Why Faulu Loans is Fire to Bask From Far

I was seated somewhere a while ago and like a person that does not have even one brain, I started to listen to a conversation of others. They were talking of how they will go to auction a shop of a person in their group who has failed to pay a loan for two weeks now.

It reminded a few stories I have about Faulu, among them, this I am going to beat you.

If you come to my village and mention Faulu Kenya, every homestead will throw saliva out and wish you all the bad things in life. This is because of the news that Faulu has shown them. 100% of them believe that Faulu, before they give you a loan, take it to a back dark room, like the way Muhindi takes salary of employees, sits on it and curses it so that it does not help the beneficiary.

The story of witched Faulu loan money started with Theuri. I am also a witness that Faulu money is cursed, just like salary of Muhidi or loans of shylock.

For those of you who have ever started a biz, there is that one business that has ever climbed you even kwa nyeni until you refuse to know where is front or back.

I telled you my first ever biz I wanted to start that did not even start was of selling cows of slaughter. You know that story where I was given money by my dad, The Moshe Dayan, to buy a bull for selling to be slaughtered. I went and bought the bull but did not carry it that same day from the seller because I did not have a place to keep and Moshe Dayan could not allow it in our homestead because he feared it will climb our cows and put them stomach. He did not want our cows to be putted stomach inferior breeds.

On Monday, the day of slaughter, I went to pick the bull early in the morning to take it for slaughter and make money. When I entered that homestead, I was met by a parade of sad people, among them the seller. But he was too sad to talk. With alot of sorrow, one villager telled me "Wanjohi niwakinyiruo ni uhoro? (Wanjohi, news have reached you?)

I said no news. Head was thinking somebody died.

He telled me "ndiraigua uragurire nduma guku ira, riu ndume yaku ndirakiheneirio ni jehofa(I heard you bought a bull here yesterday. I hear that bull was summoned by the creator)

I asked what he meant. He telled me it died suddenly without illness.

In anger, I protested to get refund saying the bull died in his hands but he made me undestand that it started being mine the moment I bought it. Even the local chief sided with the seller, thereby going to a total loss.

Now, with a stroke of bull's death, I was out of business just like that. Moshe didnt believe me, he believed I ate the money. Thats the price of loosing a business anyway.

Now, after Theuri finished to read how to draw houses, he did not find work and no one was willing to be drawn a house by a newbie. He ate problems until he returned to the village.

When I went to visit the village, he asked me how I can help him remove from village. I telled him to come to Nairobi to start a business, he needs to have some cash and he can easily get that from his father.

Since his Moshe Dayan was not an easy remover money, just like my Moshe, I advised him to employ the trick I did to get help from my Moshe. I started to be in company of bad boys in the village, those that drink bangi and bad behavior in village. When Moshe saw that I will be destroyed by bad company, he removed me from village and sent me to Nairobi.

Following my advise, Theuri started to follow a bad company of those drinking bangi and climbing persons of owners all over the village. His father, when he saw he will be destroyed, he called him at big house and asked him what business he would like to do in the big city. He saided he can do the business I do. His father telled him to first come and research what fits him.

He climbed a bus until Nairobi to ask me for ideas. I was in the biz of selling ropes of movies and to enter that business, one required to have alot of knowledge in movies, so I knew he would fail in that because he wasnt a village village man. So, I sold him an idea of a guy who was successful in selling tomatoes straight from shambas to Marigiti here in Nairobi.

I telled him we go look for him and ask him how it goes. He telled me that that woudl be a bad idea because no one can tell you the business he does so that you dont bring competition. He telled me that we should go to Marigiti and do our own research. With our reasearch, we established that the profits were more than double.

He went back to his Moshe and telled him he has found a business that will bring super profits. They did mathematics together again until the father bought the idea. But there was a small problem. The father did not have money, though had access to a loan facility at Faulu.

Theuri telled his father not to worry, it is him that will repay loan because the business must repay itself, come rain come sun.

The father run to Faulu and was given 80k. He handed over the money to Theuri.

It is that Theuri, until Nairobi. I took him to Mairigiti again to do more research. The brokers were so friendly, they even gave us the market of where good tomatoes were coming from in Naromoru. He even gave us brokers of farms who will ensure we will get tomatoes at good prices.

Following day in the morning, we went until Naromoru. We met the broker waiting for us. He took us round three firms and we settled for one, though all the prices were same same.

He then asked us if we came with our canter or he should organize. We telled him to organize one.

We then entered farm and the workers started harvesting. They were harvesting those that were red ripe packing them in crates, all valued at Kshs. 70k. At one point, they tried to insert those that are not ripe, those greenish, until Theuri protested vehemently. They looked at each other and smiled so hard until I saw the last tooth and packed only the red ripe.

In Nairobi, having sold 100%, it was supposed to bring around 180k. If you less 25k for transport, it was pure mega profit. In head, I started to refuse to know where to get 80k and start business of tomatoes and become rich so easily. Since I had no idea, and Moshe Dayan could not loan me anymore after the bulls business failed to take off, I started to draw how I will borrow some money from Theuri from the profits, to expand my ropes business so that I could incorporate cds. CDs were only sold by those with bells of steel and were bought by those very very rich people who could afford a cd player. Theuri in turn was drawing how he will climb two persons together to remind himself days of campus during time of boom from HELB.

We started the journey at around 11PM when policemen on road had gone to sleep. As we were coming, I was looking at Theuri and admiring him and refusing to know how one can come from the village and make more money in a day more than what I make in 3 months combined. I saided, anyway, of God does not leave you. What he draws for you must reach you, even me, one day, I will buy tomatoes in a full muguu kumi lorry.

Along the way, the lorry was eaten 6 times by policemen on road. The driver had telled us that the police money was ours because we had not paid the deposit as required by law of canters. We had negotiated with him to give him all his money once we reached Nairobi.

Let me tell you something. When richness is about to catch up with you, Satan puts uncountable huddles so that you can give up. When we reached past Karatina, one leg got punctured. To change, it took over an hour. The driver had calculated it will reach Nairobi by 4AM because thats when people start buying and here now, we will now reach at 5, a not so good scenario for that business.

We changed the leg and continued with the journey. When we reached near Juja, the lorry destroyed engine. It took hours to repair it, they completed repairing it at around 11 AM.

We started the journey again. As we were passing, sunlike persons, near Riverside roundabout, Theuri was teling himself that he will be calling those sunlike to come to him and if they dont come running, he will hit them with a note of a thousand and tell them to get away from him and call another. When he looked at people sleeping under a Mugumo tree where Thaa thathaiya ngai sect used to pray on Sunday, he refused to know why they didnt have a Moshe Dayan that was rich or could access loan at Faulu to give them and start a business instead of sleeping under a tree in Nairobi.

Small, we were at Marigiti. To insert a canter there, there are some money that is paid. Theuri paid and remained with nothing, even money of soda.

Peeping inside canter, some tomatoes had started to ooze because of ripping too much and sun. But to Theuri, that was not a problem. After all, people buy even those that ooze. Oozing doesnt make it less a tomato, so he telled himself.

After parking, I went in earnest to go look for the broker. When I found him, I telled him to down the price per crate with 50 bob which should be commission for finding business.

When we reached, he looked at the tomatoes and looked at us. Then asked, "Mwagura nyanya ihana uu niki? ka mugurukaga!!? ici no muendeirie andu chips mathondete tomato sauce. Kana muenderie mathai cia matumbi. Itingigurwo kinya ni kihii ici. Ona kuria no murie mtigage urimu" (Why did you buy tomatoes like these? Do you get mad? These ones, unless you sell to people of chips they make tomato sauce. Or you sell to maasais of eggs they make kachumbari. You cant sell even to a kipii. You can as well eat, so that you stop foolishness)

We looked at each other and knew we had hit a wall. Earlier, we had heard stories of how the brokers cheat that your products are unsellable so that they can buy them like blunt panga. Theuri telled me not to worry.

Another broker came and telled us to pour all tomatoes at a place he was charging at 500 bob inside inside so that people can come and buy. With speed of light, we looked for people to come do the work of removing from lorry to the field.

When we finished, all people were looking at the oozing tomatoes and refusing to know. They were looking from far as it it was alshabaab time bomb.

Small time, kanju came and asked whose tomatoes they were. We saided ours. They telled us that that was dumping. They wanted to arrest us. We bribed them with 4000 shillings. Theuri didnt have a coin, so I removed mine.

After one hour and not a single one had been sold, the driver started to demand his money. Argument ensured until I saw a problem was coming. Head telled me that the best thing for me was to lost. So, I stole myself until my shop of selling movies.

Theuri himself could not handle the pressure from the driver anymore. When drive looked otherwise, he stole himself and went to hide about 50 meters watching over his tomatoes.

Small, he saw the driver of cater leave. He then saw the canter leave and knew atleast one pressure was off him. He went back to his things. No one neared them. Only one women of soko came took one tomato and ate it, without asking whose it is or paying for that tomato.

When the owner of land where they had been poured saw even his 500 bob wont be seen because no one was buying, he started to demand his money. Theuri telled him he go collect in town. He refused refused small telling him to pay there there. He begged and was allowed to go. He did not return. He abandoned it and came to my shop.

When he came to the shop, he started to cry. His greatest worry though was what he would tell his Moshe Dayan about of the loss. In his head, he knew that no one would believe him and that was the truth.

But I telled him that his loss was not alone. I had gone loss too and the owner of canter had removed his lorry from Naromoru until Nairobi and back without getting a single cent, yet it had even destroyed and had no petrol to return.

We burst out laughing and I telled him, it is God that had planned that loss and it was in preparation of better things to come, just like Job of the bible, everything was taken from him but at the end of the day, God repaid him. He looked at me as if to tell me that God has not done good mathematics there because Faulu money is not of to be joked. He looked at me as if to tell me that his faith is very little to be tested like Job.

We agreed with Theuri that he should give his Moshe blackout until he makes money to pay the loan. In the village, story reached differently.

It was rumored that Theuri did not start any business at all. They saided that he ate money with trappers and that I was an accomplice. To be true to God, no one touched a trapper with that money. Only the "profit" money and it was in thought, not in real life. If the money was eaten by trapper, it is the trappers eaten by sellers and broker of tomatoes who duped us into buy ripened tomatoes. Tomatoes are bought when green, they come as they ripe once plucked.

But it wasnt easy to clear his name. It is his sister that cleared the loan after Faulu raided his home and confiscated three cows.

From then, and after observing a trend, both for us and other people, he concluded that Faulu is like Muhindi. Their money cant help anyone. They only attract more trouble in your life.

That is the story he went with in the village to be accepted back. And when he cited many faulu cases in that same village, his Moshe agreed with him entirely and siaded, he will be seeing them and throwing saliva out. The only place that does not bewitch its money, according to Theuri's moshe and everyone in my village, is Muiganania.

That is why, even today, if Theuri passes near marigiti, he looks otherwise. He points marigiti with elbow. And when he hears anything regarding selling tomatoes, whether new or old, or selling anything at Marigiti, you will refuse to know what has hit him because of the way he will remove.

But even if Faulu bewitches its money before dispatching, I learnt a few things.

1. It is not advisable to borrow a loan for (a) start up and (b) a business you have no idea of. If you make total loss, to be called by the father is easy.
2. Also, when doing biz you have no have no idea of, you leave the sellers laughing under the table for inserting you box.
3. When a business falls, everyone will say its trappers that made it collapse. They will say you ate the money with trappers. "katari maraya ni atige maheni".
4. When a business flourishes, they will not see the trappers even if you carry ten in car. They will congratulate you and say you are a genius.
5. If you take Faulu or any other loan money, make sure you use it according to the purpose you took it for. Dont divert even a single cent.
6. If everything else has failed, like you have reached end and Faulu want to come for your things, remove them and hide them. If your household stuff are the security, shift before they strike. If for eg, you live in Zimma, shift to Ngong or Rongai. They will be seeing you but cant fetch you, can only fetch your things.

I am

Dagitari Wanjohi
Snr. Gyno & FAPORET