People's PMs.

I promised to beat you a story that was reminded to me today by today's Maina Kageni show in the morning about how your best friends borrow your PM.
I personally cant borrow any PM, leave along a PM of my friends. Infact I just even wented through my Phone book to see if I have any contacts of peoples PM. I dont.

If you want to go to Satan, kwanza the leader of satan, climb a married persons. You will go to satan and when you remove from satan, you will be returned to satan again. I always say this, for every married persons I know, I know 20 persons that are not married and they have it on head. So, why pray to go to satan by force? Again, in my village, they say if you climb a married persons, your PM will also be climbed. For me, I avoiod that coz If I just dream anyone climbing my PM, I can first smash my TV and kill everything in the kitchen, before realising that I was just dreaming.

In short, I dont climb married and I also dont climb persons below the age of 23. The other major major thing about this two categories is that none of them will ask you to put makobosto. They will beg you to throw in on wall, and since I am not of the blackest satan like Mose who only sees makobosto on TV, I prefer to keep off. The last and least is that they are irresistible in this sense. They dont carry demands like ordinary persons. Their only problem is good tree. If any married get to taste this zig, I dont know what will happen. And to avoid that, I decline those tiitas.

This story I am about to beat you happened over 10 years ago. It involved Theuri and our common biz friend called (Deleted).

One time, Theuri was doing some biz with this guy and small, it started to bring money. As you all know, small money comes with warmth. It is in that warmth that they decided the biz should buy cars for each of them. Since the money that was available could not buy two, they decided to buy one, they share. After all, they were living in the same estate and the car was to enable supply of goods outside town easier.

After small time, That biz partner of Theuri decided to bring his PM in the stall biz that they were sharing with Theuri because most of the time, they were going to supply stuff outside town and the attendant persons that were being written in the stall were small thiefs, always stealing and confusing mathematics.

Warmth of money also makes josto stand. And not just standing, it makes it want to enter diferent holes. Since it was first time this guy had seen real money, he started to look for different persons every weekend, including toothless. Although Theuri eats anything, he advised him to get youngs youngs with hot blood because he saided that those small small persons dont know how to destroy money like experienced persons who can eat a whole story building with speed.

In the evening, we would meet at Citrus in Ngara (That time, there was no other club of mugithi that was saying like Citrus) to thank ourselves.

After, the guy would go to room with young blooded of KU and lie to his PM that they are out of Nairobi with Theuri and would be back on Sunday evening. He would then ramnya the persons and tomorrow of that day, to show his PM that for real they were out of town, he would call Theuri and go to his home together.

Now, as you all know, Satan is very very bad. When seated at their stall with PM to his biz partner when work was slow, satan would give him ideas that he shold climb this Pm and small time, Theuri started to borrow PM.

When she refused to put it on head, Theuri drewed a plan. A very very satanic plan. When he dropped his biz partner at room with his trappers, they agreed as usual to meet tomorrow of that day so that they go home and say they were out. Theuri with his satain, instead of driving home or going along Stima Plaza to pick a trappers, he drove until the house of his partner.

When he reached gate, he called the PM to his friend

"Wa Ciru toka haha gate ine" (come here at the gate")

When she came he told her that he wanted to tell her something and it is betteer he tells her inside house. He was ushered in. He then started

"Ati muthee akwira twiku?" (Where did mzee tell you we are?")

She said Kisii. He said ebu call him. She dialled his number and he stayed small before picking. When he picked she asked

"Nimukinyire Githii? (Did you reach Kisii?)

He saided " Teneeee. Ona twina Theuri haha ni umwe turanyua tuone toro" (Long time. I am with Theuri, we are drinking one to get sleep)

Filling chocked in throat by anger, she cutted phone and started to wail. As she was crying, he telled her that when his hubby says they are out of town, it is always a lie, at that time, he is having a ka persons by his side.

PM to hear that, she removed thuruari to Theuri in protest of his hubby's trapping. That day, Theuri slept at his pals, enjoying tiita at his pals house, Free, no paying room and no buying beer.

Following day, Theuri picked his pal and in the evening,they passed Marigiti and boughted many bananas of Kisii. They then drove to his pals house and started to discuss how biz was like in Kisii. The PM was looking at them with vagina of her eyes, knowing very well that her hubby has slept climbing another persons and herself, she has has slept being climbed the whole night by Theuri.

Small time, this became a habit. Every time Theuri dropped his pal to a room with a persons, he would drive to the pals home and celebrate the PM of his pal.

After a few months the PM started to steal from the biz. Theuri realised and telled his pal. They differed and went to the shop to do mathematics. As they differed, Theuri confronted the PM and argument arosed.

The pals telled Theuri to come slow on his pm. Through Theuri's verbal diarhoea, he saided "Mutumia wanaku na niguo atuiyite" (PM of where and the way she has stolen from us?)

The pal also saw it is not good to be stolen and asked the pm to explain where some money has goned.

Due to anger, she saided " Icio ni nyingi kuri iria utwaragira maraya maku? (Is that many than that you take to your trappers?)

This guy is also another one. He replied "Maraya ciakwa cie murio
gugukira. Nicinyongaga muti na cititidaga ikinegena kana kurio ni mutwe every night" (My trappers are sweeter than you. They even suck my mutree and they dont make noises every day or saying they are being eaten by head every night)

On hearing this and in anger, she telled the hubby that if he thinks he can lie to her that he is out of town and that time he is climbing persons in Ngara, she in turn gets climbed by Theuri and others and telled him how he came to know.

What followed there after was like Ndrama. It was like Vindio.

That is why I vowed, I will never touch a married persons. Never.

I remain,

Dagitari Wanjohi.
Snr. Gyno.
Refuser of Under 21 and Married persons.