The Most Expensive Hole I Ever Had.

Some things i write here, not because i want you to think i am hero of climbing, but i want you see how fool i was to have climbed some people for so much. I feel stupid to have done some of them and this story is one of them. I have never been a hero of climbing. Infact one day, my grandpa tolded me that "wanjohi, akorwo wi muhaicani muno, thie uthice makara maria" (If you think you are a climber, go climb that burning charcoal)  and i stopped climbanaring ofyo ofyo.

We have at one time spent money on a cat on one single day and tomorow, you want to kill somebody because you spent too much. I have, on several occasions, just like you, spent  thousands on one pussycat but  end up regretting. But the mother of all was on one lady i met far away from this country. I have never felt so bad but i blame it on my  education. If i had wented to university or college, i wouldn't have made such a mistake.

I have had the privilege of being carried by an aircraft once or twice. One such time i was going to place called Guanzhou in the Peoples republic of China. I was with Theuri and we had gone to source some stuff to sell locally. I had something closer to a million bob and Theuri had three times that. As we walked through some wholesale market, as usual Theuri talk talk in loud voice and in his mother tongue. "eeh riu wanjohi niukioi, twagura indo ici, tuguthondeka mbeca ta aici (E you know Wanjohi, if we buy those stuff, we will make money like thieves) Then one lady come to us and greeted us in Okuyo. There is nothing so exciting as meeting a country man in such a place, and more so, when it is a person of out. A person of out more because, the chances of climbing her is higher than in Nairobi. Whether she is married or not, or looks like sun, or her hole has stairs, it matters less. Even if it is wife of big people, once you are in an alien land, far away from home, you become one level.

When there is such a possibility, you want to take advantage at all cost. This is because black people of trapping are very expensive.  If it is a person of trap and is black, the least they take is $100  or 800RMB. A Chinese takes a mere 50RM or 10$. Problem with Chinese is they are very cold. Even when inside, you dont feel like you are inside, its like you are inside a cold place, like a cooler maybe. Again, they are used to small jostos of Chinese, so when they see it is African man wanting to climb, especially Nigerian, they say "fuckin fuckin? Africa bigi, no. unless slow slow"  Arabs takes like $50 and Philippines takes $40. Philippines are not very bad, alteast they are warm, but.. smooth and sliding.  So, big business here if you are a person of trap, like Nairobinights.co.cc and you want to make a fortune, or you are there and you wont mind making some big bucks getting climbed in China, get in touch with me, i show you where the money is. Forget nairobi, all the dudes are broke or stingy and compe is also high.

After introducing ourselves as prominent Nairobi business people,  the lady telled us that she is teacher of English in some far away Northern province. She told us she was due to travel in evening by train. She say it takes 48 hours to travel by speed train. Theuri telled the lady that she postpone, but she say she cant because she will be working on Monday and it was Friday. Theuri asked her how much it is by plane and she say, an equivalent of 26k in Kenya shillings. Theuri called me aside and telled me if i want to climb her because she has good face and buttocks and i said yes. He asked me if i will pay for her air ticket and i said of course, we are prominent Nairobi business man. I did one plus one and saw out of the close to a milli i had, 26k was peanut. After all, i was getting 100% profit from the stuff we were importing. So i telled myself thats pocket change and agreed with myself fully.

He went back to the lady and telled her i am a big man and i will pay for her Airticket. We went to some train station, she canceled her ticket and was refunded some money. We then went to an agent and booked for her ticket and i paid  in CASH. We then went shopping and i buy her clothes, not from wholesale shops now, but from Chinese designer shops, equivalent to Mr price.

When night come, we went to our hotel and she put her bag in our room. We were sharing room with Theuri, so he had to rent another room for that night. After that, we went to some bar owned by some Nigerian brothers and spend our hard earned cash with the woman and Theuri. But the good thing is that the cost of beer there is equivalent to what beer used to cost here in 1997. But when we drink beer, Theuri decorates my CV like nothing. He tell the lady that we travel business class and he doent know why i did not book for her business class. He then tel her in ear "ni wona njama ino. ikuaga ngiri igana rimwe tugathie kirabu tukanyua hakuhi ciothe. (You see this gentleman, he carry 100k in bar and we drink almost all). The woman looks at me and admire. She tell herself she is sitting with an equivalent of Hon. Kabogo. Theuri tell her to rub her job in China and come to Kenya, i can afford to set a  business for her, even if it is for one million. The lady enter box and she give me business ideas, even some stuff we can buy and sell in Kenya and make 10 times more. Some of those items included Dildos,vibrating Makobostos, copied Postino 2 and Panadols.

After getting drunked enough, it was time to go to room. Those beer you take 3 Tigers and you feel like you have take a whole crate of Summit lager. Even Heinekenn there is cheaper than water.  The lady telled me that we pass to Chemist she wanted to buy medicine. Inside the Chemist, i saw her buy the drugs that refuse stomach to enter. Inside my head, i told myself that she has lied to herself to think i will eat her without Makobosto. However, I did not buy Makobosto because in room, they keep a packet there for the clients that bring people of trap. They  bill you only if you use them. She then removed some papers and showed me some medical report. In that report, it say "No Mneck found" She tell me that in China, they must measure you for mneck if you are to work there. If you have mneck, they deport you there there. i listened to her pitch but inside my head, i telled myself that that is stories of giants, i must eat her with Makobosto. Maybe she has stomach she want to enter me.

When we went to room, as usual, i jumped on her  and sucked her extra large Brookside and tiita. As i sucked tiita, i remembered she tell me she has been measured, so i should not fear. Althpugh i did not enjoy sucking her tiita because it had too much salt, I worked and worked on it until she cry in tears and shout.. "uuuu aahhhh wwaaaaa uuuuuu"  until she pour. After pouring, she jumped on my josto and suck and in a record time, i poured in twedy two seconds, faster that what Chicharito jotted on Sunday against Chelsie.

 In my life, i have never seen such woman that has so much expertise and other bad manners we cannot condone in my village. Thinking she will run away from the powerful jotis coming from my josto, she did not. She drink as if its yogurt. Then, she did something i will never share with anyone.  She came and kissed me when her mouth that was full of jotis. I wanted to refuse and run for hills but she come by force and kiss me when her lips and mouth is full of those things. I programed my mind to take it that it is not what is it, so we kissed and kissed. She returned to josto and it stand again and she come up. We do all stylos and when i pour she did not allow me to rest, until i wanted to run away from that room.

As i continued to ramnya, she said i go doggy. But that is not news. She turn to me and ask if i like anal. With speed of light i said NO NO NO AND NEVER. I can do some things but anal? never. She like saw the worry displayed in my face and turned away from that subject. But its like she did not get happy because i refuse anal. But in as much as unhappy she was, she did not allow me to rest. And because my josto is not used to going for more than one round, it reached a time it protested and refused to wake up completely. But i did compensate by sucking tiita and other body parts.

In the morning glory, i remembered a blog i read called nimotosana about climbing a person of out in a way that she never forget you till she die. It said that if you want to do a woman and she never forget, close all holes she has. I tried that practically and it worked. When the josto is in the hole, bring your right hand and close the hole of anal with one finger. Then, with your tongue, close one ear and with one finger of other hand, close the other ear. Only leave the mouth to say mbu. She said mbu and she come three times in 10 minutes. Even today when she write me email, she say no man has ever made her feel the way she felt. I always get attempted to tell her that no other woman has ever spent my hard earned cash in one night like her.

Tomorrow morning, she tell me her time of  climbing plane has come. She said i give her taxi money.  Maybe thinking i will give her like 30k, i gave her 5k to take taxi to Airport and from Airport. After handing her the 5k, i did not even say bye to her. The money had pained so much. In total, i had spend on her over 35k, just to dip my tree. I regretted, i would have been better off if i had taken a black trapping person and they are plenty, especially from Ethiopia and Tanzania.

It was such a stupid thing i did. After telling Theuri in the evening how i eat the person, his tree stand and he take Chinese one.  They are cheap, although cold. But when he come back, he say to me "mangai ndinahuna. Ndathie guetha ka muarafu" (I did not full. I am going to look for Arab). Theuri went to University and its not easy for him to waste money like that on people of out. But I encourage him to take African so that he can as well feel pain like the one i feel for spending so much on just but a hole. He took one and ended up eating her everyday, but on discounted rate of 50 US.

I remain,

Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine