I have acted the dumbest man in the past on several occasions. The most memorable is of two women i refused to climb, although not deliberate. I think they think i am either a saint and the most disciplined man on earth or the dumbest man to have ever lived.
Before i married, i had several girlfriends, some i wanted to marry and others were just for climbing. However, i got chased too on several occasion and one of them was a yellow yellow who happened to be from Nairobi. In my village, we say it is illegal to marry a lady from Nairobi. We say if you marry a lady of Nairobi, you have invited all problems and their relatives to yourself. This lady was borned and broughted up in Nairobi. She had convinced herself that i will marry her, despite the fact that she had heard that i had taken goats and cows to another home.
I had not borrowed her even once but when i heard from the grapevine what she was telling her friends, i decided to borrow her and teach her a lesson. I took her out one Friday and although i had hear before that she drink beer, that day she say she dont drink. She talk ill of girls that drink beer and because she had heard that i wanted to climb a girl they were working with called shiku, she telled me tha shiku is a cierunde. She tell me that she had been eaten by almost all men that work in that building. All she need is 6 bottles of blackice. When it was midnight, i told myself that it was time to slaughter somebody. I took her to a guesthouse called Sheraton in Zimma.
I had boughted makobosto because i was assured that i will eat somebody. Those days, i was not sucking tiita but my finger was doing the walking. When i put my one finger in her hole, she pretends she is semi virgin and that she is feeling pain. There is no way a girl of Nairobi and party girl, to add salt to injury can be virgin at 23 yrs. I smiled on inside because i knew she was taking me a fool.
After romancing and stuff, i pulled the makobosto which i had hidden under the pillow, ready to eat somebody. When she see i pull makobosto, she ask it is for what and i tell her i want to eat somebody. She turned to me and say "Wanjohi, mimi huwezi nidinya na cd" It was my first time to hear the word 'dinya' but i knew she meat eating her. I asked her why and she say it is just like that.
For once, i used my head to think and not my josto. I explained to her that i can never eat her without makobosto because we have not been measured and she can get stomach. But the lady stuck to her guns and say if i cant eat her without, then we sleep. Whenever you hear a woman insist that you eat her without makobosto, know that she knows something you dont know. We slept until tomorrow. All through night, i did not attempt to eat her although we sleep cuddling each other. I also sucked her breasts many times to see if she can tell me to put makobosto and eat somebody.
Tomorrow of that week, i asked her out again. I drawn with myself that i will pretend to go to help myself in the latrine and put makobosto while inside the latrine and when i come back, i will have makobosto already rolled down on my josto and i eat somebody pretending i am eating her meat to meat.
This time, we wented to BlueHut in Ngara. She must have read my mind because she refuse to remove biker (those days, all girls weared bikers). I begged and begged because my tree was determined to eat that yellow yellow but she say we wait until we get married. I tried to suck her breasts so that she get on heat but she proved resistant to that. I did not take her out again because i did not want to suffer like that again. Later, i hear she wanted me to eat her without makobosto so that she can get stomach and insert me in box.
The other dumpest incidence i ever did was with a former college mate and ex, for that matter. Even today when i remember, i feel like punching myself on face very hard. That one i had thoughted that she was perfect for me. While i was doing Ms Word, she did Economics. We used to go to arboretum and kiss there and pray together and later, pass at Walkers in for chips and chicken. I did not want to take her to Luthuli chips although their chips were many and cheaper. After college, she was written by a certain Muhindi company and posted in Nakuru. Although we had been friends for long time, I had not climbed her. We had agreed climbing will be after marriage and again, she was saved. She also telled me that since she was borned, no man has seen her hole. She was so saved that she even never used to put on tight trouser, only skirts or dresses because the bible say women should not put men's cloths.
After college, i got my own house and she used to come over on weekends. When she come to my house, we kiss and stuff but when it was time to sleep, because my house was only one room, i used to borrow where to sleep in my cuzo's house. In all the days we lived as boyfriend and girlfriend, i never touched her boobs. The worst thing we ever did was to kiss. I wanted to act as gentleman as possible. She wanted to be climbed but she did not tell me, so she got bored from coming to my house. Later, i heard she got a man that was working in bank in Nakuru. She was beaten tree until she opened up. She went back from being saved and started to drink beer. One day i go visit her in Nakuru and hoping that i will sleep in her house and perhaps eat somebody because my back was arching because of long time without eating somebody. Instead of taking me to her house, she rented me a lojo. I waited until she go and went out to look for people of trap.
Long after i get married, i meet her in town with tight trouser. I see camel toe and instantly, my tree stand. She now tell me she now live in Nairobi. I got wierd ideas and invited her to drink beer with me and she agreed. When i go to drop her to her residence, i wanted a way to get to her house. I deliberately jammed my car alarm. The car refused to start. I tried and tried to start it but it only make noise. She tell me to go sleep over in her house and i agree happily.
She cook for me nice food and we talk many things but most of them business. I wanted to borrow her but i did not have strength or ideas. We had been used to each other so much and she kinda respected me so much. She waited for me to borrow her but i was not. I was also like expecting to be given by force. When she saw i was not borrowing, she bring Chess we play. We played chess until late at night. In her house, it was one bedroom house. When it was time to sleep, she telled me to sleep in her bedroom while she sleep on sofa. I tolded her i will sleep on couch. I really wanted to eat her but i did not know where to start. When she bring me things to bury myself with in the coach, she telled me that incase i hear cold, i can join her in bed.
I kept counting one to ten so that i can start and go join her in her bedroom but i was unable. Every time i reach nine, i start again. The other person in me was telling me "kangirega kuhe ndingihota guka face ringi" (if she refuse to give you, you will be embarrassed to death) Very early in the morning, she wake up and tell me to go look for fundi to make my car. I knew she was mad because she wanted me to climb her but i did not. But i was no angel to know whether she wanted to be climbed or not. I have never been so dump in my life. But one of this days, i will make sure i at least suck her tiita just to prove that i am aint dump.
In the meantime.. RIP Wanjiru. But .. a brotherly advise to the rest of us... you dont bring people of trap in your matrimonial home. Its wrong and very wrong in our gikuyu tradition.
I remain,
Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Premature Pouring: Why They Think I am a Kuku To Pour Fastest
There are two girls in this beloved country that thinks i am either the most prematurest ejaculator alive or that my bladder is just but too loose.
After finishing reading for my degree in Ms Word and Dos, i took time before i was written in any job. But later on, i had a short stint in in a certain company as a trainee manager. In one of the department, there was this lady from Ukambani region. She was cute though short. A complete yellow in color and legs are so straight and thutha is good. She looked like Avril exactly, even size if you want to have clear image of her, although one centimeter shorter. She is one of those chicks that looks like sun but when she talks, you first search around to see who is talking behind her because of a very very very strong mother tongue accent.
On the first weekend when i was paid my first salary of 18k tax free because i was on contract, i decided to eat her and shut her up. She had kind of falled in love with me. I dont know what i used to tell her or she used to see in me but she really really loved me. I did not love her even one 1% but i used to lie to her that i was also loving her back. That day, i telled her that i want to do her massage somewhere in town. She did not refuse much because in the evening, i remember is seeing ourselves taking stairs to a guest house called Grand holiday Inn in down town Nairobi. I had done a research about the pricing and this was one of the cheapest then, at 1,200.
I still dont have clear image of what transpired after we entered the room but i remember ourselfs removing all her clothes. I had never seen such a spotless body before. I went into action, although those days, i was not sucking tiita but my finger was compensating. I worked her up until she tell me to enter. I reached for makobosto and rolled them down my josto. Then slowly, i pointed the josto towards her hole. As fate would have it, my josto did not even reach half way inside. Because of the too much hotness i get when going in, I poured. It was not just pouring, i kinda fainted on top of her because i also pour too much.
I felt so bad that i did not wait for josto to wake up for round two. I asked her we go home. Later after two months, she come to my house. We cuddled in the table room and when i take her to bedroom, when i enter, same thing happened. I poured again with no provocation and josto refused to wake up again. She did not look like she minded that but i refuse her to come to my house again. Every time, i give her excuse not to come. All this while, i was still eating people and i was not pouring that first. After a while, we lost each other because the company where i was working moved. Dont ask me where they moved to because they did not tell me where they moved to.
One year or so later, i met a pupil of a certain college which is now university. Her face was like Tomato, very soft and she speak good english with no mother tongue. We became friends and used to talk once in a while. One day, she call me and tell me she want me to take her to Kahuhia girls in Murang'a to visit her sister. My car could not reach there because of its age, so i called a friend of mine (not Theuri), and he give me his Toyota Celica Sports with loud music and Exhaust pipe make many noise.
I drove her all the way to Kahuhia girls and i did some small shopping for her sister. One our way back, i tolded myself i must eat that person. We entered Thika to a place to have a bite. While having a bite, i borrowed trickily but she say she cant. It is not easy to deal with this college pupils. They behave like they dont want to be beaten tree but inside, they are yearning for the full tree inside and pumping hard. I convinced her we take a room upstairs and have a small rest before proceeding back home. When she agreed, i knew i hate eaten somebody.
We entered room and romanced. I had bought Makobosto by secret and put them behind pillow. I did not want an instance where i must eat person and there is no makobosto. We romanced and and romanced until she moans and remove all clothes, except thong (it was first time to see somebody with thong. I was looking at thongs hanged in shops and wonder how a girl put them on) and bra without my help. I convinced her that i wont do her, i will only let my josto smell or touch outside. She agreed and removed all, but on condition, i dont enter because her dates were not good.
But who is me, i rubbed it and rubbed it on outside until she gets on heat. After getting on heat, she tolded me to enter small. I told her i put makobosto so that i can rub well but she tell me if i put makobosto, i will insert all. I tell her i wont but she tell me not to dare because she knows if i put, i will enter all. Lefted with no option but to insert small with no makobosto, i went ahead and inserted small. Even before the head was inside, i felt my head start going round and round and my testicles contract, then pwaff.. i poured and collapsed on top of her.
She lifted my head with her hands and asked me "Wanjohi, ni kii? umemwaga?" (Wanjohi, its how, you have poured?). With many shame on my face, i just nodded. She then asked " ivo ndivo unamwaganga haraka? na umemwaga ndani?" (Is that how you pour very fast. And did you pour inside? ). I tried to tetea myself but denied that i poured inside. We dressed up and went home without talking to each other until half journey.
Two weeks later, i called her and told her we go to Kameme night at Carnivore. She was dying to see Mike Rua life life because all the way to Muranga, i played his naughty songs. I also tell her that there, she must see Tony Njuguna and John Kiarie of Redykulas who like drinking where Mike Rua is. She agreed. I knew this time, i will prove to her that i dont pour that first.
After Carnivore, we went to look for rooms in Ngara and many were full. We found one very late after beating round all ngara. When in room, she tell me she is seeing but she must give me. She jumped into the shower and showered all traces of month.
For the first time in my life, i ate somebody with month. Although with Makobosto this time it was many water. I did not pour very fast but after eating the person, i was also full of month. All over my testicles and hips looked month and the bedsheets the same. She apologized for coming when raining but i tell her to rain everyday, she sounded sweeter and i dont mind rains.
I did not have another opportunity to eat her when not raining because my girlfriend confronted her through phone. She feared meeting me again, although two years later, i meet her looking more shine but with husband. But that thing disturb me for long because one girl i was eating for many times, i pour fast. Her hole felt like it had sands inside. Until one day she tell me "nikii wiitaga na nguku (Why do you pour like chicken). That is why, if i see a girl look like she is tight, or has sand inside, i take Vodka or Gin or a Minimum of 8 Summits. This way, i will try to pour but cant. Until i bring another figure on my face to think that i have started eating somebody else. And thats wanjohi for you.
I remain,
Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine.
After finishing reading for my degree in Ms Word and Dos, i took time before i was written in any job. But later on, i had a short stint in in a certain company as a trainee manager. In one of the department, there was this lady from Ukambani region. She was cute though short. A complete yellow in color and legs are so straight and thutha is good. She looked like Avril exactly, even size if you want to have clear image of her, although one centimeter shorter. She is one of those chicks that looks like sun but when she talks, you first search around to see who is talking behind her because of a very very very strong mother tongue accent.
On the first weekend when i was paid my first salary of 18k tax free because i was on contract, i decided to eat her and shut her up. She had kind of falled in love with me. I dont know what i used to tell her or she used to see in me but she really really loved me. I did not love her even one 1% but i used to lie to her that i was also loving her back. That day, i telled her that i want to do her massage somewhere in town. She did not refuse much because in the evening, i remember is seeing ourselves taking stairs to a guest house called Grand holiday Inn in down town Nairobi. I had done a research about the pricing and this was one of the cheapest then, at 1,200.
I still dont have clear image of what transpired after we entered the room but i remember ourselfs removing all her clothes. I had never seen such a spotless body before. I went into action, although those days, i was not sucking tiita but my finger was compensating. I worked her up until she tell me to enter. I reached for makobosto and rolled them down my josto. Then slowly, i pointed the josto towards her hole. As fate would have it, my josto did not even reach half way inside. Because of the too much hotness i get when going in, I poured. It was not just pouring, i kinda fainted on top of her because i also pour too much.
I felt so bad that i did not wait for josto to wake up for round two. I asked her we go home. Later after two months, she come to my house. We cuddled in the table room and when i take her to bedroom, when i enter, same thing happened. I poured again with no provocation and josto refused to wake up again. She did not look like she minded that but i refuse her to come to my house again. Every time, i give her excuse not to come. All this while, i was still eating people and i was not pouring that first. After a while, we lost each other because the company where i was working moved. Dont ask me where they moved to because they did not tell me where they moved to.
One year or so later, i met a pupil of a certain college which is now university. Her face was like Tomato, very soft and she speak good english with no mother tongue. We became friends and used to talk once in a while. One day, she call me and tell me she want me to take her to Kahuhia girls in Murang'a to visit her sister. My car could not reach there because of its age, so i called a friend of mine (not Theuri), and he give me his Toyota Celica Sports with loud music and Exhaust pipe make many noise.
I drove her all the way to Kahuhia girls and i did some small shopping for her sister. One our way back, i tolded myself i must eat that person. We entered Thika to a place to have a bite. While having a bite, i borrowed trickily but she say she cant. It is not easy to deal with this college pupils. They behave like they dont want to be beaten tree but inside, they are yearning for the full tree inside and pumping hard. I convinced her we take a room upstairs and have a small rest before proceeding back home. When she agreed, i knew i hate eaten somebody.
We entered room and romanced. I had bought Makobosto by secret and put them behind pillow. I did not want an instance where i must eat person and there is no makobosto. We romanced and and romanced until she moans and remove all clothes, except thong (it was first time to see somebody with thong. I was looking at thongs hanged in shops and wonder how a girl put them on) and bra without my help. I convinced her that i wont do her, i will only let my josto smell or touch outside. She agreed and removed all, but on condition, i dont enter because her dates were not good.
But who is me, i rubbed it and rubbed it on outside until she gets on heat. After getting on heat, she tolded me to enter small. I told her i put makobosto so that i can rub well but she tell me if i put makobosto, i will insert all. I tell her i wont but she tell me not to dare because she knows if i put, i will enter all. Lefted with no option but to insert small with no makobosto, i went ahead and inserted small. Even before the head was inside, i felt my head start going round and round and my testicles contract, then pwaff.. i poured and collapsed on top of her.
She lifted my head with her hands and asked me "Wanjohi, ni kii? umemwaga?" (Wanjohi, its how, you have poured?). With many shame on my face, i just nodded. She then asked " ivo ndivo unamwaganga haraka? na umemwaga ndani?" (Is that how you pour very fast. And did you pour inside? ). I tried to tetea myself but denied that i poured inside. We dressed up and went home without talking to each other until half journey.
Two weeks later, i called her and told her we go to Kameme night at Carnivore. She was dying to see Mike Rua life life because all the way to Muranga, i played his naughty songs. I also tell her that there, she must see Tony Njuguna and John Kiarie of Redykulas who like drinking where Mike Rua is. She agreed. I knew this time, i will prove to her that i dont pour that first.
After Carnivore, we went to look for rooms in Ngara and many were full. We found one very late after beating round all ngara. When in room, she tell me she is seeing but she must give me. She jumped into the shower and showered all traces of month.
For the first time in my life, i ate somebody with month. Although with Makobosto this time it was many water. I did not pour very fast but after eating the person, i was also full of month. All over my testicles and hips looked month and the bedsheets the same. She apologized for coming when raining but i tell her to rain everyday, she sounded sweeter and i dont mind rains.
I did not have another opportunity to eat her when not raining because my girlfriend confronted her through phone. She feared meeting me again, although two years later, i meet her looking more shine but with husband. But that thing disturb me for long because one girl i was eating for many times, i pour fast. Her hole felt like it had sands inside. Until one day she tell me "nikii wiitaga na nguku (Why do you pour like chicken). That is why, if i see a girl look like she is tight, or has sand inside, i take Vodka or Gin or a Minimum of 8 Summits. This way, i will try to pour but cant. Until i bring another figure on my face to think that i have started eating somebody else. And thats wanjohi for you.
I remain,
Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
How We Got Climbed By Bar Business.
Warning: This has no muclimbano scenes. Only real business.
I told you long time that i started a bar biz. It failed miserably, and if you are plannig to start the same, I hate to be a carried of bad news but that how it is. Chances are, it wont see its 3rd year. That also applies to all small businesses. But i didnt say that, its the statistics. But people learn from mistakes of their own and others, so maybe you can learn one or two things that we did wrong so that you dont repeat same mistake and hence, be one of the statistic.
Initially, we wanted to set it up in Gachie because, after observing, Gachie has no standard bar. Rwaka has but Gachie has nothing to show. If you guys have no idea where Gachie is or what it is made of, you should try and go there and order for Nyama. After the Nyama is ready, some residents will appear from nowhere, wash their hands and order Ugali for your Nyama. They will eat with you till it is finished then ask you to pay for the Ugali they even ordered. Some, however are reasonable, they will pay for Ugali which now cost 30, up from 20 last year. If you attempt to prevent them from eating your Nyama, it is you that will not eat that Nyama. All people of Gathie have one common disctinctive feature. They have one or two teeth missing. If you have all your teeths with you, then you dont come from there. Dont ask me how they loose them but your guess is as good as mine. Again
I was advised that since i am a Mukombori (renter), the locals will be coming to bar and order for 'Thika Road' or 'Worsops' and ask me to pay. If i refuse or hesitate, the punishment would be to have two or three of my tooth removed by a 'professional' dentist. The professional dentist is probably a retired kidnapper or a former accomplice of Matheri. I was also told that if i wanted to target people that give me no trouble, then i should sell Busaa. I was told that it is second Kawangware of Nairobi. Whatever that meant i dont know.
I was not ready to have my dental disfiguired, so i settled for a less favourable estate i will not tell you because the bar is still there and is an example of a failed state. In that estate, there are more bars than houses, so you can imagine the competition.
We identified a bar that was being sold by a guy relocating to Mombasa. We agreed and after parting with a tidy sum of money in cash, we sat and happily waited for customers. We called our friends and tell them that we are now big boys owning a big bar in Nairobi. We did mathematics of how many customers we would have per day and among the customers we were counting on were our over 100 friends combined, so we thought, everyday, we would sell 100 x 4 beers,to the minimum. We have never been so wrong. The people we thought were friends that drink everyday would come and drink on bill and stay for 3 weeks without coming. Not knowign they are not paying, some of them would come and even buy for other patrons and later call the waiter and say " ee tarehe karamu saine haha. ino ngariha rucio" (Bring pen i sign bill. This one i will pay tomorow) The only good customers we had were people living in that hood. But they were never drinking there because they wanted to but because they knew that we buy rounds without ending when we get drunk. So, when we were not coming there, none of them would come to drink there. Others would come drunk and only drink one beer ati for putting sign.
We decided to change tactic. We asked Theuri, who did a degree of drawing houses in university we asked him to come up with a strategy that would bring people flowing. This was the lamest of all i have ever heard in my life. One, every Friday, we buy Nyama for all our clients. Another strategy was, we identified 5 beaufitiful chicks from the neiborhood and we wrote them 3 beers per day each. That, according to Theuri, they would attract men in the club. It did work for sometime yes, but sooner than later, all the guys that were attracted to those ladies married the chicks or put stomachs on them. Once they get stomach, they stop drinking and once they get husband, they all disappear. We did away with that and started thoughting how to move away from that business.
The other problem was the counter girl. She was called Mueni. Since the wholesaler of hard drinks were just next, she would buy her drink and sell them, so our stock remained intact, maybe selling very few per week. Then there were those expensive drinks called Johny walker black label we had buyed. Later, when we were closing, we realised that all the content had been drunked and replaced with water with salt. Ifact even some beer, they drink and put water with Omo.
Mueni, like most Kamba girls was very beautiful. Theuri made mistake and started eating her many times. Me i eat only once, that of eating and removing yourself from there Theuri would even eat her inside the premise and later drop her home. So, at the end of the day, she was like a shareholder. She used to make some decision that left some of us dump. She would fire a waiter and hire another one. When i ask how comes, she say that waiter only talk with male customers and get climbed by customers.
It reached a time the business could not pay itself and we were returning in pocket to pay for the rent and stuff. When a business start asking for money, the best thing to do is to sell it. We tolded all brokers around there and even advertise in classified ads. We say we want One million, goodwill included and all stuff inside, including the waiters.
People were coming from left and right. When they come, they ask why we wanted to sell and we tell them we are relocating to the US. We had even cooked very good record and we tell them it can do better if owners give it better supervision. People would bargain and say 800k and when we tell them bring, they say tomorrow, others they will ask for loan from bank. But the buyers would crawl back in the evening and see only 3 customers.
It went on and on until we stopped going to that bar because you only get sad when there. You only find it is only 6 customers drinking and they are sharing a KC and the other one is drinking Soda and chewing Miraa. As time wented by, the deposit we had put expired. We refused to pay and tell owner he wait until we sell it but he refuse to hear. We refused to go back to pocket and when the owner become more bitter, we tell him to take his house, we dont want it. We tell him even counter he should take and cook ugali with it and use bottles and chairs to pay for unpaid rent.
Exactly two weeks after we return the bar to owner, one woman come from Europe with many money. She wanted to set up a business and she was told there is bar being sold. When she viewed the bar, she say it is good and paid a total of 500k to the owner for counter and bottles and seats. The owner destroyed our name so much to her by telling her that we failed because we drink all beer with our friends and people of trap. The woman thought we were foolish and smiled on inside that she had fallen for a good deal. She come and renovate the premise, put tiles, put new tables and seats and it looks like town bar until her money was finished. She spent like 1.5m on renovation. Inside her mind, she tell herself that she want to make it strippers bar. Then once man come and tell her " mh. niwaritie na subu shifu? na OCS? matingitikira strippers club residencial area" (Have you talked to the sub chief? and the OCS? they cant allow a strippers in residential area) She said ok, she will make it normal bar.
When it was time to officially re-open the bar, she called John De-Methew so sing. People filled until others stand until morning. Tomorrow of that day, nobody comes and she call another singer. She did that until her money finish. She had not even finished to pay for contractors and after a month, contractors start to bring stress until she does not come to that bar again.
She come with her car and park far and watch and watch and see no customer go in. She stay for three months and sell only one crate of beer per day. She get stress and go back to the Great Britain to look for more money. As we are talking, the bar has had 5 owners since that day and all sell because they are 'relocating' to USA or have been tranfered work to Mombasa. Biashara ni ngumu.
If you are buying a business, dont take those words, ati, i am moving to another city, ati, i have three business like this and i want to concentrate more on the others. Chances are, they are selling that business because if fails.On the other side of the coin, the owners could be bad managers and hence falling business. Maybe if you can make a better manager, you are in for a deal But it doent happen all the time.
I remain,
Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine
I told you long time that i started a bar biz. It failed miserably, and if you are plannig to start the same, I hate to be a carried of bad news but that how it is. Chances are, it wont see its 3rd year. That also applies to all small businesses. But i didnt say that, its the statistics. But people learn from mistakes of their own and others, so maybe you can learn one or two things that we did wrong so that you dont repeat same mistake and hence, be one of the statistic.
Initially, we wanted to set it up in Gachie because, after observing, Gachie has no standard bar. Rwaka has but Gachie has nothing to show. If you guys have no idea where Gachie is or what it is made of, you should try and go there and order for Nyama. After the Nyama is ready, some residents will appear from nowhere, wash their hands and order Ugali for your Nyama. They will eat with you till it is finished then ask you to pay for the Ugali they even ordered. Some, however are reasonable, they will pay for Ugali which now cost 30, up from 20 last year. If you attempt to prevent them from eating your Nyama, it is you that will not eat that Nyama. All people of Gathie have one common disctinctive feature. They have one or two teeth missing. If you have all your teeths with you, then you dont come from there. Dont ask me how they loose them but your guess is as good as mine. Again
I was advised that since i am a Mukombori (renter), the locals will be coming to bar and order for 'Thika Road' or 'Worsops' and ask me to pay. If i refuse or hesitate, the punishment would be to have two or three of my tooth removed by a 'professional' dentist. The professional dentist is probably a retired kidnapper or a former accomplice of Matheri. I was also told that if i wanted to target people that give me no trouble, then i should sell Busaa. I was told that it is second Kawangware of Nairobi. Whatever that meant i dont know.
I was not ready to have my dental disfiguired, so i settled for a less favourable estate i will not tell you because the bar is still there and is an example of a failed state. In that estate, there are more bars than houses, so you can imagine the competition.
We identified a bar that was being sold by a guy relocating to Mombasa. We agreed and after parting with a tidy sum of money in cash, we sat and happily waited for customers. We called our friends and tell them that we are now big boys owning a big bar in Nairobi. We did mathematics of how many customers we would have per day and among the customers we were counting on were our over 100 friends combined, so we thought, everyday, we would sell 100 x 4 beers,to the minimum. We have never been so wrong. The people we thought were friends that drink everyday would come and drink on bill and stay for 3 weeks without coming. Not knowign they are not paying, some of them would come and even buy for other patrons and later call the waiter and say " ee tarehe karamu saine haha. ino ngariha rucio" (Bring pen i sign bill. This one i will pay tomorow) The only good customers we had were people living in that hood. But they were never drinking there because they wanted to but because they knew that we buy rounds without ending when we get drunk. So, when we were not coming there, none of them would come to drink there. Others would come drunk and only drink one beer ati for putting sign.
We decided to change tactic. We asked Theuri, who did a degree of drawing houses in university we asked him to come up with a strategy that would bring people flowing. This was the lamest of all i have ever heard in my life. One, every Friday, we buy Nyama for all our clients. Another strategy was, we identified 5 beaufitiful chicks from the neiborhood and we wrote them 3 beers per day each. That, according to Theuri, they would attract men in the club. It did work for sometime yes, but sooner than later, all the guys that were attracted to those ladies married the chicks or put stomachs on them. Once they get stomach, they stop drinking and once they get husband, they all disappear. We did away with that and started thoughting how to move away from that business.
The other problem was the counter girl. She was called Mueni. Since the wholesaler of hard drinks were just next, she would buy her drink and sell them, so our stock remained intact, maybe selling very few per week. Then there were those expensive drinks called Johny walker black label we had buyed. Later, when we were closing, we realised that all the content had been drunked and replaced with water with salt. Ifact even some beer, they drink and put water with Omo.
Mueni, like most Kamba girls was very beautiful. Theuri made mistake and started eating her many times. Me i eat only once, that of eating and removing yourself from there Theuri would even eat her inside the premise and later drop her home. So, at the end of the day, she was like a shareholder. She used to make some decision that left some of us dump. She would fire a waiter and hire another one. When i ask how comes, she say that waiter only talk with male customers and get climbed by customers.
It reached a time the business could not pay itself and we were returning in pocket to pay for the rent and stuff. When a business start asking for money, the best thing to do is to sell it. We tolded all brokers around there and even advertise in classified ads. We say we want One million, goodwill included and all stuff inside, including the waiters.
People were coming from left and right. When they come, they ask why we wanted to sell and we tell them we are relocating to the US. We had even cooked very good record and we tell them it can do better if owners give it better supervision. People would bargain and say 800k and when we tell them bring, they say tomorrow, others they will ask for loan from bank. But the buyers would crawl back in the evening and see only 3 customers.
It went on and on until we stopped going to that bar because you only get sad when there. You only find it is only 6 customers drinking and they are sharing a KC and the other one is drinking Soda and chewing Miraa. As time wented by, the deposit we had put expired. We refused to pay and tell owner he wait until we sell it but he refuse to hear. We refused to go back to pocket and when the owner become more bitter, we tell him to take his house, we dont want it. We tell him even counter he should take and cook ugali with it and use bottles and chairs to pay for unpaid rent.
Exactly two weeks after we return the bar to owner, one woman come from Europe with many money. She wanted to set up a business and she was told there is bar being sold. When she viewed the bar, she say it is good and paid a total of 500k to the owner for counter and bottles and seats. The owner destroyed our name so much to her by telling her that we failed because we drink all beer with our friends and people of trap. The woman thought we were foolish and smiled on inside that she had fallen for a good deal. She come and renovate the premise, put tiles, put new tables and seats and it looks like town bar until her money was finished. She spent like 1.5m on renovation. Inside her mind, she tell herself that she want to make it strippers bar. Then once man come and tell her " mh. niwaritie na subu shifu? na OCS? matingitikira strippers club residencial area" (Have you talked to the sub chief? and the OCS? they cant allow a strippers in residential area) She said ok, she will make it normal bar.
When it was time to officially re-open the bar, she called John De-Methew so sing. People filled until others stand until morning. Tomorrow of that day, nobody comes and she call another singer. She did that until her money finish. She had not even finished to pay for contractors and after a month, contractors start to bring stress until she does not come to that bar again.
She come with her car and park far and watch and watch and see no customer go in. She stay for three months and sell only one crate of beer per day. She get stress and go back to the Great Britain to look for more money. As we are talking, the bar has had 5 owners since that day and all sell because they are 'relocating' to USA or have been tranfered work to Mombasa. Biashara ni ngumu.
If you are buying a business, dont take those words, ati, i am moving to another city, ati, i have three business like this and i want to concentrate more on the others. Chances are, they are selling that business because if fails.On the other side of the coin, the owners could be bad managers and hence falling business. Maybe if you can make a better manager, you are in for a deal But it doent happen all the time.
I remain,
Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The Most Expensive Hole I Ever Had.
Some things i write here, not because i want you to think i am hero of climbing, but i want you see how fool i was to have climbed some people for so much. I feel stupid to have done some of them and this story is one of them. I have never been a hero of climbing. Infact one day, my grandpa tolded me that "wanjohi, akorwo wi muhaicani muno, thie uthice makara maria" (If you think you are a climber, go climb that burning charcoal) and i stopped climbanaring ofyo ofyo.
We have at one time spent money on a cat on one single day and tomorow, you want to kill somebody because you spent too much. I have, on several occasions, just like you, spent thousands on one pussycat but end up regretting. But the mother of all was on one lady i met far away from this country. I have never felt so bad but i blame it on my education. If i had wented to university or college, i wouldn't have made such a mistake.
I have had the privilege of being carried by an aircraft once or twice. One such time i was going to place called Guanzhou in the Peoples republic of China. I was with Theuri and we had gone to source some stuff to sell locally. I had something closer to a million bob and Theuri had three times that. As we walked through some wholesale market, as usual Theuri talk talk in loud voice and in his mother tongue. "eeh riu wanjohi niukioi, twagura indo ici, tuguthondeka mbeca ta aici (E you know Wanjohi, if we buy those stuff, we will make money like thieves) Then one lady come to us and greeted us in Okuyo. There is nothing so exciting as meeting a country man in such a place, and more so, when it is a person of out. A person of out more because, the chances of climbing her is higher than in Nairobi. Whether she is married or not, or looks like sun, or her hole has stairs, it matters less. Even if it is wife of big people, once you are in an alien land, far away from home, you become one level.
When there is such a possibility, you want to take advantage at all cost. This is because black people of trapping are very expensive. If it is a person of trap and is black, the least they take is $100 or 800RMB. A Chinese takes a mere 50RM or 10$. Problem with Chinese is they are very cold. Even when inside, you dont feel like you are inside, its like you are inside a cold place, like a cooler maybe. Again, they are used to small jostos of Chinese, so when they see it is African man wanting to climb, especially Nigerian, they say "fuckin fuckin? Africa bigi, no. unless slow slow" Arabs takes like $50 and Philippines takes $40. Philippines are not very bad, alteast they are warm, but.. smooth and sliding. So, big business here if you are a person of trap, like Nairobinights.co.cc and you want to make a fortune, or you are there and you wont mind making some big bucks getting climbed in China, get in touch with me, i show you where the money is. Forget nairobi, all the dudes are broke or stingy and compe is also high.
After introducing ourselves as prominent Nairobi business people, the lady telled us that she is teacher of English in some far away Northern province. She told us she was due to travel in evening by train. She say it takes 48 hours to travel by speed train. Theuri telled the lady that she postpone, but she say she cant because she will be working on Monday and it was Friday. Theuri asked her how much it is by plane and she say, an equivalent of 26k in Kenya shillings. Theuri called me aside and telled me if i want to climb her because she has good face and buttocks and i said yes. He asked me if i will pay for her air ticket and i said of course, we are prominent Nairobi business man. I did one plus one and saw out of the close to a milli i had, 26k was peanut. After all, i was getting 100% profit from the stuff we were importing. So i telled myself thats pocket change and agreed with myself fully.
He went back to the lady and telled her i am a big man and i will pay for her Airticket. We went to some train station, she canceled her ticket and was refunded some money. We then went to an agent and booked for her ticket and i paid in CASH. We then went shopping and i buy her clothes, not from wholesale shops now, but from Chinese designer shops, equivalent to Mr price.
When night come, we went to our hotel and she put her bag in our room. We were sharing room with Theuri, so he had to rent another room for that night. After that, we went to some bar owned by some Nigerian brothers and spend our hard earned cash with the woman and Theuri. But the good thing is that the cost of beer there is equivalent to what beer used to cost here in 1997. But when we drink beer, Theuri decorates my CV like nothing. He tell the lady that we travel business class and he doent know why i did not book for her business class. He then tel her in ear "ni wona njama ino. ikuaga ngiri igana rimwe tugathie kirabu tukanyua hakuhi ciothe. (You see this gentleman, he carry 100k in bar and we drink almost all). The woman looks at me and admire. She tell herself she is sitting with an equivalent of Hon. Kabogo. Theuri tell her to rub her job in China and come to Kenya, i can afford to set a business for her, even if it is for one million. The lady enter box and she give me business ideas, even some stuff we can buy and sell in Kenya and make 10 times more. Some of those items included Dildos,vibrating Makobostos, copied Postino 2 and Panadols.
After getting drunked enough, it was time to go to room. Those beer you take 3 Tigers and you feel like you have take a whole crate of Summit lager. Even Heinekenn there is cheaper than water. The lady telled me that we pass to Chemist she wanted to buy medicine. Inside the Chemist, i saw her buy the drugs that refuse stomach to enter. Inside my head, i told myself that she has lied to herself to think i will eat her without Makobosto. However, I did not buy Makobosto because in room, they keep a packet there for the clients that bring people of trap. They bill you only if you use them. She then removed some papers and showed me some medical report. In that report, it say "No Mneck found" She tell me that in China, they must measure you for mneck if you are to work there. If you have mneck, they deport you there there. i listened to her pitch but inside my head, i telled myself that that is stories of giants, i must eat her with Makobosto. Maybe she has stomach she want to enter me.
When we went to room, as usual, i jumped on her and sucked her extra large Brookside and tiita. As i sucked tiita, i remembered she tell me she has been measured, so i should not fear. Althpugh i did not enjoy sucking her tiita because it had too much salt, I worked and worked on it until she cry in tears and shout.. "uuuu aahhhh wwaaaaa uuuuuu" until she pour. After pouring, she jumped on my josto and suck and in a record time, i poured in twedy two seconds, faster that what Chicharito jotted on Sunday against Chelsie.
In my life, i have never seen such woman that has so much expertise and other bad manners we cannot condone in my village. Thinking she will run away from the powerful jotis coming from my josto, she did not. She drink as if its yogurt. Then, she did something i will never share with anyone. She came and kissed me when her mouth that was full of jotis. I wanted to refuse and run for hills but she come by force and kiss me when her lips and mouth is full of those things. I programed my mind to take it that it is not what is it, so we kissed and kissed. She returned to josto and it stand again and she come up. We do all stylos and when i pour she did not allow me to rest, until i wanted to run away from that room.
As i continued to ramnya, she said i go doggy. But that is not news. She turn to me and ask if i like anal. With speed of light i said NO NO NO AND NEVER. I can do some things but anal? never. She like saw the worry displayed in my face and turned away from that subject. But its like she did not get happy because i refuse anal. But in as much as unhappy she was, she did not allow me to rest. And because my josto is not used to going for more than one round, it reached a time it protested and refused to wake up completely. But i did compensate by sucking tiita and other body parts.
In the morning glory, i remembered a blog i read called nimotosana about climbing a person of out in a way that she never forget you till she die. It said that if you want to do a woman and she never forget, close all holes she has. I tried that practically and it worked. When the josto is in the hole, bring your right hand and close the hole of anal with one finger. Then, with your tongue, close one ear and with one finger of other hand, close the other ear. Only leave the mouth to say mbu. She said mbu and she come three times in 10 minutes. Even today when she write me email, she say no man has ever made her feel the way she felt. I always get attempted to tell her that no other woman has ever spent my hard earned cash in one night like her.
Tomorrow morning, she tell me her time of climbing plane has come. She said i give her taxi money. Maybe thinking i will give her like 30k, i gave her 5k to take taxi to Airport and from Airport. After handing her the 5k, i did not even say bye to her. The money had pained so much. In total, i had spend on her over 35k, just to dip my tree. I regretted, i would have been better off if i had taken a black trapping person and they are plenty, especially from Ethiopia and Tanzania.
It was such a stupid thing i did. After telling Theuri in the evening how i eat the person, his tree stand and he take Chinese one. They are cheap, although cold. But when he come back, he say to me "mangai ndinahuna. Ndathie guetha ka muarafu" (I did not full. I am going to look for Arab). Theuri went to University and its not easy for him to waste money like that on people of out. But I encourage him to take African so that he can as well feel pain like the one i feel for spending so much on just but a hole. He took one and ended up eating her everyday, but on discounted rate of 50 US.
I remain,
Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine
We have at one time spent money on a cat on one single day and tomorow, you want to kill somebody because you spent too much. I have, on several occasions, just like you, spent thousands on one pussycat but end up regretting. But the mother of all was on one lady i met far away from this country. I have never felt so bad but i blame it on my education. If i had wented to university or college, i wouldn't have made such a mistake.
I have had the privilege of being carried by an aircraft once or twice. One such time i was going to place called Guanzhou in the Peoples republic of China. I was with Theuri and we had gone to source some stuff to sell locally. I had something closer to a million bob and Theuri had three times that. As we walked through some wholesale market, as usual Theuri talk talk in loud voice and in his mother tongue. "eeh riu wanjohi niukioi, twagura indo ici, tuguthondeka mbeca ta aici (E you know Wanjohi, if we buy those stuff, we will make money like thieves) Then one lady come to us and greeted us in Okuyo. There is nothing so exciting as meeting a country man in such a place, and more so, when it is a person of out. A person of out more because, the chances of climbing her is higher than in Nairobi. Whether she is married or not, or looks like sun, or her hole has stairs, it matters less. Even if it is wife of big people, once you are in an alien land, far away from home, you become one level.
When there is such a possibility, you want to take advantage at all cost. This is because black people of trapping are very expensive. If it is a person of trap and is black, the least they take is $100 or 800RMB. A Chinese takes a mere 50RM or 10$. Problem with Chinese is they are very cold. Even when inside, you dont feel like you are inside, its like you are inside a cold place, like a cooler maybe. Again, they are used to small jostos of Chinese, so when they see it is African man wanting to climb, especially Nigerian, they say "fuckin fuckin? Africa bigi, no. unless slow slow" Arabs takes like $50 and Philippines takes $40. Philippines are not very bad, alteast they are warm, but.. smooth and sliding. So, big business here if you are a person of trap, like Nairobinights.co.cc and you want to make a fortune, or you are there and you wont mind making some big bucks getting climbed in China, get in touch with me, i show you where the money is. Forget nairobi, all the dudes are broke or stingy and compe is also high.
After introducing ourselves as prominent Nairobi business people, the lady telled us that she is teacher of English in some far away Northern province. She told us she was due to travel in evening by train. She say it takes 48 hours to travel by speed train. Theuri telled the lady that she postpone, but she say she cant because she will be working on Monday and it was Friday. Theuri asked her how much it is by plane and she say, an equivalent of 26k in Kenya shillings. Theuri called me aside and telled me if i want to climb her because she has good face and buttocks and i said yes. He asked me if i will pay for her air ticket and i said of course, we are prominent Nairobi business man. I did one plus one and saw out of the close to a milli i had, 26k was peanut. After all, i was getting 100% profit from the stuff we were importing. So i telled myself thats pocket change and agreed with myself fully.
He went back to the lady and telled her i am a big man and i will pay for her Airticket. We went to some train station, she canceled her ticket and was refunded some money. We then went to an agent and booked for her ticket and i paid in CASH. We then went shopping and i buy her clothes, not from wholesale shops now, but from Chinese designer shops, equivalent to Mr price.
When night come, we went to our hotel and she put her bag in our room. We were sharing room with Theuri, so he had to rent another room for that night. After that, we went to some bar owned by some Nigerian brothers and spend our hard earned cash with the woman and Theuri. But the good thing is that the cost of beer there is equivalent to what beer used to cost here in 1997. But when we drink beer, Theuri decorates my CV like nothing. He tell the lady that we travel business class and he doent know why i did not book for her business class. He then tel her in ear "ni wona njama ino. ikuaga ngiri igana rimwe tugathie kirabu tukanyua hakuhi ciothe. (You see this gentleman, he carry 100k in bar and we drink almost all). The woman looks at me and admire. She tell herself she is sitting with an equivalent of Hon. Kabogo. Theuri tell her to rub her job in China and come to Kenya, i can afford to set a business for her, even if it is for one million. The lady enter box and she give me business ideas, even some stuff we can buy and sell in Kenya and make 10 times more. Some of those items included Dildos,vibrating Makobostos, copied Postino 2 and Panadols.
After getting drunked enough, it was time to go to room. Those beer you take 3 Tigers and you feel like you have take a whole crate of Summit lager. Even Heinekenn there is cheaper than water. The lady telled me that we pass to Chemist she wanted to buy medicine. Inside the Chemist, i saw her buy the drugs that refuse stomach to enter. Inside my head, i told myself that she has lied to herself to think i will eat her without Makobosto. However, I did not buy Makobosto because in room, they keep a packet there for the clients that bring people of trap. They bill you only if you use them. She then removed some papers and showed me some medical report. In that report, it say "No Mneck found" She tell me that in China, they must measure you for mneck if you are to work there. If you have mneck, they deport you there there. i listened to her pitch but inside my head, i telled myself that that is stories of giants, i must eat her with Makobosto. Maybe she has stomach she want to enter me.
When we went to room, as usual, i jumped on her and sucked her extra large Brookside and tiita. As i sucked tiita, i remembered she tell me she has been measured, so i should not fear. Althpugh i did not enjoy sucking her tiita because it had too much salt, I worked and worked on it until she cry in tears and shout.. "uuuu aahhhh wwaaaaa uuuuuu" until she pour. After pouring, she jumped on my josto and suck and in a record time, i poured in twedy two seconds, faster that what Chicharito jotted on Sunday against Chelsie.
In my life, i have never seen such woman that has so much expertise and other bad manners we cannot condone in my village. Thinking she will run away from the powerful jotis coming from my josto, she did not. She drink as if its yogurt. Then, she did something i will never share with anyone. She came and kissed me when her mouth that was full of jotis. I wanted to refuse and run for hills but she come by force and kiss me when her lips and mouth is full of those things. I programed my mind to take it that it is not what is it, so we kissed and kissed. She returned to josto and it stand again and she come up. We do all stylos and when i pour she did not allow me to rest, until i wanted to run away from that room.
As i continued to ramnya, she said i go doggy. But that is not news. She turn to me and ask if i like anal. With speed of light i said NO NO NO AND NEVER. I can do some things but anal? never. She like saw the worry displayed in my face and turned away from that subject. But its like she did not get happy because i refuse anal. But in as much as unhappy she was, she did not allow me to rest. And because my josto is not used to going for more than one round, it reached a time it protested and refused to wake up completely. But i did compensate by sucking tiita and other body parts.
In the morning glory, i remembered a blog i read called nimotosana about climbing a person of out in a way that she never forget you till she die. It said that if you want to do a woman and she never forget, close all holes she has. I tried that practically and it worked. When the josto is in the hole, bring your right hand and close the hole of anal with one finger. Then, with your tongue, close one ear and with one finger of other hand, close the other ear. Only leave the mouth to say mbu. She said mbu and she come three times in 10 minutes. Even today when she write me email, she say no man has ever made her feel the way she felt. I always get attempted to tell her that no other woman has ever spent my hard earned cash in one night like her.
Tomorrow morning, she tell me her time of climbing plane has come. She said i give her taxi money. Maybe thinking i will give her like 30k, i gave her 5k to take taxi to Airport and from Airport. After handing her the 5k, i did not even say bye to her. The money had pained so much. In total, i had spend on her over 35k, just to dip my tree. I regretted, i would have been better off if i had taken a black trapping person and they are plenty, especially from Ethiopia and Tanzania.
It was such a stupid thing i did. After telling Theuri in the evening how i eat the person, his tree stand and he take Chinese one. They are cheap, although cold. But when he come back, he say to me "mangai ndinahuna. Ndathie guetha ka muarafu" (I did not full. I am going to look for Arab). Theuri went to University and its not easy for him to waste money like that on people of out. But I encourage him to take African so that he can as well feel pain like the one i feel for spending so much on just but a hole. He took one and ended up eating her everyday, but on discounted rate of 50 US.
I remain,
Wanjohi Wa Kigogoine
Monday, May 9, 2011
Climbing Uganda Ladies Made Easier.
Have you ever eaten something then in the morning when you wake up you refuse to believe that you are the one that ate? I have done that several times, both the good and the bad but the most memorable was in the land where you get clobbered for walking to work. That government is so funny because its like you are using the govers' legs to walk to work. Some guys wanted to try that here in Kenya but they gave up when they realized that majority of those who would be in forefront of the walk to work have walked to work all their lives, so it holds no water. The remaining of us work from home or have no work at all.
I had gonned there on 'assigned' and after a day of hard work, i went to an executive barber shop to have my beard trimmed, somewhere along Kampala street. After paying a whooping 250 bob for a mere hair cut, i paid it to a very cute cute cashier. She is black in color, almost Sudan, 30something size of chest and yes, shapely straight legs, no dent and big buttocks. After paying the 250 with pain (I get the same shaving for Kshs 80 here in Nairobi), I introduced myself to to her as Mr. Wanjohi wa Kigogoine, son of Professor Nick Wanjohi, the headmaster of University of Nairobi. Immediately i told her that, her face lighted up. I then told her that I had come to do some research and i needed somebody to guide me through Champalas night life. I tolded her i was planning to do a major investment there, probably of club because i hear Ugandans love drinking and climbing one another.
The lady told me that she will be more than happy to show me after work. To me, that was another ordinary lady written in an executive barber to collect money for owner. At exactly 8 my phone started crying with calls.
" Ee Wanjoi, where are you?" I told her the ka pub i was in, mostly frequented by Kenyan pupils and other Kenyans along Kampala street. In a short while, she came and like a real son of Wanjohi, i pulled a seat for her. Then when she sit down, i saw her put keys of car on table. At first i thought it was the shop keys.
"What beer is you going to drinking?" I asked.
"I will take Moonberg. Thats a fine German beer and i am not sure if they stock it here" she said.
Inside my heart, i started to think this girl is like Kenyan girls. The ones that take expensive beer when somebody else is boughting the beer and when alone, they take Kenya Kane and such stuff. But when you are boughting, they say "eeh give me Heineken, give me tot of Sambuka, tot of Amarura, give me eh.. " The waiter said they dont have that Moonberg. She said she can as well take Nile perch special. She then say she is hungry and wanted something to eat. I ordered for meat. Their meat is not like Kenya, they sell in portion. An equivalent of a 1/4 Kg is more expensive than One kg of goat meat at Jugunas. I had registered in my mind that she was written there just to take money but it became apparent to me that she indeed owns the business. According to her, she set that up just after University because she wanted to do Masters in English language.
We talked about Uganda life and stuff and when we finish eating meat, she call waiter and tell waiter to close the bones for her. She telled me that she always carries the bone for her puppy. Immediately she say that, my testicles froze. In my mind, i started to ask who this girl was, a girl that owned a dog? In Kenya, people that have dogs are rich people only. I hear it is so expensive to maintain a dog, a dog eat 2k per day. How true that is, only Wazungus and rich fella knows. She then suggested we shift to places with more life, in area called Kabaragara. I told her its ok, we will take Taxi. She telled me she has her car with her, no need to take taxi and my testicles freezed further.
I then telled myself that maybe she borrow car to show me around and when we enter her car, a Toyota Ipsum, 2007 model, i telled her she has a nice car. She told me that that one belonged to her mum, she doent drive Japan cars, she only drives German cars. Now my testicles now froze like Arsenal fans, completely. All my miborowing words vanished in air.
I cant remember which club we wented but in that club, her German beer brand, Moonberg was available. When bill came, i saw it was even cheaper than Tusker there. After several drinks, the beer in me started talking and i borrowed. She said she cant give me on one day but agreed to drop me in my guest house. She telled me she like my english because it is so straight, not like other people that go there to buy clothes to sell.
The lady dropped me at my guest house. I dont know what i told her but she needed to see that guest house inside how it look. Once in room, I behaved like a good boy that i am. She pulled a seat and we talked and talked, but majority story of giants. One thing led to another and i found myself doing something my grandpa said it is illegal in our language, sucking her tiita. In my life, i have never seen such a big tiita. I can only compare it to another girl i ate in Kigali. So big that when i put in my mouth, if fulls in the mouth.
I sucked and sucked the tiita until she say mbu. She then say i put makobosto on to climb her. I climbed and climbed my stylos and all of a sudden, i feel warmth of water splash all over me. Alot of water many than urinal but not smell. I had been splashed before in Rwanda, so i knew that was not urinal. When i was first splashed in Rwanda, it disturb me why a girl can urinate while being climbed. I did know what sort of an insult was that until i googled and saw that that is called squirting. If you have no google on your computer, send me an email and for more explanation. However, if you dont want those waters, like i learned in Rwanda (In Rwanda, when i speak Engish, you would think i am European. You would fall down and die if you hear them speak english. Ask Wahome of Carwash.) you tell the lady "na mimi sitaki maji maji rebellion". She will control herself and not splash you with water.
Although i dont like women that squirt, i hear that they squirt for feeling mzuri excess. Inside my heart, i knew that i had made one Uganda woman very happy. Because the bed became very very wet, she said i should accompany her to her house and sleep over. I first refused refused, you that refusing of beating oneself, and when she telled me her mum is out of country and she is only alone and houseboy and gate man, i agreed. I have never been to such a home in this country but i did not fear. I climbed her two more times in one night, although i tell her not to splash me with water again. She only splashed me during the morning glory session.
Tomorrow when i wake up and i am sober, i tried to think if was dreaming or what. Tomorrow of that day, she wanted more action but i refused. In my mind, i was knowing for true, she give me because i tell her my father is headmaster of university. I had also tolded her that i have travel all over the world, even Dubai and Hongkong. I tell her i dont sleep in Chung King mansion where Africans sleep in Hongkong. I tell her I know even Guanzhou, Tianshu Tasha and many other places. But if only she know that i googled to get those names, she would have called those soldiers that spray Bisige with pepper soup in eyes to do the same thing to me. I have never gonned back but if i happen to go back, i dont think i will climb her again. I might go and forget who my father is. But my clever lies led me to eating something yummy and special.
When it come to eating people, i want people that eat themselves, people i can order around. Somebody i can give 1k and she see like its one million. I hate the idea of eating somebody i am fearing or i can respect because they have many money or influence.
(By the way, I had tolded you that it was guaranteed that Man u were to climb the sugar mamas. Kwanza the first joti ni ya 30 seconds, bila makobosto. The Chicha fella must have read this blog because i said before, if you see a girl can refuse refuse, pour very fast so that if she refuse in the middle, you will be okey yourself. No wonder he poured that fast. Wale Ex supporters was Arsenal (naskia ni kuhama) tunaomba >>>> mungu awaonekanie. Poleni but next season ni season bado)
I had gonned there on 'assigned' and after a day of hard work, i went to an executive barber shop to have my beard trimmed, somewhere along Kampala street. After paying a whooping 250 bob for a mere hair cut, i paid it to a very cute cute cashier. She is black in color, almost Sudan, 30something size of chest and yes, shapely straight legs, no dent and big buttocks. After paying the 250 with pain (I get the same shaving for Kshs 80 here in Nairobi), I introduced myself to to her as Mr. Wanjohi wa Kigogoine, son of Professor Nick Wanjohi, the headmaster of University of Nairobi. Immediately i told her that, her face lighted up. I then told her that I had come to do some research and i needed somebody to guide me through Champalas night life. I tolded her i was planning to do a major investment there, probably of club because i hear Ugandans love drinking and climbing one another.
The lady told me that she will be more than happy to show me after work. To me, that was another ordinary lady written in an executive barber to collect money for owner. At exactly 8 my phone started crying with calls.
" Ee Wanjoi, where are you?" I told her the ka pub i was in, mostly frequented by Kenyan pupils and other Kenyans along Kampala street. In a short while, she came and like a real son of Wanjohi, i pulled a seat for her. Then when she sit down, i saw her put keys of car on table. At first i thought it was the shop keys.
"What beer is you going to drinking?" I asked.
"I will take Moonberg. Thats a fine German beer and i am not sure if they stock it here" she said.
Inside my heart, i started to think this girl is like Kenyan girls. The ones that take expensive beer when somebody else is boughting the beer and when alone, they take Kenya Kane and such stuff. But when you are boughting, they say "eeh give me Heineken, give me tot of Sambuka, tot of Amarura, give me eh.. " The waiter said they dont have that Moonberg. She said she can as well take Nile perch special. She then say she is hungry and wanted something to eat. I ordered for meat. Their meat is not like Kenya, they sell in portion. An equivalent of a 1/4 Kg is more expensive than One kg of goat meat at Jugunas. I had registered in my mind that she was written there just to take money but it became apparent to me that she indeed owns the business. According to her, she set that up just after University because she wanted to do Masters in English language.
We talked about Uganda life and stuff and when we finish eating meat, she call waiter and tell waiter to close the bones for her. She telled me that she always carries the bone for her puppy. Immediately she say that, my testicles froze. In my mind, i started to ask who this girl was, a girl that owned a dog? In Kenya, people that have dogs are rich people only. I hear it is so expensive to maintain a dog, a dog eat 2k per day. How true that is, only Wazungus and rich fella knows. She then suggested we shift to places with more life, in area called Kabaragara. I told her its ok, we will take Taxi. She telled me she has her car with her, no need to take taxi and my testicles freezed further.
I then telled myself that maybe she borrow car to show me around and when we enter her car, a Toyota Ipsum, 2007 model, i telled her she has a nice car. She told me that that one belonged to her mum, she doent drive Japan cars, she only drives German cars. Now my testicles now froze like Arsenal fans, completely. All my miborowing words vanished in air.
I cant remember which club we wented but in that club, her German beer brand, Moonberg was available. When bill came, i saw it was even cheaper than Tusker there. After several drinks, the beer in me started talking and i borrowed. She said she cant give me on one day but agreed to drop me in my guest house. She telled me she like my english because it is so straight, not like other people that go there to buy clothes to sell.
The lady dropped me at my guest house. I dont know what i told her but she needed to see that guest house inside how it look. Once in room, I behaved like a good boy that i am. She pulled a seat and we talked and talked, but majority story of giants. One thing led to another and i found myself doing something my grandpa said it is illegal in our language, sucking her tiita. In my life, i have never seen such a big tiita. I can only compare it to another girl i ate in Kigali. So big that when i put in my mouth, if fulls in the mouth.
I sucked and sucked the tiita until she say mbu. She then say i put makobosto on to climb her. I climbed and climbed my stylos and all of a sudden, i feel warmth of water splash all over me. Alot of water many than urinal but not smell. I had been splashed before in Rwanda, so i knew that was not urinal. When i was first splashed in Rwanda, it disturb me why a girl can urinate while being climbed. I did know what sort of an insult was that until i googled and saw that that is called squirting. If you have no google on your computer, send me an email and for more explanation. However, if you dont want those waters, like i learned in Rwanda (In Rwanda, when i speak Engish, you would think i am European. You would fall down and die if you hear them speak english. Ask Wahome of Carwash.) you tell the lady "na mimi sitaki maji maji rebellion". She will control herself and not splash you with water.
Although i dont like women that squirt, i hear that they squirt for feeling mzuri excess. Inside my heart, i knew that i had made one Uganda woman very happy. Because the bed became very very wet, she said i should accompany her to her house and sleep over. I first refused refused, you that refusing of beating oneself, and when she telled me her mum is out of country and she is only alone and houseboy and gate man, i agreed. I have never been to such a home in this country but i did not fear. I climbed her two more times in one night, although i tell her not to splash me with water again. She only splashed me during the morning glory session.
Tomorrow when i wake up and i am sober, i tried to think if was dreaming or what. Tomorrow of that day, she wanted more action but i refused. In my mind, i was knowing for true, she give me because i tell her my father is headmaster of university. I had also tolded her that i have travel all over the world, even Dubai and Hongkong. I tell her i dont sleep in Chung King mansion where Africans sleep in Hongkong. I tell her I know even Guanzhou, Tianshu Tasha and many other places. But if only she know that i googled to get those names, she would have called those soldiers that spray Bisige with pepper soup in eyes to do the same thing to me. I have never gonned back but if i happen to go back, i dont think i will climb her again. I might go and forget who my father is. But my clever lies led me to eating something yummy and special.
When it come to eating people, i want people that eat themselves, people i can order around. Somebody i can give 1k and she see like its one million. I hate the idea of eating somebody i am fearing or i can respect because they have many money or influence.
(By the way, I had tolded you that it was guaranteed that Man u were to climb the sugar mamas. Kwanza the first joti ni ya 30 seconds, bila makobosto. The Chicha fella must have read this blog because i said before, if you see a girl can refuse refuse, pour very fast so that if she refuse in the middle, you will be okey yourself. No wonder he poured that fast. Wale Ex supporters was Arsenal (naskia ni kuhama) tunaomba >>>> mungu awaonekanie. Poleni but next season ni season bado)
Friday, May 6, 2011
Women That Insert Men Box With Stomachs
I should have posted this earlier but electricity run away just as i was about to submit. Sorry but lets blame the Kenya power.
On Wednesday night, i was with Theuri and some other guys in some place as we beat water and at the same time, waiting for the match between Man u vs ana ka team. There is nothing to write home about that match. It was like doing a person of trap. Its more than a guarantee that you will dip your tree. The other match coming next on Sunday, i.e. The BIG team Man U vs Chelsie is also rather too obvious. Its like a rich old woman calling on you at your house for a quickie and she comes along with a pack of Kamagra tabs to enable you work on her proper. (heheh remember who is refereeing this match? Webb, our own referee). So, with no doubt, you are assured of eating the rich sugar mama, unless, in an unlikely instance they come raining. We know they are past menopause, so chances of them raining is next to zero. If i was Kiraitu, i would say its like raping a willing... .. oops no. forget that.
Away from that, when Theuri came, he was accompanied by a guy we nicknamed Mpesa because he hardly carries hard cash. When its time to pay bill, he always say "No wina gikingi ndimuikiria Mpesaine?" (who has a k i send him) or "Do you guys run cards here?"
That day, Theuri say he had no money with him and Mpesa loaned him 2k. Just after withdrawing money , his phone started crying with endless calls. On seeing who was calling, his face turned sad and said:
"mangai andu aya matiri tha ma i. Ma kamuhiki gaka karenda guka kuria tubesha tutu ndaheo ni Mpesa o tha ici" (This people have no mercy. She want to come and eat this money Mpesa just give me).
When he called her back, the woman tell Theuri to send her credit. Theuri telled her to come there because we were only like 50 meters from her house but she say her mum has come from village to bring house girl and she cant come out. We laugh at Theuri and tell him he had been lied to. We tell him that that lady has a man in her house. We tell him that if it was her mum, she could have excused herself for 30 minutes, she come say hi and go back. But since it was another man in her house, she couldnt leave a man in her house and go for 30 minutes. Where will she say she had been to?
It is then that he start to sing this song "uuuuu aaahh uuuu ngai ndahoya ndukanareke ninuo ni njohi na ahiki" (oh God, i pray, do not let me be finished by beer and women).
As we beat water, Theuri tell us a story of a girl that Mpesa was eating sometimes ago. Theuri suffers from a disease called verbal diarrhea. He never keeps quet and never keeps secret and when he start talking, its pararapara. Mpesa had kept a woman and was paying for her house and shopping although she is written a good job and get paid over 25k every 30th of month. The trust became too much and he started to eat without makobosto. But with trust or no trust, it is not possible to eat one person 5 consecutive times and still use makobosto. kweli rongo?
One day when they were drinking, he see lady writing sms and getting may replies. Mpesa later borrow her phone to call someone as his phone had died of fire. After finishing calling, he looked at the phone's sent items. He see sms she had sended to a fella called Kaama. It readed like this: "ulipotea juu uliskia niko na mimba yako" (You lost because you heard i have your stomach). Mpesa confronted the lady but she say she she was joking with the man. From that day, he cut relief to that lady.
The climax of that story was that two months before, that woman tell Mpesa that she had his stomach and wanted to remove it. She asked for 15k to remove. Mpesa ask where she intend to remove it from and she say at Kencom house. Now theuri stop telling us story and first laugh until he fall on ground because, the lady had no stomach. Mpesa discovered that when he told the chick that he knows better joints that can remove stomach for lesser, one called Marie Stopes, pangani branch. He also say another one at Afya house i wunt name because it belong to a friend of my friend. They settled for Afya. When Mpesa inquired how much, he was told its 9k and it will be out in 30 minutes and she can even go back to work same time. She was told it was simpler to remove stomach that to remove teeth. Its called bloodless i dont know what. When he removed his phone to send money by Mpesa to the doctor, the lady said she has thoughted otherwise, she will keep baby. Mpesa begged her to remove but she say if she was to remove, it had to be at Kencom house because they have more experience and she know one nurse there and her privacy is guaranteed. Mpesa does not argue like Theuri, so he gave her the 15k and that was that.
That is how she removes men. Every month, alteast two men fall on that trap. Theuri tell us it is important to peep what your woman is smsing. If it was not for the sent item on her phone, Mpesa would still be ramnyaring things that other three men still ranmya without makobosto. Never trust ladies of out that are always smsing or that always tell you they have your stomach.
I wont tell you not to eat people. I am not a relative of Jimmi Gathu. Eat them big time, even in the morning, in the office and in your car, but always observe the golden rule.. use makobosto all the time.
I remain,
Wanjohi wa Kigogoine.
On Wednesday night, i was with Theuri and some other guys in some place as we beat water and at the same time, waiting for the match between Man u vs ana ka team. There is nothing to write home about that match. It was like doing a person of trap. Its more than a guarantee that you will dip your tree. The other match coming next on Sunday, i.e. The BIG team Man U vs Chelsie is also rather too obvious. Its like a rich old woman calling on you at your house for a quickie and she comes along with a pack of Kamagra tabs to enable you work on her proper. (heheh remember who is refereeing this match? Webb, our own referee). So, with no doubt, you are assured of eating the rich sugar mama, unless, in an unlikely instance they come raining. We know they are past menopause, so chances of them raining is next to zero. If i was Kiraitu, i would say its like raping a willing... .. oops no. forget that.
Away from that, when Theuri came, he was accompanied by a guy we nicknamed Mpesa because he hardly carries hard cash. When its time to pay bill, he always say "No wina gikingi ndimuikiria Mpesaine?" (who has a k i send him) or "Do you guys run cards here?"
That day, Theuri say he had no money with him and Mpesa loaned him 2k. Just after withdrawing money , his phone started crying with endless calls. On seeing who was calling, his face turned sad and said:
"mangai andu aya matiri tha ma i. Ma kamuhiki gaka karenda guka kuria tubesha tutu ndaheo ni Mpesa o tha ici" (This people have no mercy. She want to come and eat this money Mpesa just give me).
When he called her back, the woman tell Theuri to send her credit. Theuri telled her to come there because we were only like 50 meters from her house but she say her mum has come from village to bring house girl and she cant come out. We laugh at Theuri and tell him he had been lied to. We tell him that that lady has a man in her house. We tell him that if it was her mum, she could have excused herself for 30 minutes, she come say hi and go back. But since it was another man in her house, she couldnt leave a man in her house and go for 30 minutes. Where will she say she had been to?
It is then that he start to sing this song "uuuuu aaahh uuuu ngai ndahoya ndukanareke ninuo ni njohi na ahiki" (oh God, i pray, do not let me be finished by beer and women).
As we beat water, Theuri tell us a story of a girl that Mpesa was eating sometimes ago. Theuri suffers from a disease called verbal diarrhea. He never keeps quet and never keeps secret and when he start talking, its pararapara. Mpesa had kept a woman and was paying for her house and shopping although she is written a good job and get paid over 25k every 30th of month. The trust became too much and he started to eat without makobosto. But with trust or no trust, it is not possible to eat one person 5 consecutive times and still use makobosto. kweli rongo?
One day when they were drinking, he see lady writing sms and getting may replies. Mpesa later borrow her phone to call someone as his phone had died of fire. After finishing calling, he looked at the phone's sent items. He see sms she had sended to a fella called Kaama. It readed like this: "ulipotea juu uliskia niko na mimba yako" (You lost because you heard i have your stomach). Mpesa confronted the lady but she say she she was joking with the man. From that day, he cut relief to that lady.
The climax of that story was that two months before, that woman tell Mpesa that she had his stomach and wanted to remove it. She asked for 15k to remove. Mpesa ask where she intend to remove it from and she say at Kencom house. Now theuri stop telling us story and first laugh until he fall on ground because, the lady had no stomach. Mpesa discovered that when he told the chick that he knows better joints that can remove stomach for lesser, one called Marie Stopes, pangani branch. He also say another one at Afya house i wunt name because it belong to a friend of my friend. They settled for Afya. When Mpesa inquired how much, he was told its 9k and it will be out in 30 minutes and she can even go back to work same time. She was told it was simpler to remove stomach that to remove teeth. Its called bloodless i dont know what. When he removed his phone to send money by Mpesa to the doctor, the lady said she has thoughted otherwise, she will keep baby. Mpesa begged her to remove but she say if she was to remove, it had to be at Kencom house because they have more experience and she know one nurse there and her privacy is guaranteed. Mpesa does not argue like Theuri, so he gave her the 15k and that was that.
That is how she removes men. Every month, alteast two men fall on that trap. Theuri tell us it is important to peep what your woman is smsing. If it was not for the sent item on her phone, Mpesa would still be ramnyaring things that other three men still ranmya without makobosto. Never trust ladies of out that are always smsing or that always tell you they have your stomach.
I wont tell you not to eat people. I am not a relative of Jimmi Gathu. Eat them big time, even in the morning, in the office and in your car, but always observe the golden rule.. use makobosto all the time.
I remain,
Wanjohi wa Kigogoine.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
When Keeping Mouth Shut is Golden at Times
There are times that when keeping your mouth shut is golden. I have opened my mouth in wrong time and so is Theuri, kwanza many times. The results are always disastrous. I know you have also opened your mouth in wrong time,
but dont worry. You are not worse than Theuri.
Before Theuri joined university, he come to stay with his uncle here in Nairobi so that he does not drink bangi like other children in the village. The Uncle's family lived in the village, just like what people of before used to do. They lefted their wives in village as they look for money in Nairobi. I told you before that that is mistakenly because, the chifu, the headmen, the headmaster and fetinary enjoy the things as you toil here in the city. In Theuri's case, however was different. He got himself several sidekicks or mama's reliever because, he travel to village only on Christmas or when villager die.
Theuris Uncle had a sidekick. The sidekick happened to come from same village as Kalonzo and Ngilu. Theuri's uncle did not hide the sidekick from him coz he took Theuri as a grown up maturity man and a man that can keep his mouth shut. How wrong was he, i tell you.
One day, the aunt came from shags and as they were having dinner of small rice and cabbage, the aunt started inquiring if her husband eat people. Theuri first acted protective until the aunt went to buy egg and cooked mikorogo for theuri. Mikorogo, for those of you who dont come from Kigogoine is chapati made of mixture of eggs and wheat-flour.
After eating and filling his stomach, the conversation started:
Aunt: "Ahh we theuri njira, ithe wa ciru ninjui ndangiaga mundu me ndugu (A theuri, tell me baba ciru must have somebody they are friends)
Theuri on remembering how his stomach was full of mikorogo and as you know he hardly shuts up replied " mhe mhe reke nguire, ndui ndahota gukuira ucoke umwire" (mh mh I can tell you then you will tell him)
Aunt " Ahh ndingimuira. Ndingitikira (Cant tell him.) Theuri started papara papara "makoragwo na muhiki ungi muikamba aikaraga nyumba iria iharia. Ona ni maciarite kairetu nake " (He moves with another lady of Kamba that lives there. They have even born one girl) Theuri gave all secret and woman just pretend to be happy.
Tomorrow morning when Theuri wakes up, he find aunt crying and the uncle seated there. The uncle told him to sit there. When he assessed the situation, he saw that things had bitten each other and he suspected the aunt betrayed him. The uncle started:
"Ehh Theuri, hari tumaundu urerire tataguo ira, ta cokera uria uremuirire ira " (Theuri, there are things you tell your aunt. Repeat what you tell her yesterday).
Theuri shaking testicles so bad say he did not say anything. Mama ciru then repeated all what Theuri had told him but Theuri denied.
"Na i nduranjirire ati makoragwo na muikamba uria wa haria corner ini na kinya nimaciarite nake? (Si you told me he to with a Kamba woman of that corner and they have even born). Theuri continue to deny. The uncle just sit there but say nothing. Mama ciru packed her things and went to village and picked all children and lost home. A whole clan of elders had to go to her father to persuade her to come back, but not after paying goat of woman (she-goat).
Later in evening, the uncle call Theuri in bar and they drink beer. He tell Theuri "You know what Theuri, I cant blame you for what you told Mama Ciru, but one day you will be a man like me. You will have a family, you will know the value of keeping quite about some things and you will understand why men do some things.
When he telled me that story, i remembered a story when i come to my uncle also. I was still a pupil at Kagumo secondary then. I see my uncle eat alot of people and when aunt come to visit, i feel so sorry for her. One day, i almost told her that uncle eats people. I dont know what held me back but i almost told her. Whenever i meet uncle, ((we are good buddies, sometimes i get him yellow yellow to climb, even old cat drink milk, you know), i tell him how i almost set him up one day. He laughs and tell me many stories of how he was caught and how he used to eat people and the stylos of borrowing. I will feature some of his stories here later because,
Thats life,
I remain,
Wanjohi wa Kigogoine.
but dont worry. You are not worse than Theuri.
Before Theuri joined university, he come to stay with his uncle here in Nairobi so that he does not drink bangi like other children in the village. The Uncle's family lived in the village, just like what people of before used to do. They lefted their wives in village as they look for money in Nairobi. I told you before that that is mistakenly because, the chifu, the headmen, the headmaster and fetinary enjoy the things as you toil here in the city. In Theuri's case, however was different. He got himself several sidekicks or mama's reliever because, he travel to village only on Christmas or when villager die.
Theuris Uncle had a sidekick. The sidekick happened to come from same village as Kalonzo and Ngilu. Theuri's uncle did not hide the sidekick from him coz he took Theuri as a grown up maturity man and a man that can keep his mouth shut. How wrong was he, i tell you.
One day, the aunt came from shags and as they were having dinner of small rice and cabbage, the aunt started inquiring if her husband eat people. Theuri first acted protective until the aunt went to buy egg and cooked mikorogo for theuri. Mikorogo, for those of you who dont come from Kigogoine is chapati made of mixture of eggs and wheat-flour.
After eating and filling his stomach, the conversation started:
Aunt: "Ahh we theuri njira, ithe wa ciru ninjui ndangiaga mundu me ndugu (A theuri, tell me baba ciru must have somebody they are friends)
Theuri on remembering how his stomach was full of mikorogo and as you know he hardly shuts up replied " mhe mhe reke nguire, ndui ndahota gukuira ucoke umwire" (mh mh I can tell you then you will tell him)
Aunt " Ahh ndingimuira. Ndingitikira (Cant tell him.) Theuri started papara papara "makoragwo na muhiki ungi muikamba aikaraga nyumba iria iharia. Ona ni maciarite kairetu nake " (He moves with another lady of Kamba that lives there. They have even born one girl) Theuri gave all secret and woman just pretend to be happy.
Tomorrow morning when Theuri wakes up, he find aunt crying and the uncle seated there. The uncle told him to sit there. When he assessed the situation, he saw that things had bitten each other and he suspected the aunt betrayed him. The uncle started:
"Ehh Theuri, hari tumaundu urerire tataguo ira, ta cokera uria uremuirire ira " (Theuri, there are things you tell your aunt. Repeat what you tell her yesterday).
Theuri shaking testicles so bad say he did not say anything. Mama ciru then repeated all what Theuri had told him but Theuri denied.
"Na i nduranjirire ati makoragwo na muikamba uria wa haria corner ini na kinya nimaciarite nake? (Si you told me he to with a Kamba woman of that corner and they have even born). Theuri continue to deny. The uncle just sit there but say nothing. Mama ciru packed her things and went to village and picked all children and lost home. A whole clan of elders had to go to her father to persuade her to come back, but not after paying goat of woman (she-goat).
Later in evening, the uncle call Theuri in bar and they drink beer. He tell Theuri "You know what Theuri, I cant blame you for what you told Mama Ciru, but one day you will be a man like me. You will have a family, you will know the value of keeping quite about some things and you will understand why men do some things.
When he telled me that story, i remembered a story when i come to my uncle also. I was still a pupil at Kagumo secondary then. I see my uncle eat alot of people and when aunt come to visit, i feel so sorry for her. One day, i almost told her that uncle eats people. I dont know what held me back but i almost told her. Whenever i meet uncle, ((we are good buddies, sometimes i get him yellow yellow to climb, even old cat drink milk, you know), i tell him how i almost set him up one day. He laughs and tell me many stories of how he was caught and how he used to eat people and the stylos of borrowing. I will feature some of his stories here later because,
Thats life,
I remain,
Wanjohi wa Kigogoine.
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