How She Made Me Remove Like A Burier of His Grandma

There is something i like too much about Theuri. He is not a respecter of persons of out. Whenever a person of out brings nyoko nyoko or beats themselves, me i try to soothe them, but for theuri, is different. He tells me "Munene, andu aya mari haha ni undu wa mbeca citu. Gutiri undu maTukuaga, no mbeca mendete. Mwire athie akamie"  (Leader, this persons are here because of your money. They dont carry you anything. Tell them to go to latrine and mia)
Despite being his student many on how to deal with persons of out, I sometimes forget and ends up loosing too badly.  I lost badly some few days ago for not listening to Theuri's counsel. It it was you, tell me what you would have done.

I had gone for some errands in Eldoret when all this happened. Because the task was to take me like two days, the first thing i did was to look for a cheap hotel or something more friendly to my pocket. The first place i landed, after getting advise from a pal was a place called New Castle Motel. When i inquired about the fee, i was told that they were charging 2500 a night for single. I refused to know because Jeremani is in Nairobi and they can never ask for even half of that for a double.

I checked into a hotel opposite the castle which was charging a K (Cant remember the name of that hotel, if you know Eldi, it is opposite the Castle). Since i had gone there to work and not to enjoy, i said bad is bad. Again, sleep has no grade. Whether you sleep at Hilton or kwa Njenga or sleep standing, it is still sleep. The bottom line is to wake up.

After I finished work at around 8ish,  i tried to inquire from the guys in that office about the clubs that says in Eldi. Either they were saved, or comes to that town with their eyes closed or only knows clubs of Rifa rodi of Eldi because the clubs they were directing me to had beaten like nothing. Since i was no interested in their company that night, given that they  looked like scratchers of skins (pun intended), given that  the month was at the corner and i did not want to be with some guys we coudn't do equal equal, I opted to browse the town alone.

Like a traveler i am, i know where to get the latest information on such stuff. I called one taxi man and asked him to tell me the club that says in Eldi. The reason i was looking for a club that says is because i knew that was most likely the club where pupils of Moi University goes to party. I was looking into climbing one of the pupils but not to destroy money, so dont worry my visiting an expensive pub.

The taxi man directed to one Legend club. On a weekday, the club was full small, partly because some teachers of University had refused job because they want a hike. These actions made many pupils free to do anything anytime they wanted because no class.

Like a gentleman, I sat and ordered my drink as i surveyed to see who looked like had thuruari on head. I spotted one that looked like sun that was seated with two more that didn't look anything. To be very honest, if Nairobi we had half as seductive persons, people that sew trousers would have to come up with a way because all men trees will remain standing all day long.

The first  tenet to attract attention of any person of out that looks like that in a bar is to threaten them with beer, and many beers. You call waiter and send beer to the one you are interested in.  It may backfire at times, yes,  and you loose the money and your precious time but this game is all about gambling anyway.

I told the waiter to tell take one Tusker herbal to her and tell her it has come from  Dr. Wanjohi, a senior gynecologist in Nairobi and a relative of you dont have to be told over and over. In Eldi, i had heard that you cant threaten a person with money, they are used to being threatened by the vast wealth of the many athletes but if you want them to put it on head, you must have such title like mine, they are very rare.

When i saw she smiled when beer was placed on her table and told who i was, i told the waiter to ask her to join me for more drinks as we talked more and knewed each other more. It was like she was waiting for that. She rose up with her drinks and joined my table.

I first refused to know if i was dreaming because she was real sun. And she had dressed on those stockings you see tiita clearly. My first reaction when i see tiita that I am not ramnyaring there there is to beat heart even on my ears.  After it became apparent that i was not dreaming, I introduced myself again and told her giant story of how i had come to see some friends of my uncle called Ruto, although he bounced and left me at lights because he was phoned by son of Jommo to meet in Nairobi urgently because there was some money that had been stolen, meaning some quick political mirage.

After the stories of giant finished, I called the waiter and told him to sell to us, and to bring double double for her although ceteris paribus,  I only buy one. I tell myself that if the manufacturers had the intention of the drink coming double double, they would have deviced bigger bottles for that purpose instead of incurring costs of two bottles for one person per round. She said i buy for her friends too. I did not return, only pretended i did not hear.

Before the waiter left, she called him and told him that she cant take any Tusker Herbal again, can only take Wine. On the mention of wine, i felt nyee freeze because i knew by the time you finish feeding her enough wine, it will be tomorrow.  Again, at that quantity, it is illegal to buy so little for so much. I felt like crying or saying mbus because my chance of getting josto inside this sun was being blown away. In her head, i could read what she was saying "ngoma ino ndihana kuruta mbeca, reke nyue wine igue ruo rwa mbeca" (This devil does not look like he can remove good money. Let me drink wine so that he feel pain of money).

To remove the bad feeling, i went to the latrine to call Theuri to tell him how bad luck had befallen me. Theuri laughed small, then told me "Wina bahati muno. Reke anyue ta ithano. Ya gatandatu, agukorwo agikuria murathie rumu thaa cigana. Akumirutira kirafu. Yaga kuma unjite Ng'ang'a" (You are lucky. Let her drink wine. By the time she will be on her 6th, she will be asking where rooms are. She will remove in the club. If that fail, call me Ng'ang'a".

To show her i know alot, i started discussing how Al shabaab had been climbed kwa Nyeni by our mighty army. I told her how, when i was there, how this Linda Nishi was planned long time and we have been itching to climb them for a long time. Stories of giants became too much, even at one time dropping the title Dr. to a security consultant. Although i know sometimes i was confusing myself  big time but all in all, we were all drunk and nobody remembers what you were saying in a bar, unless you are a fool or you were sober when others were talking.

When we refused to know ourselves, i told her we go to my room for muclimbano. Because i had told her that i was circumcised Kikuyu fashion, where a dongle is left hanging to scratch well, i refused to know where i will tell her it has gone.

We took a Taxi to the hotel and when i pointed to her the room we were entering,  even before disembarking from the taxi, she said she cant go there. She said i would rather find a better hotel because the standard of that was too low. I refused to know but later, i was told that that hotel is equivalent to Sabina Joy aka Karumaindo (apparently, Karumaindo is now a members club. So, if you are at ambassador and want to urinate or have one during the day, dont fear to enter, it has now an elevated status. You can call Mutuho and all police and tell them you are drinking beer at 11AM, they cant do anything). In that Sabina joy  of Eldi, all trappers go there and even get climbed in the corridors, just like Sabina joy of Nairobi.

I told her to show me a better one because i had lied to her that the Castle Motel  was fully booked and thats why i booked there one she refused to enter. The taxi man said to the next hotel, we will pay a total of  700 bob. I was made to understand that we were headed to a hotel called Klique hotel.Before asking for price, the place looked more classy than Castle Motel by far, making me believe that they will ask for 4k+ but when the attendant told me for single I pay 2000 bob, i felt re-leaved. Had i paid for Royal when i first entered, i wouldn't have lost the K because i had paid at Sabina joy of Eldoret.

When we reached room, she asked if i had bought makobosto. I told her not yet, so i rushed down to buy and came back, expecting to find the person with no thuruari at all. That thought alone made my tree stand like nothing, almost tearing my trouser. I was teling myself that i have even found some image to be using when i want to pour fast.

But what i found when i entered almost made me refuse to know. She appeared like she was about to vomit. After small time, she vomited and vomited and when she finished, she told me that she had terrible headache and wanted to know which med she should take. Being a doctor, I told her she needed some Panalifed Sceptoriosis for faster healing. I however told her that even panadol extra can as well do. She told me to take her to a chemist downstairs to buy the prescription. Being past mid night, we found the chemist already closed. She told me there was another shop open a few distance away.

We started walking down ad the ka route we took, abit dark made me feel like i was being taken to a place  where they buy nyees when still hot.

 When we reached, not far from the road anyway, she told me to wait small so that she knocks at that shop. She told me that because she is known, the owner cant refuse to open. After small time, somebody opened the gate. She stepped inside, then told me "Wanjohi, have a good night" and closed the door behind her.

I refused to know what kind of game was that. Shaking nyee for fear of the area and shaking nyees even more for being played like that, i returned to my room, thinking of crying loudly.  As i was seated on the bed thinking of where to get a person because nyees were now paining, it is then that i knew what had happened.

The person had intention of getting climbed but when she heard where i had first booked room, either my CV dropped drastically from being a relative of the main man here to a bonoko relative or a very suspicious character (Onyancha maybe) or she touched josto and refused to know if that is the josto that will climb her. With the zig zag nature that it has, many persons are bound to fear, unless they are used to jostos like that. The breed is however rate, you know.

The other version, either  she was looking to punish me for not buying her friends beer. To punish me more, she makes me pay room and makes me buy makobosto, then initiates vomiting (voluntarily by inserting fingers on the throat) so that she vomit ( you can try it too and post the result here) to get an excuse of leaving room. Again, either she was a trapper of medicine and when she saw i am untrappable , she said no need to waste her time. But i salute that person, no person has ever made me escort her in a crime prone area, and wait until her gate  is opened. No one has ever done that to me. I swear!

Had it not for the next story, because some things happened same night, i would have destroyed names of  all persons of out from Eldi and all Moi university pupils. Both Okuyos and Kales.

Continuation of this, where muclimbano happened follows ....

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine