The Curse of Mobile Phones

I  am one guy that has a destroyed afternoon, all courtesy of my mobile phone. Not that my shina phone has died. Nope. Its not about death. Something worse than that.

Everyone has his/her worstmoment with mobile phone.  I told you one day how i was busted by right honorable pm of my house through text. From that day, i shake nyees when i see an sms from person, saying  "I miss you, hi swirri, plans za leo ni aje etc". Instead of smsing back, I opts to call back.

Phone has led many astray and in trouble like you can never imagine. It has also broken so many homes. Like if you want to know if your person or your hubby is climbing or getting climbed outside, check on his/her  inbox. If there is none,  or just two messages from safaricons, 100 percent, he/she is confirmed climber/climbed.

Now this one incidence that happened just few minutes ago is worse than all other incidences combined.  Like many of us, i never tell my exact location on phone, unless i know what you want. If you call me "Uko wapi?" I must return, we uko wapi? This way, if you wanted to see me and i did not want, I get a good excuse to say a different distance location. I have however been busted so many times.  There is this pal of mine, if he sees me, he tell the people they are with "wone kamundu gaka no gakuhenia haria kari" (see, this person will lie to me)  He calls and says "wiku" I ask we wiku. He says ndi juja road.  I tell him i am in Mombasa road. He then taps me on the back and say "kai rifa rori yatuikire mombasa road (Since when did rifa rori became Mombasa road. But like a clever person, you say 'ngugaga mombasa liners " (I said Mombasa liners)

There is this uncle of mine (not the one that lives behind uon) that has a habit, when he calls me, he asks "wiku" ( where). If you tell him Town. He asks town wapi. You say "Rifa rori karibu na coast bus". He then says "ooh. no ngeithi" (ooh, just saying hi" Other times, he can call and say "Tahurira Njeri umwire ahurire" (Call Njeri, tell her to call me). I refuse to know, what is easier. To call Njeri direct or call me to tell njeri to call him. I refuse to know.

Today, I have learnt the importance of cutting the phone and verifying its cut, as soon as you finish conversation. Uncle called me and asked the same thing. He then said, "ooh. no ngeithi, no ndihaha garage girogoni. ningukuhurira thaa icio ingi tuarie kaundu ndirenda twarie. Na ndukahorie line ya Airtel. Safaricom i goro muno kuhura" (I wanted to say hi. I am in Grogon, i will call you once i am through, there is something i want us to discuss. Dont switch off Airtel. Safaricon is too expensive to call)

I was so annoyed because i was in a very important meeting. I forgot to hang up and said "reke nguire, uncle ni ari urimu. ndiri ndona mundu wi cii ta uncle". (Let me tell you. Uncle has babish. I have never seen a person with shii like uncle)

Small time, i heard my phone cry again. It was him calling. I  felt very annoyed but still, went ahead to answer. When i finally picked, he said "ii wanjohi, nie ndi urimu muingi muno. Cii nicio ndi nyingi" then hanged up.

On hearing that, i almost fell down of shame and shock. I dont know what to tell him or if i should meet him. I am in deep sheeit meeen. This shina phones will show us news. That reminded me of Theuri's sometimes ago.

We wanted to go eat people with Theuri in Rumuruti. So, he said he will call his pm and cook some lies. He  called and lied but forgot to hang up. He then started talking "mama ni yaingira box. Wanjohi  reke njite maraya ciakwa nie ndi sawa riu"

Small time,  the pm called back crying. Theuri refused to know. She then told him that to go eat as many trappers as he can, she has ran away.

There there, our plans was destroyed.  Another time, there is this person I  was eating. This person knew all my holes, even rifa rodi. One day, i wanted to arrange myself with another person. So, she caaalled but i did not pick. She
decided to come check me at madhuka.

When she entered, she saw me but did not see her.  She decided to try and call me and see why i was not picking.  I removed phone from pocket, then told showed a guy we were seated with and said some unprintable words. He burst in laughter. Then, i heard like there was someone standing infront of me. On looking up, i saw it was my person. I felt like urinating on myself, I shooook nyees, I refused to know, and there were no words to say.She looked at me like 19 minutes and left.

Akuku had his and he would rather call you back than pick his phone when his pm is there. One day, Theuri called Akuku. Akuku, instead of taking phone good, he putted the speakerphone on.  Theuri, like verbal diarhoea, said in loud voice "kuhana atia munene" (how does it look leader". He said cool.  He then verbal diarhoead "Maraya iria yaku mwalimu ningumihaica. irahurira thimu muno....." (That trapper of yours that teaches, i will climb her. she is calling me too... ) before he could finish, Akuku cut the phone. Whatever happened after that is a story for another day.

As we shorted evening, i want to hear your experiences with mobile phones.

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine