they were. We saided ours. They telled us that that was dumping. They wanted to arrest us. We bribed them with 4000 shillings. Theuri didnt have a coin, so I removed mine.
After one hour and not a single one had been sold, the driver started to demand his money. Argument ensured until I saw a problem was coming. Head telled me that the best thing for me was to lost. So, I stole myself until my shop of selling movies.
Theuri himself could not handle the pressure from the driver anymore. When drive looked otherwise, he stole himself and went to hide about 50 meters watching over his tomatoes.
Small, he saw the driver of cater leave. He then saw the canter leave and knew atleast one pressure was off him. He went back to his things. No one neared them. Only one women of soko came took one tomato and ate it, without asking whose it is or paying for that tomato.
When the owner of land where they had been poured saw even his 500 bob wont be seen because no one was buying, he started to demand his money. Theuri telled him he go collect in town. He refused refused small telling him to pay there there. He begged and was allowed to go. He did not return. He abandoned it and came to my shop.
When he came to the shop, he started to cry. His greatest worry though was what he would tell his Moshe Dayan about of the loss. In his head, he knew that no one would believe him and that was the truth.
But I telled him that his loss was not alone. I had gone loss too and the owner of canter had removed his lorry from Naromoru until Nairobi and back without getting a single cent, yet it had even destroyed and had no petrol to return.
We burst out laughing and I telled him, it is God that had planned that loss and it was in preparation of better things to come, just like Job of the bible, everything was taken from him but at the end of the day, God repaid him. He looked at me as if to tell me that God has not done good mathematics there because Faulu money is not of to be joked. He looked at me as if to tell me that his faith is very little to be tested like Job.
We agreed with Theuri that he should give his Moshe blackout until he makes money to pay the loan. In the village, story reached differently.
It was rumored that Theuri did not start any business at all. They saided that he ate money with trappers and that I was an accomplice. To be true to God, no one touched a trapper with that money. Only the "profit" money and it was in thought, not in real life. If the money was eaten by trapper, it is the trappers eaten by sellers and broker of tomatoes who duped us into buy ripened tomatoes. Tomatoes are bought when green, they come as they ripe once plucked.
But it wasnt easy to clear his name. It is his sister that cleared the loan after Faulu raided his home and confiscated three cows.
From then, and after observing a trend, both for us and other people, he concluded that Faulu is like Muhindi. Their money cant help anyone. They only attract more trouble in your life.
That is the story he went with in the village to be accepted back. And when he cited many faulu cases in that same village, his Moshe agreed with him entirely and siaded, he will be seeing them and throwing saliva out. The only place that does not bewitch its money, according to Theuri's moshe and everyone in my village, is Muiganania.
That is why, even today, if Theuri passes near marigiti, he looks otherwise. He points marigiti with elbow. And when he hears anything regarding selling tomatoes, whether new or old, or selling anything at Marigiti, you will refuse to know what has hit him because of the way he will remove.
But even if Faulu bewitches its money before dispatching, I learnt a few things.
1. It is not advisable to borrow a loan for (a) start up and (b) a business you have no idea of. If you make total loss, to be called by the father is easy.
2. Also, when doing biz you have no have no idea of, you leave the sellers laughing under the table for inserting you box.
3. When a business falls, everyone will say its trappers that made it collapse. They will say you ate the money with trappers. "katari maraya ni atige maheni".
4. When a business flourishes, they will not see the trappers even if you carry ten in car. They will congratulate you and say you are a genius.
5. If you take Faulu or any other loan money, make sure you use it according to the purpose you took it for. Dont divert even a single cent.
6. If everything else has failed, like you have reached end and Faulu want to come for your things, remove them and hide them. If your household stuff are the security, shift before they strike. If for eg, you live in Zimma, shift to Ngong or Rongai. They will be seeing you but cant fetch you, can only fetch your things.
I am
Dagitari Wanjohi
Snr. Gyno & FAPORET
It reminded a few stories I have about Faulu, among them, this I am going to beat you.
If you come to my village and mention Faulu Kenya, every homestead will throw saliva out and wish you all the bad things in life. This is because of the news that Faulu has shown them. 100% of them believe that Faulu, before they give you a loan, take it to a back dark room, like the way Muhindi takes salary of employees, sits on it and curses it so that it does not help the beneficiary.
The story of witched Faulu loan money started with Theuri. I am also a witness that Faulu money is cursed, just like salary of Muhidi or loans of shylock.
For those of you who have ever started a biz, there is that one business that has ever climbed you even kwa nyeni until you refuse to know where is front or back.
I telled you my first ever biz I wanted to start that did not even start was of selling cows of slaughter. You know that story where I was given money by my dad, The Moshe Dayan, to buy a bull for selling to be slaughtered. I went and bought the bull but did not carry it that same day from the seller because I did not have a place to keep and Moshe Dayan could not allow it in our homestead because he feared it will climb our cows and put them stomach. He did not want our cows to be putted stomach inferior breeds.
On Monday, the day of slaughter, I went to pick the bull early in the morning to take it for slaughter and make money. When I entered that homestead, I was met by a parade of sad people, among them the seller. But he was too sad to talk. With alot of sorrow, one villager telled me "Wanjohi niwakinyiruo ni uhoro? (Wanjohi, news have reached you?)
I said no news. Head was thinking somebody died.
He telled me "ndiraigua uragurire nduma guku ira, riu ndume yaku ndirakiheneirio ni jehofa(I heard you bought a bull here yesterday. I hear that bull was summoned by the creator)
I asked what he meant. He telled me it died suddenly without illness.
In anger, I protested to get refund saying the bull died in his hands but he made me undestand that it started being mine the moment I bought it. Even the local chief sided with the seller, thereby going to a total loss.
Now, with a stroke of bull's death, I was out of business just like that. Moshe didnt believe me, he believed I ate the money. Thats the price of loosing a business anyway.
Now, after Theuri finished to read how to draw houses, he did not find work and no one was willing to be drawn a house by a newbie. He ate problems until he returned to the village.
When I went to visit the village, he asked me how I can help him remove from village. I telled him to come to Nairobi to start a business, he needs to have some cash and he can easily get that from his father.
Since his Moshe Dayan was not an easy remover money, just like my Moshe, I advised him to employ the trick I did to get help from my Moshe. I started to be in company of bad boys in the village, those that drink bangi and bad behavior in village. When Moshe saw that I will be destroyed by bad company, he removed me from village and sent me to Nairobi.
Following my advise, Theuri started to follow a bad company of those drinking bangi and climbing persons of owners all over the village. His father, when he saw he will be destroyed, he called him at big house and asked him what business he would like to do in the big city. He saided he can do the business I do. His father telled him to first come and research what fits him.
He climbed a bus until Nairobi to ask me for ideas. I was in the biz of selling ropes of movies and to enter that business, one required to have alot of knowledge in movies, so I knew he would fail in that because he wasnt a village village man. So, I sold him an idea of a guy who was successful in selling tomatoes straight from shambas to Marigiti here in Nairobi.
I telled him we go look for him and ask him how it goes. He telled me that that woudl be a bad idea because no one can tell you the business he does so that you dont bring competition. He telled me that we should go to Marigiti and do our own research. With our reasearch, we established that the profits were more than double.
He went back to his Moshe and telled him he has found a business that will bring super profits. They did mathematics together again until the father bought the idea. But there was a small problem. The father did not have money, though had access to a loan facility at Faulu.
Theuri telled his father not to worry, it is him that will repay loan because the business must repay itself, come rain come sun.
The father run to Faulu and was given 80k. He handed over the money to Theuri.
It is that Theuri, until Nairobi. I took him to Mairigiti again to do more research. The brokers were so friendly, they even gave us the market of where good tomatoes were coming from in Naromoru. He even gave us brokers of farms who will ensure we will get tomatoes at good prices.
Following day in the morning, we went until Naromoru. We met the broker waiting for us. He took us round three firms and we settled for one, though all the prices were same same.
He then asked us if we came with our canter or he should organize. We telled him to organize one.
We then entered farm and the workers started harvesting. They were harvesting those that were red ripe packing them in crates, all valued at Kshs. 70k. At one point, they tried to insert those that are not ripe, those greenish, until Theuri protested vehemently. They looked at each other and smiled so hard until I saw the last tooth and packed only the red ripe.
In Nairobi, having sold 100%, it was supposed to bring around 180k. If you less 25k for transport, it was pure mega profit. In head, I started to refuse to know where to get 80k and start business of tomatoes and become rich so easily. Since I had no idea, and Moshe Dayan could not loan me anymore after the bulls business failed to take off, I started to draw how I will borrow some money from Theuri from the profits, to expand my ropes business so that I could incorporate cds. CDs were only sold by those with bells of steel and were bought by those very very rich people who could afford a cd player. Theuri in turn was drawing how he will climb two persons together to remind himself days of campus during time of boom from HELB.
We started the journey at around 11PM when policemen on road had gone to sleep. As we were coming, I was looking at Theuri and admiring him and refusing to know how one can come from the village and make more money in a day more than what I make in 3 months combined. I saided, anyway, of God does not leave you. What he draws for you must reach you, even me, one day, I will buy tomatoes in a full muguu kumi lorry.
Along the way, the lorry was eaten 6 times by policemen on road. The driver had telled us that the police money was ours because we had not paid the deposit as required by law of canters. We had negotiated with him to give him all his money once we reached Nairobi.
Let me tell you something. When richness is about to catch up with you, Satan puts uncountable huddles so that you can give up. When we reached past Karatina, one leg got punctured. To change, it took over an hour. The driver had calculated it will reach Nairobi by 4AM because thats when people start buying and here now, we will now reach at 5, a not so good scenario for that business.
We changed the leg and continued with the journey. When we reached near Juja, the lorry destroyed engine. It took hours to repair it, they completed repairing it at around 11 AM.
We started the journey again. As we were passing, sunlike persons, near Riverside roundabout, Theuri was teling himself that he will be calling those sunlike to come to him and if they dont come running, he will hit them with a note of a thousand and tell them to get away from him and call another. When he looked at people sleeping under a Mugumo tree where Thaa thathaiya ngai sect used to pray on Sunday, he refused to know why they didnt have a Moshe Dayan that was rich or could access loan at Faulu to give them and start a business instead of sleeping under a tree in Nairobi.
Small, we were at Marigiti. To insert a canter there, there are some money that is paid. Theuri paid and remained with nothing, even money of soda.
Peeping inside canter, some tomatoes had started to ooze because of ripping too much and sun. But to Theuri, that was not a problem. After all, people buy even those that ooze. Oozing doesnt make it less a tomato, so he telled himself.
After parking, I went in earnest to go look for the broker. When I found him, I telled him to down the price per crate with 50 bob which should be commission for finding business.
When we reached, he looked at the tomatoes and looked at us. Then asked, "Mwagura nyanya ihana uu niki? ka mugurukaga!!? ici no muendeirie andu chips mathondete tomato sauce. Kana muenderie mathai cia matumbi. Itingigurwo kinya ni kihii ici. Ona kuria no murie mtigage urimu" (Why did you buy tomatoes like these? Do you get mad? These ones, unless you sell to people of chips they make tomato sauce. Or you sell to maasais of eggs they make kachumbari. You cant sell even to a kipii. You can as well eat, so that you stop foolishness)
We looked at each other and knew we had hit a wall. Earlier, we had heard stories of how the brokers cheat that your products are unsellable so that they can buy them like blunt panga. Theuri telled me not to worry.
Another broker came and telled us to pour all tomatoes at a place he was charging at 500 bob inside inside so that people can come and buy. With speed of light, we looked for people to come do the work of removing from lorry to the field.
When we finished, all people were looking at the oozing tomatoes and refusing to know. They were looking from far as it it was alshabaab time bomb.
Small time, kanju came and asked whose tomatoes they were. We saided ours. They telled us that that was dumping. They wanted to arrest us. We bribed them with 4000 shillings. Theuri didnt have a coin, so I removed mine.
After one hour and not a single one had been sold, the driver started to demand his money. Argument ensured until I saw a problem was coming. Head telled me that the best thing for me was to lost. So, I stole myself until my shop of selling movies.
Theuri himself could not handle the pressure from the driver anymore. When drive looked otherwise, he stole himself and went to hide about 50 meters watching over his tomatoes.
Small, he saw the driver of cater leave. He then saw the canter leave and knew atleast one pressure was off him. He went back to his things. No one neared them. Only one women of soko came took one tomato and ate it, without asking whose it is or paying for that tomato.
When the owner of land where they had been poured saw even his 500 bob wont be seen because no one was buying, he started to demand his money. Theuri telled him he go collect in town. He refused refused small telling him to pay there there. He begged and was allowed to go. He did not return. He abandoned it and came to my shop.
When he came to the shop, he started to cry. His greatest worry though was what he would tell his Moshe Dayan about of the loss. In his head, he knew that no one would believe him and that was the truth.
But I telled him that his loss was not alone. I had gone loss too and the owner of canter had removed his lorry from Naromoru until Nairobi and back without getting a single cent, yet it had even destroyed and had no petrol to return.
We burst out laughing and I telled him, it is God that had planned that loss and it was in preparation of better things to come, just like Job of the bible, everything was taken from him but at the end of the day, God repaid him. He looked at me as if to tell me that God has not done good mathematics there because Faulu money is not of to be joked. He looked at me as if to tell me that his faith is very little to be tested like Job.
We agreed with Theuri that he should give his Moshe blackout until he makes money to pay the loan. In the village, story reached differently.
It was rumored that Theuri did not start any business at all. They saided that he ate money with trappers and that I was an accomplice. To be true to God, no one touched a trapper with that money. Only the "profit" money and it was in thought, not in real life. If the money was eaten by trapper, it is the trappers eaten by sellers and broker of tomatoes who duped us into buy ripened tomatoes. Tomatoes are bought when green, they come as they ripe once plucked.
But it wasnt easy to clear his name. It is his sister that cleared the loan after Faulu raided his home and confiscated three cows.
From then, and after observing a trend, both for us and other people, he concluded that Faulu is like Muhindi. Their money cant help anyone. They only attract more trouble in your life.
That is the story he went with in the village to be accepted back. And when he cited many faulu cases in that same village, his Moshe agreed with him entirely and siaded, he will be seeing them and throwing saliva out. The only place that does not bewitch its money, according to Theuri's moshe and everyone in my village, is Muiganania.
That is why, even today, if Theuri passes near marigiti, he looks otherwise. He points marigiti with elbow. And when he hears anything regarding selling tomatoes, whether new or old, or selling anything at Marigiti, you will refuse to know what has hit him because of the way he will remove.
But even if Faulu bewitches its money before dispatching, I learnt a few things.
1. It is not advisable to borrow a loan for (a) start up and (b) a business you have no idea of. If you make total loss, to be called by the father is easy.
2. Also, when doing biz you have no have no idea of, you leave the sellers laughing under the table for inserting you box.
3. When a business falls, everyone will say its trappers that made it collapse. They will say you ate the money with trappers. "katari maraya ni atige maheni".
4. When a business flourishes, they will not see the trappers even if you carry ten in car. They will congratulate you and say you are a genius.
5. If you take Faulu or any other loan money, make sure you use it according to the purpose you took it for. Dont divert even a single cent.
6. If everything else has failed, like you have reached end and Faulu want to come for your things, remove them and hide them. If your household stuff are the security, shift before they strike. If for eg, you live in Zimma, shift to Ngong or Rongai. They will be seeing you but cant fetch you, can only fetch your things.
I am
Dagitari Wanjohi
Snr. Gyno & FAPORET
Monday, July 29, 2013
The Persons of Eastlands
On Friday, I had money like of thief. When I have money like that, several things happen. One, tree stretches upto knee level. Then, my eyes and brains refuses to coordinate completely. The other one, my phone either dies of fire, or it mysteriously rubs all contacts of persons, so I end up becoming unreachable or when tree stretches during that critical moment, I start browsing my phonebook to see who will with certainty put it on head and I end up getting no one. Either I dont see contacts on my phonebook and the ones I see, they already have gotten other buyers of dogogio.
The other thing, is that my car is able to smell oil of more than 200. Its abuse of the word car though, but since it moves, lets call it a car for convenience. The last time that thing saw insurance cover was a few decades ago, meaning it can only be driven at night when no traffic cop is around. Driving it at night also requires many long prayers to prevent it from being hit or hitting any other moving objects because it would be more profitable to lost and leave the object than the consequences. Also, if i say it has legs, i will go to satan direct. Its legs are as smooth as a baby's face. Some people would think that it had been smoothen by ladder to look smart. A small provocation on corrugated road means ten punctures at a go. A puncture means that it will sleep on road or go by rims because its spare leg, which was kaguru sirry, I lefted it in a petrol station a while back as security for fuel of 200 bob. When I have that two hundred bob, I usually dont have the jalopy and when I have the jalopy, I either find myself not near there or I avoid anywhere near that petrol station because I dont have that money.
Now, on Friday, when I catched that money, I tried to divide it but it could not fill all the problems at hand. Some problems were big to be sorted with that or either not very urgent. There were so many urgent things that needed attention, like repaying small small debts, clearing small small bills in my locals and returning hand to those who have been buying me dogogio for the last one month.
Nothing was filling well, so, I decided I dedicate 10k to have the car return to road small. Among the things I wanted to give priority to was a third party and 2 second hand legs of front from Cambodians for at least 1500 each.
I called my insurance guy and telled him I wanted a third party insurance as I waited to get good money to buy full comprehensive. He telled me to send him mpesa of 7500 plus of removing, then he will bring the sticker at 5PM.
There there, I sended him. Small, he smsed me and telled me "Thanks so much. Na nimekumbuka ulikuwa na balance ya 9k ya last year that you 'forgot' to pay me. I have deducted it, so tuma balance ya 1,500 alafu utume sasa ya this year"
I felt round round and round again like a dream. slapped myself to hear it was real. I felt pain, so I knew it was real. I wanted to call him and threaten him with dire consequences if he does not get me a sticker, then decided to say, if it has gone to a witch doctor, it does not return. I refused to know why God had decided to punish me like that when I remembered I could afford to send him his balance and more for insurance. It is then that satan whispered to my ear "life does not revolve around that car. You have bebabeba card, you have legs of your own, and remember, you need money in the evening for entertaining persons and paying room for climbing because your tree needs to be thanked for staying long before climbing good holes"
There there, I putted those misfortunes behind me and saided, it will stay like that until next time I see enough money.
In the evening, I started to remember who buys me when I am stepping with rim. Almost ten people came to mind. I did one plus one and saided that since its end month for all of them, let them buy themselves, I will buy them when it is not end month coz thats the only time they will remember. I saided that if I buy them dogogio when they have not stepped on foot, they will not remember later. It is like buying dogogio for a persons who is already drunk. Tomorrow of that day, they dont even remember seeing you anywhere.
I then remembered one guy that has access to some pupils of another college in town. He teaches there and is a climber with ear too. He is the kind that is always accompanied by 2 young souls and will talk bad when you dont return hand, so, you can only drink with or near him when you are fully loaded. When I called him and telled him I have money like satan and wouldn't mind to destroy a few thaos with him and several of his pupils, he telled me we meet at 8 and I will not be disappointed.
In the evening, he asked to name the type I want. I saided middle, not malnourished and not momo, someone who can put at 180 degrees because I only remain one shot for that week that must be used with alot of care, not wasting it up by beating up up because of lack of space to enter. You know at my age, one joti per week is what I can afford. Anything more than that is unnecessary pressure that I cant cope up with.
It is this us, until some place called Twisters/Red Square near Kayore junction. I choose that place because I had heard with rumour that rooms are
of international standard and only charges 1k. There is also another one, presidential pavilion that goes for 2500. It has a 62inc TV, 3sets of leather couches and room service. My idea was, if the pupil that was to be brought was of class, and I wanted to make her pour too, I was to take her to the pavilion. If she was ordinary or ivi ivi, then that one for one k. Infact if you tell a persons you are Sankara once inside, they will believe. But when you remove out, you hear smell of sewage running across outside thus removing it marks.
With him were 3 persons that looked like sun, though not extra ordinary. He telled me he would have brought 'sunner' persons, but they were refusing to come because they heard it was in Kayore and they were used to Nairobi of up or Tribekka after drinking Bluemoon at Madhuka. But those persons looked even more sun when they ordered Gin. With gin, you spend less than devil inspired Snapp and when a persons spends less of your money, she looks double sun to your head.
My tree had started to stretch as we continued to beat stories, until when one removed a cigarete and asked me if I had fire. Tree returned until stomach. My head refuses to know when it hears a persons smokes. When she saw I was refusing to know, she telled me that what she was smoking is called "Dunhill switch" that when you activate a switch, smell of
cigarette will not be heard in your mouth.
I tried to persuade tree to think again but where. Even when midnight reached, I was not getting the mood to borrow.
When it my refused to persuade me to climb, we lefted to sing Mugithi in Visa where dogogio was cheaper that twisters. The persons refused to accompany us, saying they will take motorbike home. He lefted two hundred for them for motor.
When it reached 3AM, he telled me he wanted to steal himself until home because he had been eaten enough. I telled him I was also not going to drink more. I decided to drop him because he saided he will not climb motorbike when he was drunk like that.
As we zoomed near HB, I saided we enter and drink one for home. I slowed down and a persons near stage stopped me and asked me if I was going to Donholm we drop her. The guy advised me against. He telled me not to. I refused to know why, so I telled the persons to enter.
When she entered, he looked at back then at me and said to me in low voice of a drunk persons "We utikaga risk ihana atia. Giki kimundu tikiega ona hanini. ndungiagikua men!" (Why do you take unnecesary risks, you should not take given lift this ki persons)
I telled him that she looked harmless to me and after all, we were dropping her on our way.
When we reached doni, she saided she was going to Nyayo estate. So, I telled her I drop her at pipu then she gets means from there because we were headed further up up outering. But head had already developed some ideas. I wanted I drop the teacher, then be lefted with her to borrow things.
The teacher guy was the first to remove. When he was removing, he telled me to take care of that persons, she did not look good at all. In head, I telled him to tell that to satan.
After removing, the persons, who I did not know was a Greek like us and was hearing what we were saying saided "Aki huo rafiki yako si ana roho mbaya? kai arangua atia (How is he carrying me?)
I telled her not to mind him, he boils somewhere when july, the month of cold reaches or when he takes dogogios. She continued "nie we derefa nguendire uriria nyonire ukienda kuingira hb. We wi muega muno no murataguo
niandakaria muno" (Me driver, I liked you the moment I saw you you are good, but your friend has offended me piu)
I telled the persons we enter at Links bar (not sure) we drink one. She saided she does not feel like drinking again. I inserted car between links bar and another bar and turned. I switched on the light of inside to see the persons well and be sure she does not look like of satan as the guy was suggesting.
The first thing I saw was cleavage. I felt my heart striked by electricity. Not sure of the face, but the cleavage looked stunningly hotter than anything I had seen the whole day.
I removed from car and entered back seat where she was and started to flirt small small.
Small, I stretched hand to touch as I tested if the hand will be thrown away, like the way PMs do when you go home almost in the morning and you touch touch them. Hand gets thrown until you refuse to know why they dont throw javeline in competitions. She smiled, an indication that I was geving me greenlight to touch touch.
It is me, brookies. She removed the brookie from bra herself and pulled my head to suck well well. When sucking, my other had was holding pocket to ensure that she does not enter me pockets and steal my hard earned money.
I returned the other hand down down and inserted it in her trouser and felt wet wet. Touching small small, she removed my hand, unzipped her trao, then removed all trouser, then bended.
Now with the back facing me, I could see and touch all tiita. Quite big, to be precise because it was filling all my palm. Just like of cow, but dont carry me wrong. I touched and touched, puling runguthustu small small, then inserting almost all hand because it was filling. Water started to drip drip, as she said mbus. Small, my hand was full of water.
I rose up small to reach for a towel that wipes dashboard. When she saw what I was doing, she telled me "We, niki ureka? urenda kuhura na
gitambaya kiu? conoka. ndina cuka, (removes scarf tied on her neck) ke uhure na uyu ninjui ndureda chafue ngari yaku" (What are you wanting to do? You want to wipe me with that towel? shame on you, I have scarf (removes it from her neck). Wipe me with this, I know you don't want me to dirty your car)
I wiped her tiita with it then continued to touch touch. That time, my tree is almost exploding.
She telled me "Aki sweetie, ingiza sasa, naumia akiii oieeee"
I refused to know because I did not have makobosto. I telled her I dont have makobosto. I asked "wina makobosto hau?" Do you have makobosto?"
She turned and asked me "ndukangue uguo urenda kungua nie. Nie ndiikaga mitugo iyo" (Dont carry me like that, I dont do those things), implying she is not a trapper.
I telled her then I remove to go guy makobosto, as I was still touching touching. I removed out but did not see any Masai to send. I telled her I cant see masai. She telled me "Si uingize ivo" There there, I returned sober and refused to know why she wanted to kill me for no reason.
I telled her we go at Nyayo and look for a bar to buy makobosto.
As I was removing the car, I saw she was communicating with someone on phone, telling whoever was on the other end that she was on the way. When we reached where railway lines crosses the road, near Taj Mall, my intuition telled me not to proceed further because I was being arranged to be either robbed or be hidden and ransom be demanded.
I pretended to be getting drunk and telled the persons "nieee nidareeeoo muno. ndigokera haha. reke ngurihire nduthi igutuare, nie ndingihota guthie (I have been drunked too much, I cant pass here, let me pay you a motorbike it takes you)
She said ok. I gave her a sock and she climbed a motorbike that was passing and spend off.
As I was returning, I asked myself, since she was not a trapper, and she was ready to be climbed by a stranger without makobosto, what made me not climb her?
Now, yesterday morning, the teacher guy called me and telled me "Munene, nindirariganiirwo ni ka Laptop gakwa hau ngarini thutha. Ni ka mini laptop kena bag ya black, wahota guthie carwash uriganirwo ke hau thutha kaiywo ni imundu cia carwash. Ningumigira huaine" (Leader, I forgot my latop at the back. its is a mini laptop that is inside a black bag, you might forget and go to carwash and it get stolen by those people of carwash. I will come for it later"
I doubted ever seeing a latop so, I went to check. I searched all over but didnt see a trace. I called the guy and told him I cant see any.
Within a few minutes he was there. We searched for it, even inside the hole of pressure but where.
He looked at me and telled me "No nginya ikorwo ni maraya iria urakuite iraiyire. Ngwenda o laptop ingi" (*Must be that trapper you carried that stole. I want another laptop). But the looks of his eyes, he either thinks I planned with that trapper so as to sell it at Soko Kuu. This is the place I will still go to buy a second hand one to replace that one. I might fall for the stolen one. So, if you hear me looking for a mini, and you boughted a stolen laptop, dont sell to me, because I will throw you inside and add that even an Iphone was stolen.
And as we are speaking, I cant tell how that trapper removed with the laptop. I am now doing a harambee to enable me repay a laptop that 'my' trapper stole.
I am
Dagitari Onjohi.
Snr. Gyno.
The other thing, is that my car is able to smell oil of more than 200. Its abuse of the word car though, but since it moves, lets call it a car for convenience. The last time that thing saw insurance cover was a few decades ago, meaning it can only be driven at night when no traffic cop is around. Driving it at night also requires many long prayers to prevent it from being hit or hitting any other moving objects because it would be more profitable to lost and leave the object than the consequences. Also, if i say it has legs, i will go to satan direct. Its legs are as smooth as a baby's face. Some people would think that it had been smoothen by ladder to look smart. A small provocation on corrugated road means ten punctures at a go. A puncture means that it will sleep on road or go by rims because its spare leg, which was kaguru sirry, I lefted it in a petrol station a while back as security for fuel of 200 bob. When I have that two hundred bob, I usually dont have the jalopy and when I have the jalopy, I either find myself not near there or I avoid anywhere near that petrol station because I dont have that money.
Now, on Friday, when I catched that money, I tried to divide it but it could not fill all the problems at hand. Some problems were big to be sorted with that or either not very urgent. There were so many urgent things that needed attention, like repaying small small debts, clearing small small bills in my locals and returning hand to those who have been buying me dogogio for the last one month.
Nothing was filling well, so, I decided I dedicate 10k to have the car return to road small. Among the things I wanted to give priority to was a third party and 2 second hand legs of front from Cambodians for at least 1500 each.
I called my insurance guy and telled him I wanted a third party insurance as I waited to get good money to buy full comprehensive. He telled me to send him mpesa of 7500 plus of removing, then he will bring the sticker at 5PM.
There there, I sended him. Small, he smsed me and telled me "Thanks so much. Na nimekumbuka ulikuwa na balance ya 9k ya last year that you 'forgot' to pay me. I have deducted it, so tuma balance ya 1,500 alafu utume sasa ya this year"
I felt round round and round again like a dream. slapped myself to hear it was real. I felt pain, so I knew it was real. I wanted to call him and threaten him with dire consequences if he does not get me a sticker, then decided to say, if it has gone to a witch doctor, it does not return. I refused to know why God had decided to punish me like that when I remembered I could afford to send him his balance and more for insurance. It is then that satan whispered to my ear "life does not revolve around that car. You have bebabeba card, you have legs of your own, and remember, you need money in the evening for entertaining persons and paying room for climbing because your tree needs to be thanked for staying long before climbing good holes"
There there, I putted those misfortunes behind me and saided, it will stay like that until next time I see enough money.
In the evening, I started to remember who buys me when I am stepping with rim. Almost ten people came to mind. I did one plus one and saided that since its end month for all of them, let them buy themselves, I will buy them when it is not end month coz thats the only time they will remember. I saided that if I buy them dogogio when they have not stepped on foot, they will not remember later. It is like buying dogogio for a persons who is already drunk. Tomorrow of that day, they dont even remember seeing you anywhere.
I then remembered one guy that has access to some pupils of another college in town. He teaches there and is a climber with ear too. He is the kind that is always accompanied by 2 young souls and will talk bad when you dont return hand, so, you can only drink with or near him when you are fully loaded. When I called him and telled him I have money like satan and wouldn't mind to destroy a few thaos with him and several of his pupils, he telled me we meet at 8 and I will not be disappointed.
In the evening, he asked to name the type I want. I saided middle, not malnourished and not momo, someone who can put at 180 degrees because I only remain one shot for that week that must be used with alot of care, not wasting it up by beating up up because of lack of space to enter. You know at my age, one joti per week is what I can afford. Anything more than that is unnecessary pressure that I cant cope up with.
It is this us, until some place called Twisters/Red Square near Kayore junction. I choose that place because I had heard with rumour that rooms are
of international standard and only charges 1k. There is also another one, presidential pavilion that goes for 2500. It has a 62inc TV, 3sets of leather couches and room service. My idea was, if the pupil that was to be brought was of class, and I wanted to make her pour too, I was to take her to the pavilion. If she was ordinary or ivi ivi, then that one for one k. Infact if you tell a persons you are Sankara once inside, they will believe. But when you remove out, you hear smell of sewage running across outside thus removing it marks.
With him were 3 persons that looked like sun, though not extra ordinary. He telled me he would have brought 'sunner' persons, but they were refusing to come because they heard it was in Kayore and they were used to Nairobi of up or Tribekka after drinking Bluemoon at Madhuka. But those persons looked even more sun when they ordered Gin. With gin, you spend less than devil inspired Snapp and when a persons spends less of your money, she looks double sun to your head.
My tree had started to stretch as we continued to beat stories, until when one removed a cigarete and asked me if I had fire. Tree returned until stomach. My head refuses to know when it hears a persons smokes. When she saw I was refusing to know, she telled me that what she was smoking is called "Dunhill switch" that when you activate a switch, smell of
cigarette will not be heard in your mouth.
I tried to persuade tree to think again but where. Even when midnight reached, I was not getting the mood to borrow.
When it my refused to persuade me to climb, we lefted to sing Mugithi in Visa where dogogio was cheaper that twisters. The persons refused to accompany us, saying they will take motorbike home. He lefted two hundred for them for motor.
When it reached 3AM, he telled me he wanted to steal himself until home because he had been eaten enough. I telled him I was also not going to drink more. I decided to drop him because he saided he will not climb motorbike when he was drunk like that.
As we zoomed near HB, I saided we enter and drink one for home. I slowed down and a persons near stage stopped me and asked me if I was going to Donholm we drop her. The guy advised me against. He telled me not to. I refused to know why, so I telled the persons to enter.
When she entered, he looked at back then at me and said to me in low voice of a drunk persons "We utikaga risk ihana atia. Giki kimundu tikiega ona hanini. ndungiagikua men!" (Why do you take unnecesary risks, you should not take given lift this ki persons)
I telled him that she looked harmless to me and after all, we were dropping her on our way.
When we reached doni, she saided she was going to Nyayo estate. So, I telled her I drop her at pipu then she gets means from there because we were headed further up up outering. But head had already developed some ideas. I wanted I drop the teacher, then be lefted with her to borrow things.
The teacher guy was the first to remove. When he was removing, he telled me to take care of that persons, she did not look good at all. In head, I telled him to tell that to satan.
After removing, the persons, who I did not know was a Greek like us and was hearing what we were saying saided "Aki huo rafiki yako si ana roho mbaya? kai arangua atia (How is he carrying me?)
I telled her not to mind him, he boils somewhere when july, the month of cold reaches or when he takes dogogios. She continued "nie we derefa nguendire uriria nyonire ukienda kuingira hb. We wi muega muno no murataguo
niandakaria muno" (Me driver, I liked you the moment I saw you you are good, but your friend has offended me piu)
I telled the persons we enter at Links bar (not sure) we drink one. She saided she does not feel like drinking again. I inserted car between links bar and another bar and turned. I switched on the light of inside to see the persons well and be sure she does not look like of satan as the guy was suggesting.
The first thing I saw was cleavage. I felt my heart striked by electricity. Not sure of the face, but the cleavage looked stunningly hotter than anything I had seen the whole day.
I removed from car and entered back seat where she was and started to flirt small small.
Small, I stretched hand to touch as I tested if the hand will be thrown away, like the way PMs do when you go home almost in the morning and you touch touch them. Hand gets thrown until you refuse to know why they dont throw javeline in competitions. She smiled, an indication that I was geving me greenlight to touch touch.
It is me, brookies. She removed the brookie from bra herself and pulled my head to suck well well. When sucking, my other had was holding pocket to ensure that she does not enter me pockets and steal my hard earned money.
I returned the other hand down down and inserted it in her trouser and felt wet wet. Touching small small, she removed my hand, unzipped her trao, then removed all trouser, then bended.
Now with the back facing me, I could see and touch all tiita. Quite big, to be precise because it was filling all my palm. Just like of cow, but dont carry me wrong. I touched and touched, puling runguthustu small small, then inserting almost all hand because it was filling. Water started to drip drip, as she said mbus. Small, my hand was full of water.
I rose up small to reach for a towel that wipes dashboard. When she saw what I was doing, she telled me "We, niki ureka? urenda kuhura na
gitambaya kiu? conoka. ndina cuka, (removes scarf tied on her neck) ke uhure na uyu ninjui ndureda chafue ngari yaku" (What are you wanting to do? You want to wipe me with that towel? shame on you, I have scarf (removes it from her neck). Wipe me with this, I know you don't want me to dirty your car)
I wiped her tiita with it then continued to touch touch. That time, my tree is almost exploding.
She telled me "Aki sweetie, ingiza sasa, naumia akiii oieeee"
I refused to know because I did not have makobosto. I telled her I dont have makobosto. I asked "wina makobosto hau?" Do you have makobosto?"
She turned and asked me "ndukangue uguo urenda kungua nie. Nie ndiikaga mitugo iyo" (Dont carry me like that, I dont do those things), implying she is not a trapper.
I telled her then I remove to go guy makobosto, as I was still touching touching. I removed out but did not see any Masai to send. I telled her I cant see masai. She telled me "Si uingize ivo" There there, I returned sober and refused to know why she wanted to kill me for no reason.
I telled her we go at Nyayo and look for a bar to buy makobosto.
As I was removing the car, I saw she was communicating with someone on phone, telling whoever was on the other end that she was on the way. When we reached where railway lines crosses the road, near Taj Mall, my intuition telled me not to proceed further because I was being arranged to be either robbed or be hidden and ransom be demanded.
I pretended to be getting drunk and telled the persons "nieee nidareeeoo muno. ndigokera haha. reke ngurihire nduthi igutuare, nie ndingihota guthie (I have been drunked too much, I cant pass here, let me pay you a motorbike it takes you)
She said ok. I gave her a sock and she climbed a motorbike that was passing and spend off.
As I was returning, I asked myself, since she was not a trapper, and she was ready to be climbed by a stranger without makobosto, what made me not climb her?
Now, yesterday morning, the teacher guy called me and telled me "Munene, nindirariganiirwo ni ka Laptop gakwa hau ngarini thutha. Ni ka mini laptop kena bag ya black, wahota guthie carwash uriganirwo ke hau thutha kaiywo ni imundu cia carwash. Ningumigira huaine" (Leader, I forgot my latop at the back. its is a mini laptop that is inside a black bag, you might forget and go to carwash and it get stolen by those people of carwash. I will come for it later"
I doubted ever seeing a latop so, I went to check. I searched all over but didnt see a trace. I called the guy and told him I cant see any.
Within a few minutes he was there. We searched for it, even inside the hole of pressure but where.
He looked at me and telled me "No nginya ikorwo ni maraya iria urakuite iraiyire. Ngwenda o laptop ingi" (*Must be that trapper you carried that stole. I want another laptop). But the looks of his eyes, he either thinks I planned with that trapper so as to sell it at Soko Kuu. This is the place I will still go to buy a second hand one to replace that one. I might fall for the stolen one. So, if you hear me looking for a mini, and you boughted a stolen laptop, dont sell to me, because I will throw you inside and add that even an Iphone was stolen.
And as we are speaking, I cant tell how that trapper removed with the laptop. I am now doing a harambee to enable me repay a laptop that 'my' trapper stole.
I am
Dagitari Onjohi.
Snr. Gyno.
Thursday, June 13, 2013
Dirty Money Not Dirty After All
Recently, police and media have been waging war on strip clubs and massage parlors all over the country. I have no reason to stop them, but they should know a thing or two they dont know.
They should no that no one is forced to go there. People go there on their own volition. People know its safer than Luthuli trappers where you can be stolen by force and its cleaner, so, its bad to destroy other people's businesses. More so, if you compare how much you spend there and how much you can spend with persons, their entertainment of dogogio and fare money, you will forever be grateful with whoever came up with the idea of massage parlors.
My experience with trappers has not been so good before. I have beated you stories of my ordeal with them before but this one, I have never.
One day, when Tusker was 60 bob in the most expensive joints like Cactus. The persons I was destroying money with, after drinking enough, saided that month was there and my tree had stretched until knee.
I got angry and telled her to go to satan. After she left, I felt tree must sleep inside. Although I had almost refused to know myself, I went until Egesa and telled the soldier there to look for me one persons, even if its of paying.
He brought me a persons and without looking of how she was looking, whether sun or orangutan, I drove until my house. We entered house and when I putted lights on, I saw she looked quite aged. But I saided since it was to pour i wanted, I will tolerate.
I don't know what I said and she laughed her all. When, I looked at her, she did not have even one tooth. Even one imagin!
I rose up and neared her, then asked "nakuuliza, yani hauna meno hata moja?
She smiled shyly and saided no. I asked her again "na kusema ukweli, hata ya kuwekwo hauna? She smiled again.
I asked her how much she was going to charge me and she saided 300. I removed 200 bob, gave her and telled her to let me not be able to climb. She took the 2sock and left.
But the main reason I sent her packing was not lack of teeth. Drunked man can eat anything. But it is the thought of the many fights she had foughted until she lost all teeth. So, I refused to know, if she starts to fight me, over anything, she has nothing else left for her to loose.
I slept small and felt that there was no way I was getting sleep even small without having to pour. That time, there was not facebook to write "insomnia" at night to get people with same disease to chat until one has catched sleep.
I removed from house and saided, let me go to Ngara, I might fall on those hostel persons that drink at Citrus. That time, Citrus was the only bar that was saying in Ngara, together with King Lions sound.
Just outside as I was parking, I saw a ka persons that looked like a pupil of college in town residing in Ngara. I called her and she came and entered car.
To measure her devil, I telled her I was going home and if she was easy with me. She saided no problem. Before zooming, I checked her well well if she had any tooth missing.
I zoomed again until my house. We entered alright. Ahh, abc, and when she removed thuruari, I felt foul smell come out. Foul smell of satan, similar to what you hear when you enter Karumaindo or Good hope or other dingy trappers joints. Smell of many muclimbanos that happens without trappers washing themselves.
I closed mouth and asked her if she was a trapper. She saided yes. I asked her how much she was going to charge me. She saided since it was morning, she will only ask for 300.
I gave her 200 like the toothless and telled her to remove from my house there and then.
Before I finished to talk, she started to wail in loud voice, very loud voicew "iiiii uuuuu aaaa"
To avoid attracting neighbors, I moved fast near her and begged her to keep quiet. She continued even louder "uuu aaaa uuu unataka kunifanyia kama huyo mwanaume mwingine, ame ni climb alafu akanifukuza.. uuu aaaa"
I begged and telled her its ok, I wont throw her out. I refused to know what neibors would think of me and the way they respected me. I telled her I had no bad, she should feel free to sleep on the sofa until morning, so that she can go as she was seeing herself.
She slept until morning but I did not touch.
That is why I am saying, let massage be. Let those strippers places be. If you are forced to go to massage place, call them evil. If you take yourself, you are game and continue. To the others, there is nothing of you that is eaten.
I am,
Dagitari Onjohi.
Snr. Gyno.
They should no that no one is forced to go there. People go there on their own volition. People know its safer than Luthuli trappers where you can be stolen by force and its cleaner, so, its bad to destroy other people's businesses. More so, if you compare how much you spend there and how much you can spend with persons, their entertainment of dogogio and fare money, you will forever be grateful with whoever came up with the idea of massage parlors.
My experience with trappers has not been so good before. I have beated you stories of my ordeal with them before but this one, I have never.
One day, when Tusker was 60 bob in the most expensive joints like Cactus. The persons I was destroying money with, after drinking enough, saided that month was there and my tree had stretched until knee.
I got angry and telled her to go to satan. After she left, I felt tree must sleep inside. Although I had almost refused to know myself, I went until Egesa and telled the soldier there to look for me one persons, even if its of paying.
He brought me a persons and without looking of how she was looking, whether sun or orangutan, I drove until my house. We entered house and when I putted lights on, I saw she looked quite aged. But I saided since it was to pour i wanted, I will tolerate.
I don't know what I said and she laughed her all. When, I looked at her, she did not have even one tooth. Even one imagin!
I rose up and neared her, then asked "nakuuliza, yani hauna meno hata moja?
She smiled shyly and saided no. I asked her again "na kusema ukweli, hata ya kuwekwo hauna? She smiled again.
I asked her how much she was going to charge me and she saided 300. I removed 200 bob, gave her and telled her to let me not be able to climb. She took the 2sock and left.
But the main reason I sent her packing was not lack of teeth. Drunked man can eat anything. But it is the thought of the many fights she had foughted until she lost all teeth. So, I refused to know, if she starts to fight me, over anything, she has nothing else left for her to loose.
I slept small and felt that there was no way I was getting sleep even small without having to pour. That time, there was not facebook to write "insomnia" at night to get people with same disease to chat until one has catched sleep.
I removed from house and saided, let me go to Ngara, I might fall on those hostel persons that drink at Citrus. That time, Citrus was the only bar that was saying in Ngara, together with King Lions sound.
Just outside as I was parking, I saw a ka persons that looked like a pupil of college in town residing in Ngara. I called her and she came and entered car.
To measure her devil, I telled her I was going home and if she was easy with me. She saided no problem. Before zooming, I checked her well well if she had any tooth missing.
I zoomed again until my house. We entered alright. Ahh, abc, and when she removed thuruari, I felt foul smell come out. Foul smell of satan, similar to what you hear when you enter Karumaindo or Good hope or other dingy trappers joints. Smell of many muclimbanos that happens without trappers washing themselves.
I closed mouth and asked her if she was a trapper. She saided yes. I asked her how much she was going to charge me. She saided since it was morning, she will only ask for 300.
I gave her 200 like the toothless and telled her to remove from my house there and then.
Before I finished to talk, she started to wail in loud voice, very loud voicew "iiiii uuuuu aaaa"
To avoid attracting neighbors, I moved fast near her and begged her to keep quiet. She continued even louder "uuu aaaa uuu unataka kunifanyia kama huyo mwanaume mwingine, ame ni climb alafu akanifukuza.. uuu aaaa"
I begged and telled her its ok, I wont throw her out. I refused to know what neibors would think of me and the way they respected me. I telled her I had no bad, she should feel free to sleep on the sofa until morning, so that she can go as she was seeing herself.
She slept until morning but I did not touch.
That is why I am saying, let massage be. Let those strippers places be. If you are forced to go to massage place, call them evil. If you take yourself, you are game and continue. To the others, there is nothing of you that is eaten.
I am,
Dagitari Onjohi.
Snr. Gyno.
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Light Can Never Be my Brand.
PMs are very interesting species of persons. They will never be satisfied with anything you do to them. Like for example, if you make it a habit of going home by 9, they will try anything possible to make you you are home by 8. If you agree to that, they will want you to be watching even news of 7 together. If you encourage her to be calling you when 10 reaches when you are doing dogogio and agree to go home, she will be doing that daily and if you dont go home, she will call all people of your family and say you your work is dogogio and trappers.
I happened to be home early on Thursday last week and what I heard from PM did not make me happy. We were watching news of Omtura's fiasco with tu persons, including small and then, she started to read for me why men go for mpangos and mostly, orangutan mupangos like that of Omtura who was saying she borned him a baby. Small, she read and read me as if I was the one that was responsible for that particular incident.
But with my PM, when such an issue arises, the best thing I do is to keep quiet and listen to her endless lecture because there are some things I can respond and she will lost there there. PMs are different and their handling is different.
Like my friend Theuri, he tells us that if he suspects his PM is going to read for him about anything, he enters house and if he sees even a bucket on his way in, he beats it shoot until it hits ceiling. Then, he gets cups on the table. He lifts them and ask why they were not returned to kitchen. Before an asnwer is given, he beats the table shoot, killing anything that was on top of it. When his PM sees that, even what she had planned to ask him is shelved. He telled us that during that Omtura news time, he saw his PM almost ask something to do with mipangos. And because he did not want things to reach far, he AHEMed and showed a sign of kicking the table. His PM, because she knows where his devils have reached, she removed plates from table to avoid them from dying when he kicks the table.
My style is different. If PM tries to read me, I make sure I will drink until morning the following day to punish her. So, when she started to read for me because of Omtura's mpangos as if they were mine, I wrote myself drinking until morning tomorrow of that day.
Now, I telled you before that there is nothing in Nairobi that I dont know where you can get it from, including, where to remove stomach at a good price. Even if you want a degree from London School of Economics, I can get you one. These days, its easy because you can search from google if you are employed with a degree you dont know about.
If you are a persons and you have been hit by hard times and you have morals of satan, I can as well show you some place in Mombasa you can become rich so easily but filthily. But a wise man once said, the end justifies what? say means. And another guy who was born in America called Malcolm once saided, By any means necessary is what you should achieve what That is why you have not heard me talk about that Mombasa incident because that would be destroying a business I can make money from. Infact a sorce close to trappers in Mombasa said that they were just doing normal prostituting and one Orangutan that was chased decided to destroy the business by making allegation that made them look bad.
So, on Friday,we happened to have beaten a small deal that each of us pocket 65k. 65k like that not planned for does not happen everyday.
After we putted it in our pockets, we wented to Magomano to thank
ourselves with a dry fried shicken of male. As we waited for it to burn, satan whispered to my ear to call a ka persons to come eat a portion of that 65k but head telled me to go deposit 60k on mpesa and remain with 5k plus other money I had for Friday plan to destroy . When I reached mpesa agent, satan whispered "mh. Shauri yako. Safaricom can fall tomorrow and it will fall with your money. Bank fall, its only mpesa? Dont say I did not warn you oh!"
I returned money in my pocket and saided I put in Airtel money instead. Then, i remembered they stole small money from me and refused to even listen to my plea to return. You all remember how I begged them to return it but where. So, I saided, let it remain in pocket, then when I see either coop or equity agent,I will deposit there. After all, I am not goint to come into contact with grinders aka trappers on that day. Head said, it is better for it to lost in bank than mpesa.
I returned in Magomano and we ramnyad the ka shicken. We then telled ourselves we beat two as we waited for darkness to come to know where we were going to sing Mugithi. As we were placing the order, I was torn between choosing to drink Tusker Light or Whitecup Light or Tusker Malt or Heineken, all beer of the rich. There was no way I was going to be having so much money in my pocket and still drink Tusker Lager like a person suffering from wallet malnutrition.
On that day, head was viewing Tusker as equal partner of Allsopps. As I looked around, I was feeling mercy for those drinking Tuskers or Whitecups coz head was telling me, it is money they did not have. I almost shed tears when I saw others drinking Barozi, coz in head, I knew they were just cheating themselves that it is sugar they dont like but in essence, they know in head that it eats one faster than Tusker. I felt tha also for some guys that were drinking Simainoff Vodka. I almost wented there to throw it out and buy them atleast a J & B and tell them Simainoff is only drinked in Bila Shoo, not a place with so much presite like Magomano.
For the first time since I was born, I asked to be served with Tusker Light. Even the waiter first refused to know because most of the time, he knew us as people that first beat KC so that Tusker can drink us well.
Before we finished round one, Mpesa saided that he has a ka persons that is reading how to treat cows in a school called ILRI. He told us that that persons will bring all persons that have not been split and if split, they were split by boys. Others, if they have ever been climbed, it was only once and their boyfriends went to USA and did not return. He called and asked her if she can deliver 4 or more persons to come drink until morning with the rich. She saided like Satan but after classes after 6.
When he mentioned about IRLI, we refused to know why we have been
struggling with trappers of exhibition who gets climbed every sato by different men. We refused to know why we struggle to pull persons from Facebook and we know very well that we once gotted some persons in Koinange at night facebooking. Some even check in "Galileo" while infact, they are behind Galileo trapping Indians. And all Indian like kwa nyeni. They say front, let it be left to the one that pays houserent.
It is this us, until Maxland where we planed to entertain them small before going to drink dogogio of expensive at Westlands where they will check in and tell all of their friends how some very very rich guys boughted them drink of 200 without closing even one eye or scratching skin.
Small time, like the rich, we called our other friends who had been hit by hard time, including Martin Maura. We chose carefully to call only those that had prospect of having money tomorrow of that week so that they can return hand. Others were determined if they could go spread news that we bought beer until all club stopped. If one could spread news, we called them.
Small, we were like 15. But the persons at IRLI kept beating story of giant until 9pm. Marto, as usual kept pestering me why the persons I promised will remove for him is. In head, I saided that since his choice I know, not easy to get, coz he prefers completely malnourished and tall and yellow yellow, he will eat home. Those are not easily found because they all speak good english and to tell them to come to Waiyaki way beyond Westi, it is to say very very bad.
Even at 11PM, the persons was saying she will come and deliver untouched persons. Small, we realised she was not going to come. We blamed Theuri because he had counted eggs before they had hatched. He had sweared that he will throw makobosto on wall if he hears small hindrance because that is an indication of not split. He saided that if she is yellow yellow enough, he will put her stomach and keep her because life these days requires one to keep instead of jumping jumping.
By the time it reached 2am, almost everyone had losted hope and most of the drinker pals had left either to home or to other joints after drinking beer without being asked to do equal equal.
But surprisingly, after having drinked over 20 Lights, it is when I was feeling like I had taken two Tuskers. That is why when one Prof saided we go to home and Theuri shouted "umuthi kani kwina kibimba night. Kambodians maihuire kuu tuthiei tukuma na andu" (Today, at Carnivore, there is kamba night. Lets go there and we will remove with something), I felt like I had been given a new lease of life. I could not imagine, with all those water in my stomach, I was as sobber as a judge.
I wanted to refuse story of Carnivore when I remembered that if my pm heard, even with rumours, or dreams that I was at Carni, she will not even give me notice of losting. She says i passed the age of going to kani long time. In her head, she thinks kani is gonned by small boys of 25 years and below. But I when remembered katimba cha mukamba, tree stretched until knee and saided, only wrong they can do is to stamp my hand. Infact I consider that as a sign of the beast. That stamp is not good oh. It is 999 in disguise.
It is this us until Kani. When we reached there, we saided that we will have to do ujanja and not pay the entrance fee of Kshs. 500 bob because it was almost morning. I am one of the greatest opposer of paying money to enter somewhere to drink dogogio. But since we were at Kani, we had no option because that is Kani, not Egesa.
We stood outside small to assess situation of how we will beat the system. Outside, we were standing with some guys, some with sleepers, others smart. But we refused to know why anyone can remove from Kitui kwa Kyelu and come to Kani and refuse to pay entrance or lack money to pay entrance. How can someone remove from all that far only to come and stand outside? Who does that?
As we were standing, Theuri spotted a thief pickpocketing a phone from some guy that was on the queue. He jumped and hit the thief until he fell on the ground. He then took the guy to police and soldiers guarding there and telled them to lock him in until he comes back.
The police, either thinking Theuri is their Senior or to thank him for the good job done, he held his hand and took him until inside, without him paying anything.
Small, one of the ushers spotted me as I was looking for ujanja to jump the line and not pay. She saw like I looked like a person who can do a deal. She came to me and asked me if I have 200 I enter. I saided like satan, gave him my 200 and I was inserted until inside. I telled the usher to also insert mpesa and The Prof, they are also of deal and cannot talk. Mpesa and professor were ushered in shortly after after paying the usher 200 without receipt.
When I telled them we go inside small to look for a place to sit, Theuri telled me we are VIPs. He saided that we look who has biggerst stomach and smart engough so that we pretend we were guarding him and say he is MP for Gatundu North. We settled on the Prof. Guarding him like real REECE squad, we walked until VIP area. The bouncer guarding did not stop us. At vip, we found an empty table next to Ken wa Maria who had like 5 persons he was giving stories of giants adn entertaining. Mpesa telled me to go tell him to accept to be beaten a photo with us so that we can post it on facebook tomorrow of that day to make all of you know that we know Ken wa Maria. I wented and whispered to him, but he seemed too engrossed with the persons to listen to me, leave alone to accept our request.
I returned to the table and called the waiter to serve the VIP. VIP seats comes with a price to pay. Beers at VIP were selling at 300 while where normal people seat, it was selling at 250. We refused to know what to do. Mpesa saided we wait small and see. Small, he came back holding 4 beers with hands. He excitedly telled us that he bought at a certain counter at 270. What a saving!
We refused to know if waiter will agree to open for us our beer because we boughted at a cheaper place. I beckoned him, although shaking small to come open. I was thinking he will tell me to get it opened where I bought, bui he did not. He open but refused to know what kind of VIP we were. VIP of cold, he thoughted.
For every round, we were doing like that. Persons that were seated behind us refused to know what kind of VIPs we were and removed from VIP because they could not tolerate drinking next to vips of cold. Instead of catching rich, they were catching stories of refusing to know.
As 5AM neared to reach, I went to the latrine and met a not so slender, yellow yellow, not tall and not short, a kind that Mato will salivate until tomorrow. She looked like size 8, even toes of hands. I filled myself like a boy child and saided I will talk to her, if she talks bad, I go away and if she talks good, its my lucky day. After all, I had money, I said. I neared her and introduced myself. She also introduced herself and when I heard a deep Kamba accent, my confidence doubled. My confidence doubles with the amount of shrub a persons produces. If she talks like a nigga, I will look from far until I am drunked enough to know how to speak ki nigga fluently. For that persons, head telled me that she had come all the way from Kitui and sharing a table to the crew would be a chance she can tweet or write on facebook that she has drinked with the leaders.
I pulled her until where the rest were seated and introduced to her. They all looked at me and said I am very bad if I can pull something so hot like that. Mpesa tried to tell me inm ear that she will put medicine on us but I told him off. I said with heart that even if it was medicine being putted, it is better to be putted by a sun like persons, I will not regret. Theuri also agreed with Mpesa that it was of medicine and if I had arranged with her to come and steal what we had made that day, I had milked a he-goat. He telled me to think otherwise because he had put his money on mpesa.
I asked what she wanted to drink and as usual, like its norm to all persons this days, they saided that beer I dont want to mention because it replaced my favourite black ice that was making it so easy for persons to put it on head. With this brand I wont mention, persons drink until you finish all money, that is the time she starts to feel like getting drunk.
This time, I did not go to the counter of 270. I gave waiter 300 bob exact to come with that beer of wasting money.
Since kitimba songs had finished by that time, we telled each other since we have sinned enough, we go to a mugithi place and enjoy small. We agreed Visa of Umo. We asked the persons to accompanied us and she did not refuse. Head started to tell me that indeed, she was of medicine.
It is this us, until visa. When we reached, sun had almost started to remove from Mombasa side. Head telled me that it is better to even stay until day complete because there is no difference of 6am or 8am. There is no small sin and big sin when it reaches 6am.
We refused to know if it was to enter or go home. And we had a persons who had it on head but had a very small chance that she was of satan. Infact she did not have thuruari at all because I had touched touched and felt shaved tiita. It is better to say true. And she was not refusing me to touch. But all the time, I was remembering that I had alot of money with me, money that police can get you with and say you are not good. I saw a vision of me waking up tomorrow of that day in that guest room having been stolen everything.
I did not like that vision, so, I telled MPesa to take the ka persons, I was no longer interested. He telled me to arrange myself, he also was not interested because he saw many tutimbas at Carni but did not talk to any. He saided that he can smell medicine from 18!
I drew how to throw her. I telled the ka persons to go to that Guest at Visa and check if there was available rooms and how much they were charging.
In her head, because she had seen with heart that I had money with me, she knew she had finally hit a jackpot.
She removed from the car with speed and wented to the guest to inquire. After she inserted her head inside that guest room's gate, we zoomed like lack of importance from Visa.
I then went home and as usual when I go home when sun is in the sky, I tip toe until sitting room. I then putted myself in the seat to create an impression that I came home last night drunk and slept on the couch. Before laying myself, I removed money I had hid in the socks and in boxer, remained only 2k in my wallet and hid it in a crack inside one of the seats so that PM does not see that money. If she sees, she will give it work there there and it will not even be enough because works exceeds money all the time.
But PM had woken up earlier and heard that I had not come yet. Small, she came and started to read for me for coming so early in the morning.
She read and read and her reading now started to become soothing lullaby for me to sleep like a baby. Small, I felt myself. It was 12PM. I removed from seat and the first thing I did was to think of the money I had last night. I looked for it everywhere. In my wallet, in the socks but where. Only 2k in my wallet.
The first thing that came to my mind was that I had been stolen. I felt sad that the money was stolen by that size 8 look alike persons. I wanted to cry loudly but then said, I will make another deal, of men get lost many places.
It is after I came from washing myself that I started to recount my steps since I entered that house. Small, memory returned and remembered I had hid money somewhere in the house. Memory returned and when I found the money where I had hid, I felt like I had been born again. But the amount that was remaining almost made me refuse to know. I didnt know that Tusker Malt that very very expensive!. That is why, even if I beat a jackpot of what, I will stick to my Tusker. I saw again, Tusker Light, let those that want to drink drink it, but if it eats your money, dont say I did not tell you.
I saided that since in head, I had losted all of it, let me put it in MPESA and it remain there. If they fall, they will fall with many, not just mine.
I remain,
Dagitari Onjohi.
I happened to be home early on Thursday last week and what I heard from PM did not make me happy. We were watching news of Omtura's fiasco with tu persons, including small and then, she started to read for me why men go for mpangos and mostly, orangutan mupangos like that of Omtura who was saying she borned him a baby. Small, she read and read me as if I was the one that was responsible for that particular incident.
But with my PM, when such an issue arises, the best thing I do is to keep quiet and listen to her endless lecture because there are some things I can respond and she will lost there there. PMs are different and their handling is different.
Like my friend Theuri, he tells us that if he suspects his PM is going to read for him about anything, he enters house and if he sees even a bucket on his way in, he beats it shoot until it hits ceiling. Then, he gets cups on the table. He lifts them and ask why they were not returned to kitchen. Before an asnwer is given, he beats the table shoot, killing anything that was on top of it. When his PM sees that, even what she had planned to ask him is shelved. He telled us that during that Omtura news time, he saw his PM almost ask something to do with mipangos. And because he did not want things to reach far, he AHEMed and showed a sign of kicking the table. His PM, because she knows where his devils have reached, she removed plates from table to avoid them from dying when he kicks the table.
My style is different. If PM tries to read me, I make sure I will drink until morning the following day to punish her. So, when she started to read for me because of Omtura's mpangos as if they were mine, I wrote myself drinking until morning tomorrow of that day.
Now, I telled you before that there is nothing in Nairobi that I dont know where you can get it from, including, where to remove stomach at a good price. Even if you want a degree from London School of Economics, I can get you one. These days, its easy because you can search from google if you are employed with a degree you dont know about.
If you are a persons and you have been hit by hard times and you have morals of satan, I can as well show you some place in Mombasa you can become rich so easily but filthily. But a wise man once said, the end justifies what? say means. And another guy who was born in America called Malcolm once saided, By any means necessary is what you should achieve what That is why you have not heard me talk about that Mombasa incident because that would be destroying a business I can make money from. Infact a sorce close to trappers in Mombasa said that they were just doing normal prostituting and one Orangutan that was chased decided to destroy the business by making allegation that made them look bad.
So, on Friday,we happened to have beaten a small deal that each of us pocket 65k. 65k like that not planned for does not happen everyday.
After we putted it in our pockets, we wented to Magomano to thank
ourselves with a dry fried shicken of male. As we waited for it to burn, satan whispered to my ear to call a ka persons to come eat a portion of that 65k but head telled me to go deposit 60k on mpesa and remain with 5k plus other money I had for Friday plan to destroy . When I reached mpesa agent, satan whispered "mh. Shauri yako. Safaricom can fall tomorrow and it will fall with your money. Bank fall, its only mpesa? Dont say I did not warn you oh!"
I returned money in my pocket and saided I put in Airtel money instead. Then, i remembered they stole small money from me and refused to even listen to my plea to return. You all remember how I begged them to return it but where. So, I saided, let it remain in pocket, then when I see either coop or equity agent,I will deposit there. After all, I am not goint to come into contact with grinders aka trappers on that day. Head said, it is better for it to lost in bank than mpesa.
I returned in Magomano and we ramnyad the ka shicken. We then telled ourselves we beat two as we waited for darkness to come to know where we were going to sing Mugithi. As we were placing the order, I was torn between choosing to drink Tusker Light or Whitecup Light or Tusker Malt or Heineken, all beer of the rich. There was no way I was going to be having so much money in my pocket and still drink Tusker Lager like a person suffering from wallet malnutrition.
On that day, head was viewing Tusker as equal partner of Allsopps. As I looked around, I was feeling mercy for those drinking Tuskers or Whitecups coz head was telling me, it is money they did not have. I almost shed tears when I saw others drinking Barozi, coz in head, I knew they were just cheating themselves that it is sugar they dont like but in essence, they know in head that it eats one faster than Tusker. I felt tha also for some guys that were drinking Simainoff Vodka. I almost wented there to throw it out and buy them atleast a J & B and tell them Simainoff is only drinked in Bila Shoo, not a place with so much presite like Magomano.
For the first time since I was born, I asked to be served with Tusker Light. Even the waiter first refused to know because most of the time, he knew us as people that first beat KC so that Tusker can drink us well.
Before we finished round one, Mpesa saided that he has a ka persons that is reading how to treat cows in a school called ILRI. He told us that that persons will bring all persons that have not been split and if split, they were split by boys. Others, if they have ever been climbed, it was only once and their boyfriends went to USA and did not return. He called and asked her if she can deliver 4 or more persons to come drink until morning with the rich. She saided like Satan but after classes after 6.
When he mentioned about IRLI, we refused to know why we have been
struggling with trappers of exhibition who gets climbed every sato by different men. We refused to know why we struggle to pull persons from Facebook and we know very well that we once gotted some persons in Koinange at night facebooking. Some even check in "Galileo" while infact, they are behind Galileo trapping Indians. And all Indian like kwa nyeni. They say front, let it be left to the one that pays houserent.
It is this us, until Maxland where we planed to entertain them small before going to drink dogogio of expensive at Westlands where they will check in and tell all of their friends how some very very rich guys boughted them drink of 200 without closing even one eye or scratching skin.
Small time, like the rich, we called our other friends who had been hit by hard time, including Martin Maura. We chose carefully to call only those that had prospect of having money tomorrow of that week so that they can return hand. Others were determined if they could go spread news that we bought beer until all club stopped. If one could spread news, we called them.
Small, we were like 15. But the persons at IRLI kept beating story of giant until 9pm. Marto, as usual kept pestering me why the persons I promised will remove for him is. In head, I saided that since his choice I know, not easy to get, coz he prefers completely malnourished and tall and yellow yellow, he will eat home. Those are not easily found because they all speak good english and to tell them to come to Waiyaki way beyond Westi, it is to say very very bad.
Even at 11PM, the persons was saying she will come and deliver untouched persons. Small, we realised she was not going to come. We blamed Theuri because he had counted eggs before they had hatched. He had sweared that he will throw makobosto on wall if he hears small hindrance because that is an indication of not split. He saided that if she is yellow yellow enough, he will put her stomach and keep her because life these days requires one to keep instead of jumping jumping.
By the time it reached 2am, almost everyone had losted hope and most of the drinker pals had left either to home or to other joints after drinking beer without being asked to do equal equal.
But surprisingly, after having drinked over 20 Lights, it is when I was feeling like I had taken two Tuskers. That is why when one Prof saided we go to home and Theuri shouted "umuthi kani kwina kibimba night. Kambodians maihuire kuu tuthiei tukuma na andu" (Today, at Carnivore, there is kamba night. Lets go there and we will remove with something), I felt like I had been given a new lease of life. I could not imagine, with all those water in my stomach, I was as sobber as a judge.
I wanted to refuse story of Carnivore when I remembered that if my pm heard, even with rumours, or dreams that I was at Carni, she will not even give me notice of losting. She says i passed the age of going to kani long time. In her head, she thinks kani is gonned by small boys of 25 years and below. But I when remembered katimba cha mukamba, tree stretched until knee and saided, only wrong they can do is to stamp my hand. Infact I consider that as a sign of the beast. That stamp is not good oh. It is 999 in disguise.
It is this us until Kani. When we reached there, we saided that we will have to do ujanja and not pay the entrance fee of Kshs. 500 bob because it was almost morning. I am one of the greatest opposer of paying money to enter somewhere to drink dogogio. But since we were at Kani, we had no option because that is Kani, not Egesa.
We stood outside small to assess situation of how we will beat the system. Outside, we were standing with some guys, some with sleepers, others smart. But we refused to know why anyone can remove from Kitui kwa Kyelu and come to Kani and refuse to pay entrance or lack money to pay entrance. How can someone remove from all that far only to come and stand outside? Who does that?
As we were standing, Theuri spotted a thief pickpocketing a phone from some guy that was on the queue. He jumped and hit the thief until he fell on the ground. He then took the guy to police and soldiers guarding there and telled them to lock him in until he comes back.
The police, either thinking Theuri is their Senior or to thank him for the good job done, he held his hand and took him until inside, without him paying anything.
Small, one of the ushers spotted me as I was looking for ujanja to jump the line and not pay. She saw like I looked like a person who can do a deal. She came to me and asked me if I have 200 I enter. I saided like satan, gave him my 200 and I was inserted until inside. I telled the usher to also insert mpesa and The Prof, they are also of deal and cannot talk. Mpesa and professor were ushered in shortly after after paying the usher 200 without receipt.
When I telled them we go inside small to look for a place to sit, Theuri telled me we are VIPs. He saided that we look who has biggerst stomach and smart engough so that we pretend we were guarding him and say he is MP for Gatundu North. We settled on the Prof. Guarding him like real REECE squad, we walked until VIP area. The bouncer guarding did not stop us. At vip, we found an empty table next to Ken wa Maria who had like 5 persons he was giving stories of giants adn entertaining. Mpesa telled me to go tell him to accept to be beaten a photo with us so that we can post it on facebook tomorrow of that day to make all of you know that we know Ken wa Maria. I wented and whispered to him, but he seemed too engrossed with the persons to listen to me, leave alone to accept our request.
I returned to the table and called the waiter to serve the VIP. VIP seats comes with a price to pay. Beers at VIP were selling at 300 while where normal people seat, it was selling at 250. We refused to know what to do. Mpesa saided we wait small and see. Small, he came back holding 4 beers with hands. He excitedly telled us that he bought at a certain counter at 270. What a saving!
We refused to know if waiter will agree to open for us our beer because we boughted at a cheaper place. I beckoned him, although shaking small to come open. I was thinking he will tell me to get it opened where I bought, bui he did not. He open but refused to know what kind of VIP we were. VIP of cold, he thoughted.
For every round, we were doing like that. Persons that were seated behind us refused to know what kind of VIPs we were and removed from VIP because they could not tolerate drinking next to vips of cold. Instead of catching rich, they were catching stories of refusing to know.
As 5AM neared to reach, I went to the latrine and met a not so slender, yellow yellow, not tall and not short, a kind that Mato will salivate until tomorrow. She looked like size 8, even toes of hands. I filled myself like a boy child and saided I will talk to her, if she talks bad, I go away and if she talks good, its my lucky day. After all, I had money, I said. I neared her and introduced myself. She also introduced herself and when I heard a deep Kamba accent, my confidence doubled. My confidence doubles with the amount of shrub a persons produces. If she talks like a nigga, I will look from far until I am drunked enough to know how to speak ki nigga fluently. For that persons, head telled me that she had come all the way from Kitui and sharing a table to the crew would be a chance she can tweet or write on facebook that she has drinked with the leaders.
I pulled her until where the rest were seated and introduced to her. They all looked at me and said I am very bad if I can pull something so hot like that. Mpesa tried to tell me inm ear that she will put medicine on us but I told him off. I said with heart that even if it was medicine being putted, it is better to be putted by a sun like persons, I will not regret. Theuri also agreed with Mpesa that it was of medicine and if I had arranged with her to come and steal what we had made that day, I had milked a he-goat. He telled me to think otherwise because he had put his money on mpesa.
I asked what she wanted to drink and as usual, like its norm to all persons this days, they saided that beer I dont want to mention because it replaced my favourite black ice that was making it so easy for persons to put it on head. With this brand I wont mention, persons drink until you finish all money, that is the time she starts to feel like getting drunk.
This time, I did not go to the counter of 270. I gave waiter 300 bob exact to come with that beer of wasting money.
Since kitimba songs had finished by that time, we telled each other since we have sinned enough, we go to a mugithi place and enjoy small. We agreed Visa of Umo. We asked the persons to accompanied us and she did not refuse. Head started to tell me that indeed, she was of medicine.
It is this us, until visa. When we reached, sun had almost started to remove from Mombasa side. Head telled me that it is better to even stay until day complete because there is no difference of 6am or 8am. There is no small sin and big sin when it reaches 6am.
We refused to know if it was to enter or go home. And we had a persons who had it on head but had a very small chance that she was of satan. Infact she did not have thuruari at all because I had touched touched and felt shaved tiita. It is better to say true. And she was not refusing me to touch. But all the time, I was remembering that I had alot of money with me, money that police can get you with and say you are not good. I saw a vision of me waking up tomorrow of that day in that guest room having been stolen everything.
I did not like that vision, so, I telled MPesa to take the ka persons, I was no longer interested. He telled me to arrange myself, he also was not interested because he saw many tutimbas at Carni but did not talk to any. He saided that he can smell medicine from 18!
I drew how to throw her. I telled the ka persons to go to that Guest at Visa and check if there was available rooms and how much they were charging.
In her head, because she had seen with heart that I had money with me, she knew she had finally hit a jackpot.
She removed from the car with speed and wented to the guest to inquire. After she inserted her head inside that guest room's gate, we zoomed like lack of importance from Visa.
I then went home and as usual when I go home when sun is in the sky, I tip toe until sitting room. I then putted myself in the seat to create an impression that I came home last night drunk and slept on the couch. Before laying myself, I removed money I had hid in the socks and in boxer, remained only 2k in my wallet and hid it in a crack inside one of the seats so that PM does not see that money. If she sees, she will give it work there there and it will not even be enough because works exceeds money all the time.
But PM had woken up earlier and heard that I had not come yet. Small, she came and started to read for me for coming so early in the morning.
She read and read and her reading now started to become soothing lullaby for me to sleep like a baby. Small, I felt myself. It was 12PM. I removed from seat and the first thing I did was to think of the money I had last night. I looked for it everywhere. In my wallet, in the socks but where. Only 2k in my wallet.
The first thing that came to my mind was that I had been stolen. I felt sad that the money was stolen by that size 8 look alike persons. I wanted to cry loudly but then said, I will make another deal, of men get lost many places.
It is after I came from washing myself that I started to recount my steps since I entered that house. Small, memory returned and remembered I had hid money somewhere in the house. Memory returned and when I found the money where I had hid, I felt like I had been born again. But the amount that was remaining almost made me refuse to know. I didnt know that Tusker Malt that very very expensive!. That is why, even if I beat a jackpot of what, I will stick to my Tusker. I saw again, Tusker Light, let those that want to drink drink it, but if it eats your money, dont say I did not tell you.
I saided that since in head, I had losted all of it, let me put it in MPESA and it remain there. If they fall, they will fall with many, not just mine.
I remain,
Dagitari Onjohi.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
The Other Side Of Embu
A few weeks ago, we had gone to buy a Friend a PM in Embu. I dont know why, but of late, it has become a norm every weekend to hear a guy i know, or a person that is known to a mutual going to buy a PM in Embu or Meru.
I dont know why is this , but I have interacted with a few Embians persons and I know they qualify for that position more than any other languages I know. They will not shout at their husbands, just like their Merians sisters. I heard with rumors that if a meru persons loves you, she will become like a tick. She cant remove from you and will never err you, even once, unlike the persons from where most of us comes from. They all have become like persons of Nairobi where once you go out without her, she also goes out with her friends and meet in the morning when cock starts crowing. The remaining good ones have been teached by persons of Kabete how to be licked eyes by cats. In short, all persons are same same as of those of Kabete.So, for persons of nowadays, I advise them to enter internet and look for Europeans who have no idea that they are licked in the eyes.
Anyway, we wented to Embu with my group and paid the money that was demanded. Before leaving Nairobi, some were of the idea that we should carry persons from here because we had no intention of removing from Embu at night. In their head, they were thinking Embu is like Ngarua where they comes out with gamboots when its raining or slippers when its dry. They also wear kamisis and bikers and hood, so, even if one looks like sun, you cant touch. I was among those that vehemently opposed carrying of persons. I have been to Embu before and persons that comes out looks like sun and have it on head.
Among those that come with it on head are pupils of Embu Medical Training and I happened to know a persons there. When I telled them that the supply will outweigh the demand, some agreed with me.
Among the things I am well known for among my friends is my many contacts of persons. I know so many persons and most of them knows that whenever I call them, I call them either to meet my rich friends or to come and taste the zig zag. Although they prefer the rich friends, they also enjoy the zig of the leader.
To cut the loong story short, I contacted the pupil persons and telled her that I was in need of good supply of persons, those that had it on head, had no month and were ready to bask near fire. She telled me that she can get as many and that all had it on head. I asked if hers was on head and she telled me there was no way Leader could bring his zig in Embu and it fail to sleep inside a persons. Tree stretched until knee level.
I asked how many of the guys wanted supply. Almost all of them saided let persons come. But when I measured their devils, only 3 looked serious. Some wanted to look for themselves, others as I know them, wait until a persons is drunked by other people to make a good ground for them to strike when their buying ability decreases. So, I telled that pupil to only come with 3 persons.
It is this us, until a place called Kenol. Kenol for those who dont know is the bar that says in Embu. It is a unique bar because if you buy one crate, they beat you a photo and hang it inside there. At first, I was thinking that it was for those who losted with bill, but was telled that it is put there to remind you where your money finishes next time you pop in.
After we settled, I called the persons. In our sitting arrangements, we had satted according to how we have slept horns. Those who were waiting for my persons sat near me. Those that were timing trappers of there sat together.
Small, phone cried. The persons telled me they had finally arrived with a taxi because of rain and they wanted me to go pay. I asked how much is taxi and she saided two hundred. I telled her to do harambee among themselves and come inside, I will refund as it has borned. I then directed her to where we were seated.
Small, a group of persons emerged. She came with 6 persons and only two looked like sun well well. After greeting us, I telled the waiter to prepare us a table next. I then telled Theuri we move to that table. In ear, he whispered to me "Munene, ka wi na ngomaaa? kai weta kirathi kigima? Nie reke ndiethere njangiri guku icio ciaku wifange nacio" (Leader, you have Satan? you have called a whole class? Let me arrange myself with jangiris inside here, arrange yourself with those.
Akuku and Mpesa agreed and we shifted to that table. Small, Theuri came and saided to me in ear
"Guitigira ni kuhara. Ici imundu ni jui uria ciendaga. Reke tucietirie makari. cikinina half ithatu cia GIN kana Smirnoff Vodka igukorwo ikiuga ngemi ni kurio. Ona shukuru inyuaga Bluemoon. (To fear is to go broke. This persons I know how to handle them. We will make them drink Hard liquor. If they take Gin or Vodka, by rd, they will be screaming here because of being drunk. Even in college, they drink Bluemoon"
I looked at him and considered that an invention of the decade. In loud voice, I asked them "Mtakunywa Gin ama Vodka?
They looked at each other and refused to know. The one near me saided "Mimi nitakunywa Simainof led"
Head telled me she meant Smirnoff red, a sister of Black ice. I telled her Smirnoff Vodka is the best because even us, we will drink that because it even brings warmth on a cold day like that.
The others looked at each other. Theuri telled me in ear "Ndugacihe options. Cinyuaga kinya Bluemoon ona tucihaicitie iguru muno kugura Vodo. na Ciauga cinyue macohi mau metagwo anga Redds nituona uru tondu
itingirio" (Dont give them options. They drink Bluemoon, we have even kept them up by ordering Vodka. And if they drink Redds, we are finished, it does not eat anyone"
Head immediately telled me that the governement of coalition finished long ago, no more consultations. I called the waiter and ordered Half Vodo and 3 sodas.
The vodo half came with the soda, plus 6 whiskey glasses. I poured in all glasses, then putted soda in all then welcomed them to partake the drink. But all half had finished completely. So, I started to question the wisdom of Theuri small.
The persons looked at each other and no one was talking. Theuri telled them to drink and not to worry, they will drink until they write on facebook how they were drank last night.
From the group, only two dranked small. One of them looked red in eyes like a drinker of bangi, had a nostril and 10 earings on each ear. The other one was short and momo and round, like football. She looked like you could kick her and she would roll until the other goal post. In head, I was liking the one with many earings. Head was telling me that incase mine says month, that looked the better option because her bangi canot tell the leader that she does not get climbed on first date.
The supplier of persons saided she will not drink beer. I asked why and she siaded that she has not gotten used to.
I got sad and very sad, knowing that that is being told, Dude, month came unexpectedly and I dont want to drink your beer for nothing. Please, arrange yourself.
I begged her to take even a sip. She then telled me "Aki sijazoea hizi. nataka kukunywa Kingfisher moja tu!" Tree stretched again until knee.
I knelt down for happiness. With Kingfisher, head is guaranteed and you spend much less and in beer terms, one means until I fall down or until you stop buying.
Then, she telled me, "aki hawa madame wengine watatu hawajazoea pombe. Si wakunywe ile wanataka mild kiasi?"
With my tree standing for imagining my tree sleeping inside her, I did not refuse. I telled Theuri that it has beaten. He saided that each take care of two two from the group.
After two beer, mahungries of Embu started to stream in, and the first place they were landing was on our table. The persons looked like they were known by every patron. Akuku came to me and in ear, saided "Mundu uyu kai urehire njangiri cituikirire dawa utuhenagie ni tuiretu twa college? ngoma" (You brought us trappers to put us medicine and lying to us they are pupils of college. Satan)
Then, a guy who had accompanied us but was not interested in persons called me out. He telled me in ear
"Munene, kamundu kau winako ti kega ona hanini. Ni kamaraya. Ta riu kanda ingi hau ndaigua ikiuga igekite maita ta 40. Kafa urie njaro baba. ndaigua makiuga ikuhe giaku mbeca nyingi kiaria rio" (Leader, that persons you are with are not good. Like yours, i heard a guy say he has climbed her 20 times, even now, he might snatch her. He just need to bid higher when she drinks small small from you"
By that time, I had been dranked like satan. I telled him off and telled him that I was not looking for a virgin.
But when I returned, my opinion about them had dropped small and I started toi salivate on the "bangi drinker".
As drinking entered well, I telled my persons, the supplier that today, I will climb her and one of her friends who had red eyes. She looked at me with bad eyes but did not talk. Head telled me she is used to be climbed with her friends. So, I said I will have my first ever 3's.
As we were drinking, they would leave small, some to dance, others I dont know.
Small, Theuri came to me. I was almost refusing to know myself and napping small as per my tradition. He came and called me aside. He then telled me
"Hena imundu haha ndona, njega. Niukwenda twifange nacio? Iria ciaku irenda o kunywa mani" (I have seen persons, good. Can we arrange ourselves with them? Yours only want to drink. How do you see?)
I asked him " How much are they charging
He telled me that those persons I brought, although they are pupils, they destroy men of Embu with tiitas every weekend. He telled me that he had taken 3 to the car and putted fingers. He saided that that mine, it is makobosto that lacked. He even wented and bought makobosto but she refused to come out of bar again.
He telled me that for those two, they were no trappers even small, just some pupils of Meru university, they just want somewhere to sleep until morning. Tree hit me in head. I saided I be shown where they were. One was malnourished, another one was not momo and not malnourished, inbetween. I asked him which one is mine. He telled me the momo small. In head, he knew if he gave me the malnourished, I would have declined his offer.
I looked around and saw no one was seeing me leave. I closed eyes not to be seen leaving and walked out, followed by Theuri and his persons. We inserted in car until a popular place with climbers called Highway Motel.
When we reached, I asked the receptionist if anyone can leave room alone, leaving his partner. Here, I was measuring if I can be putted medicine and be left in room. She siaded no, but it is advisable to leave all valuables at the reception
I removed my phones and handed to them. I then removed wallet and realised that it had been punched a huge hole. I counted money and gave to them. Theuri too did the same.
Up, until room. ii, clothes off, iii, legs putted 180 degrees, ii, insert tree, ii, eat somebody, then sleep, only to feel myself in the morning when she woked me up. She had already bathed and putted clothes and looked ready to leave. I tried to jump but she telled me, she cant remove again, she was late.
Dejected, I washed my body and removed downstairs where I met Theuri and many others who had lodged there drinking Shiken soup. All of them had persons except Theuri. Theuri, because the malnoushed did not look so appealing, had removed from room and losted to downstairs where he could not be seen well.
Then, small, the persons I was to ramnya also emerged from room with another guy who was not from Nairobi. i tried to hide my face and when she saw me with vagina of her eyes, she dashed and losted not to be seen well.
To measure my devil, she smsed me a while later and asked me why I left her. I telled her its her who losted and my phone died of fire. She telled me that she stayed there until morning when she went back to school.
After she drinked soup, I gave her fare to go to Meru. But in head, I refused to believe that that was a pupil of Meru Uni. I cant be wrong. They must have been trappers disguised as pupils.
I am,
Dagitari Wanjohi.
Snr. Gyno.
I dont know why is this , but I have interacted with a few Embians persons and I know they qualify for that position more than any other languages I know. They will not shout at their husbands, just like their Merians sisters. I heard with rumors that if a meru persons loves you, she will become like a tick. She cant remove from you and will never err you, even once, unlike the persons from where most of us comes from. They all have become like persons of Nairobi where once you go out without her, she also goes out with her friends and meet in the morning when cock starts crowing. The remaining good ones have been teached by persons of Kabete how to be licked eyes by cats. In short, all persons are same same as of those of Kabete.So, for persons of nowadays, I advise them to enter internet and look for Europeans who have no idea that they are licked in the eyes.
Anyway, we wented to Embu with my group and paid the money that was demanded. Before leaving Nairobi, some were of the idea that we should carry persons from here because we had no intention of removing from Embu at night. In their head, they were thinking Embu is like Ngarua where they comes out with gamboots when its raining or slippers when its dry. They also wear kamisis and bikers and hood, so, even if one looks like sun, you cant touch. I was among those that vehemently opposed carrying of persons. I have been to Embu before and persons that comes out looks like sun and have it on head.
Among those that come with it on head are pupils of Embu Medical Training and I happened to know a persons there. When I telled them that the supply will outweigh the demand, some agreed with me.
Among the things I am well known for among my friends is my many contacts of persons. I know so many persons and most of them knows that whenever I call them, I call them either to meet my rich friends or to come and taste the zig zag. Although they prefer the rich friends, they also enjoy the zig of the leader.
To cut the loong story short, I contacted the pupil persons and telled her that I was in need of good supply of persons, those that had it on head, had no month and were ready to bask near fire. She telled me that she can get as many and that all had it on head. I asked if hers was on head and she telled me there was no way Leader could bring his zig in Embu and it fail to sleep inside a persons. Tree stretched until knee level.
I asked how many of the guys wanted supply. Almost all of them saided let persons come. But when I measured their devils, only 3 looked serious. Some wanted to look for themselves, others as I know them, wait until a persons is drunked by other people to make a good ground for them to strike when their buying ability decreases. So, I telled that pupil to only come with 3 persons.
It is this us, until a place called Kenol. Kenol for those who dont know is the bar that says in Embu. It is a unique bar because if you buy one crate, they beat you a photo and hang it inside there. At first, I was thinking that it was for those who losted with bill, but was telled that it is put there to remind you where your money finishes next time you pop in.
After we settled, I called the persons. In our sitting arrangements, we had satted according to how we have slept horns. Those who were waiting for my persons sat near me. Those that were timing trappers of there sat together.
Small, phone cried. The persons telled me they had finally arrived with a taxi because of rain and they wanted me to go pay. I asked how much is taxi and she saided two hundred. I telled her to do harambee among themselves and come inside, I will refund as it has borned. I then directed her to where we were seated.
Small, a group of persons emerged. She came with 6 persons and only two looked like sun well well. After greeting us, I telled the waiter to prepare us a table next. I then telled Theuri we move to that table. In ear, he whispered to me "Munene, ka wi na ngomaaa? kai weta kirathi kigima? Nie reke ndiethere njangiri guku icio ciaku wifange nacio" (Leader, you have Satan? you have called a whole class? Let me arrange myself with jangiris inside here, arrange yourself with those.
Akuku and Mpesa agreed and we shifted to that table. Small, Theuri came and saided to me in ear
"Guitigira ni kuhara. Ici imundu ni jui uria ciendaga. Reke tucietirie makari. cikinina half ithatu cia GIN kana Smirnoff Vodka igukorwo ikiuga ngemi ni kurio. Ona shukuru inyuaga Bluemoon. (To fear is to go broke. This persons I know how to handle them. We will make them drink Hard liquor. If they take Gin or Vodka, by rd, they will be screaming here because of being drunk. Even in college, they drink Bluemoon"
I looked at him and considered that an invention of the decade. In loud voice, I asked them "Mtakunywa Gin ama Vodka?
They looked at each other and refused to know. The one near me saided "Mimi nitakunywa Simainof led"
Head telled me she meant Smirnoff red, a sister of Black ice. I telled her Smirnoff Vodka is the best because even us, we will drink that because it even brings warmth on a cold day like that.
The others looked at each other. Theuri telled me in ear "Ndugacihe options. Cinyuaga kinya Bluemoon ona tucihaicitie iguru muno kugura Vodo. na Ciauga cinyue macohi mau metagwo anga Redds nituona uru tondu
itingirio" (Dont give them options. They drink Bluemoon, we have even kept them up by ordering Vodka. And if they drink Redds, we are finished, it does not eat anyone"
Head immediately telled me that the governement of coalition finished long ago, no more consultations. I called the waiter and ordered Half Vodo and 3 sodas.
The vodo half came with the soda, plus 6 whiskey glasses. I poured in all glasses, then putted soda in all then welcomed them to partake the drink. But all half had finished completely. So, I started to question the wisdom of Theuri small.
The persons looked at each other and no one was talking. Theuri telled them to drink and not to worry, they will drink until they write on facebook how they were drank last night.
From the group, only two dranked small. One of them looked red in eyes like a drinker of bangi, had a nostril and 10 earings on each ear. The other one was short and momo and round, like football. She looked like you could kick her and she would roll until the other goal post. In head, I was liking the one with many earings. Head was telling me that incase mine says month, that looked the better option because her bangi canot tell the leader that she does not get climbed on first date.
The supplier of persons saided she will not drink beer. I asked why and she siaded that she has not gotten used to.
I got sad and very sad, knowing that that is being told, Dude, month came unexpectedly and I dont want to drink your beer for nothing. Please, arrange yourself.
I begged her to take even a sip. She then telled me "Aki sijazoea hizi. nataka kukunywa Kingfisher moja tu!" Tree stretched again until knee.
I knelt down for happiness. With Kingfisher, head is guaranteed and you spend much less and in beer terms, one means until I fall down or until you stop buying.
Then, she telled me, "aki hawa madame wengine watatu hawajazoea pombe. Si wakunywe ile wanataka mild kiasi?"
With my tree standing for imagining my tree sleeping inside her, I did not refuse. I telled Theuri that it has beaten. He saided that each take care of two two from the group.
After two beer, mahungries of Embu started to stream in, and the first place they were landing was on our table. The persons looked like they were known by every patron. Akuku came to me and in ear, saided "Mundu uyu kai urehire njangiri cituikirire dawa utuhenagie ni tuiretu twa college? ngoma" (You brought us trappers to put us medicine and lying to us they are pupils of college. Satan)
Then, a guy who had accompanied us but was not interested in persons called me out. He telled me in ear
"Munene, kamundu kau winako ti kega ona hanini. Ni kamaraya. Ta riu kanda ingi hau ndaigua ikiuga igekite maita ta 40. Kafa urie njaro baba. ndaigua makiuga ikuhe giaku mbeca nyingi kiaria rio" (Leader, that persons you are with are not good. Like yours, i heard a guy say he has climbed her 20 times, even now, he might snatch her. He just need to bid higher when she drinks small small from you"
By that time, I had been dranked like satan. I telled him off and telled him that I was not looking for a virgin.
But when I returned, my opinion about them had dropped small and I started toi salivate on the "bangi drinker".
As drinking entered well, I telled my persons, the supplier that today, I will climb her and one of her friends who had red eyes. She looked at me with bad eyes but did not talk. Head telled me she is used to be climbed with her friends. So, I said I will have my first ever 3's.
As we were drinking, they would leave small, some to dance, others I dont know.
Small, Theuri came to me. I was almost refusing to know myself and napping small as per my tradition. He came and called me aside. He then telled me
"Hena imundu haha ndona, njega. Niukwenda twifange nacio? Iria ciaku irenda o kunywa mani" (I have seen persons, good. Can we arrange ourselves with them? Yours only want to drink. How do you see?)
I asked him " How much are they charging
He telled me that those persons I brought, although they are pupils, they destroy men of Embu with tiitas every weekend. He telled me that he had taken 3 to the car and putted fingers. He saided that that mine, it is makobosto that lacked. He even wented and bought makobosto but she refused to come out of bar again.
He telled me that for those two, they were no trappers even small, just some pupils of Meru university, they just want somewhere to sleep until morning. Tree hit me in head. I saided I be shown where they were. One was malnourished, another one was not momo and not malnourished, inbetween. I asked him which one is mine. He telled me the momo small. In head, he knew if he gave me the malnourished, I would have declined his offer.
I looked around and saw no one was seeing me leave. I closed eyes not to be seen leaving and walked out, followed by Theuri and his persons. We inserted in car until a popular place with climbers called Highway Motel.
When we reached, I asked the receptionist if anyone can leave room alone, leaving his partner. Here, I was measuring if I can be putted medicine and be left in room. She siaded no, but it is advisable to leave all valuables at the reception
I removed my phones and handed to them. I then removed wallet and realised that it had been punched a huge hole. I counted money and gave to them. Theuri too did the same.
Up, until room. ii, clothes off, iii, legs putted 180 degrees, ii, insert tree, ii, eat somebody, then sleep, only to feel myself in the morning when she woked me up. She had already bathed and putted clothes and looked ready to leave. I tried to jump but she telled me, she cant remove again, she was late.
Dejected, I washed my body and removed downstairs where I met Theuri and many others who had lodged there drinking Shiken soup. All of them had persons except Theuri. Theuri, because the malnoushed did not look so appealing, had removed from room and losted to downstairs where he could not be seen well.
Then, small, the persons I was to ramnya also emerged from room with another guy who was not from Nairobi. i tried to hide my face and when she saw me with vagina of her eyes, she dashed and losted not to be seen well.
To measure my devil, she smsed me a while later and asked me why I left her. I telled her its her who losted and my phone died of fire. She telled me that she stayed there until morning when she went back to school.
After she drinked soup, I gave her fare to go to Meru. But in head, I refused to believe that that was a pupil of Meru Uni. I cant be wrong. They must have been trappers disguised as pupils.
I am,
Dagitari Wanjohi.
Snr. Gyno.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)