How I Climbed a Watchie

When a persons you are with drinks dogogio with no mathematics until morning, even refusing to know herself, then she disappear leaving your stretched until knee, as a man, you have several options.  You can pick trappers, you can use your hand (if you have Vaseline, experience and good memory to keep images of persons you have admired ), or you can say like what hare saided.. it was not ripe. In this case, say she had month. Climbing a washman is not among the options.


This is what happened to me a few weeks ago. I was not intending to beat you this story because no one go beating stories to people of how he climbed some cliques unless the level of kichuodho has reached an all time high where you say bad is bad.


Theuri and I were in Nyeri swinging. And we had persons. Let me not lie. And it was Theuri who was buying. And the persons I was with was brought to me by Theuri's persons.  Let me not lie because liers are of Satan.


On this particular day, I could not even wipe flies off myself. I had parad piu piu. I was being standed for by Theuri, from beer to dogogio of my persons to everything.


On this day, as usual, I was the one doing the talking talking and Theuri was doing the buying. As usual when I have parad, I talk much so that I can be kept quiet by a buyer of dogogio. As you know, if you are bought dogogio for, you must henceforth listen to what the buyer of dogogio is saying, lest dogogio pipe is cutted.


It did not take long before the persons realized that I was not buying even small. Even small!


 Small, she stopped listening to what I was saying, to calls I was making to my drivers to ask if they had parked all the trucks, which had been catched by police and kanju, which escaped way bridge overloaded etc.


When I saw things were getting out of hand, I smsed Theuri and telled him I don't have even what. He passed 3k under the table. I k was meant to be left on the table for the persons in the morning to buy milk and another one to stand for me so that I dont walk like that and another 1K to buy a round to appear like a man to the persons.


I ate Njaro small, meaning I did not ask for a round.

When it came to time to go to room, Theuri went with his persons upstairs. I telled her we go also.  She threw saliva out and losted in the crowd of that bar. I was left alone refusing to know.

I scanned around and approached several. They all wanted dogogio before we talk. I bought several to one until 1k finished and morning almost reached. When I telled her we go sleep, she saided she cant sleep in room. I either take her home or go to satan. I refused to know, tree coiled back and left for room alone, head telling me like that hare stories, maybe she had month that is why she has refused.

As I was talking the stairs, I met a soldier persons, if full regalia. Tall and well stunyad. under normal circumstances, I fear tall persons. Not fearing per se, they kinda intimidate me. I sometimes see as if they can spank me and tell me "grow tall boy, grow tall". In some other cases, I have found very tall persons to have tall thing as well. Maybe it becomes tall as well when one grown tall.  Its not typical though and dont quote me, but I have encountered one or two hence conclusion.

 I greeted her and she accepted.

I started a conversation about Nyeri and its people. She talked with authority just like normal police. Anyway, even soldiers are police, its only that they dont carry guns.

 I then asked her

"Guku ndugikaguo muno muno ni itonga cia guku? (si you get done much here by rich of Nyeri?)

She threw saliva out then folded face and replied "mmmm andu a nyiri makuhete ngiri monaga ta makugurira nyumba" (People of Nyeri if they give you a k they see like they have bought you a house)

There there, tree stretched until knee. I telled her in loud voice "Andu a nyiri matikoraguo kinduuuu. Ni mbeca matari (People of Nyeri don't have anything, it is money they dont have)

I telled her to give me a push until room. When she followed, it was an assurance that she had accepted to remove for the leader even without borrowing or buying even one dogogio.

I gave her room keys and telled her to open. She opened and went and sat straight on the bed. I went to latrine, urinated fear of being denied by a soldier. When I returned, she was lying facing up with all her regalia still on.

I tried to unbuckle the heavy belt but where. She telled me I need to go to Kiganjo for training to be able to. She rose and unbucled until she remained like she was born.

As I was inserting makobosto, I was praying that she turns different from some very very tall persons I had encountered before.

Twaff twaff, where. No thread even small. I putted image of the one who losted at the bar until I poured.

When she returned cloths, I reached for Ik from my trouser and handed her a K, knowing very well that that k had drunk water.

She looked at it badly then asked.. "haha noho ndiraruta fare?"  (Is this where I am supposed to remove fare?)

I turned on the other side of bed and asked her in loud voice "Guku kwanyu nyiri ii,  Ngiri ndifunjagwo? (here at yours Nyeri, you dont break one thousand notes?)

She left room beating mouth.

Tomorrow of that day, Theuri met me at the restaurant taking breakfast of room. I telled her how I climbed that persons her persons had thrown me until she removed smoke, only for that persons to appear at the restaurant with Theuri's persons. I concluded he climbed the two of them.

I am

Dagitari Onjohi
Snr. Gyna & CCTV