Why You Should Never Help a Persons Dress Back Her Thuruari

Have you ever done/not done something to a persons and it made her throw saliva out for years?

Well, there is this persons I saw today as I was swinging bells in town and she reminded of an event that happened more than 15 years ago. Yes, way back in 1998. And 15 years later, she cant even answer a simple hi from me, even with heart.

In that year, I was still a pupil at Universal (now University) college where I was pursing Ms Word. Every time we closed school, either due to strike or vocation, I used to go live with my sister in Dadora since I did not want to go back to the village to till land, prune/harvest and carry coffee to the factory, cut napier grass for cows and milk them and take milk to the dairy etc etc. My Moshe Dayan was however happy of me not going to the village because he used to think I will drink bangi.

One Saturday evening, there is a persons friend to my sister who had come for a sleep over. She was a pupil like me, though at another college doing Secretary and Reception. She looked exactly like sun. Real sun. She was spotless yellow yellow, momo small (those days, everyone used to salivate at momo persons, unlike today, where most people purport to want extremely malnourished persons, although I know its for PR purposes only so that you can look sophisticated. Its like someone who carries 3 sleek large phones. To others, you are sophisticated, to me, its still a Shina phone. Outside public limelight, they go for momos because they say that they get knocked knocked by hip bones of extra malnourished. But they get the best 180s ever).

This persons also used to speak in a cloaking sexy voice. Arafu ndangiurirwo gatende ona hanini (She also could not be rained on on her heels, even small). Complete umbrella. That means, Vera sidika and other thutha endowed socialite would be ashamed of themselves if they compared their thutha with hers.

Tomorrow of that day, Sunday afternoon:

My sister was going to a chama meeting. When she was leaving, she telled her that she will stay for only two hours, so she should not get bored because two hours is small.

After my sister left, satan whispered to me in ear that when a hyena is left with a sheep in the same closet, it eats the sheep and wipes mouth. I saided I will do exactly like a hyena.

She was sitting on the bed and I was sitting on the only stool in that house. We beated stories with no legs for like 30 minutes, then satan whispered to me that if I dont borrow and climb within two hours, it will be eating her with eyes only.

I closed one eye and she smiled. I closed the other one and she smiled more. Those days, and at that age, as you all know, there was no sophisticated miborrowing techniques. You ask direct what you want and only when you mean it. Telling persons what you want there and then. "ndirenda kunogia njagi yaku (I want to make your bean tired) ndirenda kuringa indo (I want to beat your things), or ndirenda guthigithania mbini gi pawa! (I want to rub rub my josto on your tiita with power), or rehe murigo ndi unogore (Bring your things I stretch it) and that would be that. If she said NO, she meant thuruari was on head. If she said YES, she meant book room now now. Those days, persons never used to say that money talks and mbullshit takes the bus. Men never used to know the power of money and the persons never used to know the power of what they carried between their legs. No single persons knew. Rather, no single persons of our age knew. They were only looking for men to marry, not to make them rich.

I moved closer and in ear, I telled her that I wanted to kunogia njagi proper. It is that me, I started to touch touch brookies. Small, she fell on the bed breathing heavily like a paffander. Head telled me she had ukiad full speed and it was time for me to act. I removed her thuruari and threw at the legs of bed, then upped her skirt. I then unbuckled her bra and upped her browse.

Her tiita was as clean as her forehead. No single hair and no single spot of scratch from razor. I concluded that ither she was bald on that area or she had seen the light before her age by shaving clean. Remember we didnt have internet to tell people to shave those days.

Let me ukia. Let me ukia. Her brookies were also standing straight, no falling even small. I touched touched making her say mbus now. Those days, I had not learnt about sucking tiita, I was still green in these things as some of you are today. There are men who are still green in ramnyaring persons, they say, like my friend Akuku that they cant suck. They still live in the 1800s. Those men are beyond help. Akuku stops everything he was doing to hear me say how I sucked. Although he listens with frown face and like vomiting, he asks me to say it I am lying or if its true. He is also beyond help.

When I was about to remove my clothes, I remembered I did not have makobosto and I could not chance climbing without because of her getting stomach. Getting stomach was the only thing we feared. If she got stomach by you, she became your PM, liking or not, even if you were a pupil like me.

I removed out, with tree stetching ten meters ahead of me until out. Among the problem I had, like having a ten meter pole stretching from my trouser, I had another one. I could not buy makobosto from any shop nearby because of reasons even scientists have never been able to unravel. No single scientist can tell you why. So, I walked to a shop that was a kilometer away.

In every shop I inserted, if I met an elderly woman or man that did not have a friendly face manning the shop, I could not buy. As you all know, there are men that were born stupid and are beyond help. Buying from them, you can find one asking you who you are going to climb and why, others will tell you to be born again and stop prostituting, others will write on facebook that "Cohi just bought 3 packets of makobosto from his shop and I know his girlfriend. Who is he going to climb?" Others will ask you in loud voice "unakata Trust ama studded? Packet moja ya condom itakutosha kijana?" so that anyone within a radius of one kilometer will know you boughted makobosto. So, to avoid that, you first look at his face, if it looks friendly, scan around the shop to certain he stocks makobosto. If you see none on display, buy panadol and go to another shop.

Unlucky for me, all the shops in that radius were being manned by elderly women or men that looked either saved or not friendly or stupid.

When I realised that I was not getting a place to buy makobosto, I returned back to the house and a hundred percent sure that I cant climb without makobosto.

By the time I reached the house, two hours were only remaining 5 minutes, meaning my sis was almost returning from Chama.

I touched touched tiita and sucked brookie small, then telled her that I did not get makobosto. But I did not tell her that I cant climb without makobosto even if what.

She started to pant in earnest again. I touched and touched and touched and sucked brookie making her pant more until she almost now fainted. Looking at watch on the wall, 10 minutes had passed two hours, the max time my sis was to return.

I telled the persons that since my sis was about to return, we cant do anything. She did not talk. Her thuruari was at the legs of the bed. I telled her to take her thuruari and return. She did not respond. I started panicking now because 20 minutes had passed the max 2 hours and I couldnt stand my elder sister even suspecting that. I prayed that my sis stays stays small for atleast another 20 minutes so that this one can agree to return thuruari.

I tapped tapped her on her head so that she could hear well about returning thuruari but where. She just lay there with her legs wide open as if she was telling me to insert josto or die trying.

Seeing like its she had gone unconscious, I took upon myself to return her thuruari. I picked her pink thuruari and inserted in one leg and paused small to see if she will lift the other leg or return it herself but where. I pulled the other leg together with alot of force coz it was like it was experiencing stiffness or an objectl had been placed in between her legs. Finally, I managed to insert the other hole of thuruari. I then pulled it up until where the mass of thutha lies. With stamina of a young energetic guy, I pulled all of it, lifted her mass thutha, rolling her side to side , then pulling it up until it fitted until up. I did it expertly like a person who had gone to school to study "returning of thuruari " course. I then pulled the skirt down , buckled her bra and neated her and made her lie facing wall.

After I finished that enormous task that took me well over 20 minutes, my sister knocked and entered. The persons pretended to be asleep and when she "woke up", an hour later, she telled my sister that she will go home because she had a class early in the morning.

From that day, she had never ever talked to me. Every time I tried to say hi, she used to throw saliva out.

But I knew why. If you ever try to return a persons thuruari, thats what you get. Saliva getting thrown out. They cant forgive you. Better cheat on her than return her thuruari, either having climbed or not. You can only help a persons remove thuruari but bot return thuruari. Who does that anyway?

But I pride myself with honour and humility of holding one prestigious accolade that no one holds in the whole of Eastern and Central Africa, Europe and America, Shina, from North pole to South pole and vice versa. I pride myself as the only man who has ever helped a persons RETURNED thuruari.

I am

Dagitari Onjohi Mundu Strong.

Snr. Gyno. Ex FAPORET & GRARETHU (Grand Returner of Thuruaris)