When Theuri Got Saved Temporarily.

Theuri has temporarily renounced satan. He is now a mini convert and is greeting his PM, "Bwana asifiwe".

Theuri's main talent lies heavily in telling lies with no end. That is why its not easy to believe his stories. I telled you before that if he hears a story, he can retell it until you will think that it indeed happened to him. That is why its not easy to buy this story he beated us last night, but it was hilarious.

We were beating dogogio last evening at Bee Centre near Kayore with him, Akuku and MPESA where meat and dogogio is pocket friendly. Small, we started to look at each other. We looked at each other until we started to suck glass since no one was willing to throw a round.

Theuri asked Akuku to buy a round, he saided unless he will climb the drinker. When MPESA was asked, he asked if he will buy with bells. When I was asked, I saided unless he has satan in his head because he knew I was only feeling bells in my pocket.

When it reaches such situation, Theuri knows how to make beer flow effortlessly and without abuses; by removing a long story of giant.

It is then that he started

"I nimui Kenyatta day mama yakwa irangorire ndithi kwa people ingi ya Church!" (Do you know on Kenyatta day, my PM found me at a persons house who is of church centre)

There there, we pulled chair inside inside to listen. Akuku then shouted

"Waiter, tarehera maraya ici mundu cufe imwe imwe na umere o mundu anyue arutite thuruari ndimahaice (bring one one beer for all these trappers and tell them to remove trousers I climb them)

And because abuses does not stick on your body, we saided let it come and if he has more abuses, let him throw them and throw another round as well.

Theuri then continued to beat us the story.

On Kenyatta day, Theuri wented to this persons house. She lives near his hood.

His PM had been given wind by enemies of his home about this persons, who they go to church together and is of choir centre. He had been warned that his hubby was seen several times with this persons. The enemies of his home telled him that he has also been seen entering her house.

On this day, she decided to lay a trap on him.

20th was Sunday. After church, Theuri putted legs on table as he read Sunday nation. Small, an sms came. It was from that persons of choir. It siaded "Njukitie ta ngoma" (I have ukiad like satan). There there, he remembered her big thuthats and brookies that have never been sucked by any baby in this world, even small. Theuri's tree stooded. He smsmed "Ndiroka o riu. Ruga kanyama kena firifiri na thufu muingi ndi njira" (Cook meat with pepper and much soup, I will be on my way"

It is Theuri, until his persons. He knocked and the persons opened door. She was in a night dress made of musquito nets material. Even when he had closed eyes, he could view clearly, her big runguthu hanging. He wanted to jump and start sucking it but she telled him to relax. He was putted meat of pepper and soup and rice. He was telled when he finish eating, they go to bathroom and wash body together so that it can be world class climbing.

AS he was eating, he was refusing to know how that meat was not finishing. He had eaten so much yet the plate looked full. Halfway, the persons came and sat opposite him. He looked at her brookies that had never been sucked by a baby pointing at him. He left food and jumped on them.

He sucked and sucked and small, he threw all his clothes on the floor. He then helped her undress her net.

Small, his tree was dancing inside her tiita. Then she telled him she come up where she started to jump jump up up on his josto.

Even before he could pour, they heard a knock on the door. She removed herself and went to check who was knocking. In her head, she was thinking it was her neighbor or a guy of takataka coming for his money since she was not expecting any visitor. Theuri was left lying in the seat facing up as his tree stooded sharp right.His josto is not like mine which stands coiling. IN his head, he was cursing whoever was knowing, disturbing the hot session.

She walked naked until door. She opened small, hiding her body from door so that she can hear what the visitor was saying.

On opening small, Theuri's PM entered with door. Theuri refused to know who was that that entered owners house as if she wanted war.

On looking, his PM was standing there. In his head, he thoughted he was dreaming. He piched himself to hear if its a bad dream. He saw he was not waking up.

On seeing Theuri with a standing tree, she started to scream in the loudest voice ever "uuui ukai muone. Mumaraya wa mutimie na hindio etuaga muhonoki uuu"
(uui, come and see, a trapper of a woman, and that time, she is of church)

When Theuri heard that most noise and anger was not first directed at him, he knew it was an opportunity to plead his case.

He jumped up, with now his tree without pressure, and telled his pm "Nyina Chris, reke nguire. Wa mebere ni ngai wakurehe guku thaa ici tondu hatiri undu ndakorwo ndeka. Nie ndioi ni ngoma iriku cinyitire. Uyu muiretu niwe ahenereirie njuke gwake, riu ndikumenyaga ni mitugo iriku akuendaga. Ngai ni munene woka thaa ici ugiririe maundu maria mangioneka na wiyonere niguo ngoma aconoke. Uyu muiretu akuendaga kuhingica" (Mother of Chris, let me tell you. First, it is God that has brought you here because you have come at the ample time when I had not done anything. I dont know which satan entered me. I dont know what this woman was upto. Thank God, you came in time to stop what was about to happen and also see for yourself and shame the devil. She wanted to lead me astray)

Small, his PM ran to her to tear her apart but she dashed to the bedroom and locked herself there. She threw abuses and killed things in the table room,but did not touch him. He was fearing she will throw things to him but she couldnt. She knows Theuri is fire to bask from far. You cant try violence on him because she has seen him fight big guys before. As she killed things in the table room, Theuri returned clothes.

AS he was beating us the story, all our ribs were dry, despite us knowing very well that this was a story he had made up. MPESA asked waiter to bring two two for each of us.

Theuri then continued with the story.

Kumbe there was a persons who was monitoring them and reporting live to the PM. The kind that does not like good things for anyone. Their work is to destroy what is not destroyed. The persons saw him enter and telled PM to come and burst them live. Although she was doubting the source, she came and confirmed her worst fears.

After crying and crying, she removed her phone and started to call all people she knew.

The first person she called was her pastor. She saided "Ta imagini ndakora Theuri kwa Mercy. Mercy etuaga ni wakanitha no ni mumaraya wa guthiaga na athuri ene. Ndamakora me nui eri nyumba" (Imagine I met Theuri at mercy's. Mercy pretended to be saved but is a trapper of woman snatching and going with people's husbands. I have met them naked completely)

Second phone, all her sisters and brothers. Even her mother was called and telled how Theuri was caught in a "trappers" house naked with tree standing.

When she was done with calling all people she knew, Theuri telled her

"Nie ngoma iyo ikuendaga kunyingira nindamikuma piu. PIU!! Irotoma piu!! Kwanja ninguhonoka riu. ngai umwe. Tuthie kwa pastor Muiru honoke honoke thaa ici thaa ici. Kana wite pastor wanyu. Caitani ndaranyedera wega ona hanini (That devil that wanted to enter me, I rebuke it completely. Kwanza I want to get saved right now. Lets go to Pastor Muiru I get saved right now. Or call your Pastor I get saved. Satan does not want anything good for me"

She looked at him still crying uncontrollably. In his head, he was refusing to know why whoever sent the PM there could do that. To what benefit was he/she to derive from the drama? He refused to know.

Her PM saided "Pastor aroka haha o thaa ici tucire, tiga kuiyugithia uguo (Pastor is coming here we case. Stop kuisayithia that)

Small, Pastor came. Despite the presence of the pastor, she did not remove from bedroom.

It is then Theuri telled Pastor, "Nie wambere, nyuma hakuhi kuhitia. Ndinakorwo ndeka undu. No tondu caitani kinya madharau enamo ri, umuthi ndirenda kuma kwa waing'a piu piu. Ndirenda uhusiano wakwa na shaitani uthire piu (One thing, I was about to sin. I had not done anything though. But because satan is bringing madharau, today, i want to remove from him completely. I want to severe any contact with him).

Theuri telled us that the pastor, in his heart was laughing and refusing to know why he was so stupid to be caught. He was drawing how he will be coming to that persons of choir and climbing and not getting caught.

Theuri was telled to kneel and was made to say the prayer of defecting from Satan's and having his name written in the book of life.

Even after getting saved, his pm never forgave him completely. She telled him that she had heard about that relationship and that she will never trust him again, even small.

Good completion of the story was rudely interrupted by us getting drunk by dogogio piu that kept flowing even from next table neighbors who were listening to Theuri.

But I can remember him saying that he has been greeting his pm "bwana asifiwe sana" Although she accepts those greetings, she putted conditions for him. Some are tough some are not. One of them was, not to put phone code on his phone and two, the toughest one to be home by 10 daily. The other one, as a saved one, he was telled leave dogogio completely. The last one was to stop lying.

Since 20th, it was the first time he had tasted dogogio and going home past 10PM.

We asked him what he will tell his pm, if he has returned back to satan.

He telled us that when he reaches his gate, he will start to sing...

♪♫ ♪♫ ndahunyokire ngiuma kwa waing'a, jethu akinjoya, akihuba riri wa uhonoki.
(I had pararad when I was removing from satan's, jesu took me, and putted me glory of salvation)

♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ Wanjohi, Akuku na Mpesa matire mauma kwa waing'a, no ndamahunjiria, manjira onao nimakuma kwa waing'a. Kwa waing'a ndigacoka (Wanjohi akuku na mpesa they are still at satan's, but I have preached to them, they have assured me they will leave satan's. At satan, I wont return)

♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫ No andu amwe a kwa waing'a tiega onhanini, nimatuma ngunde, iri mihehu, no ndigucoka kumahunjiria (People at satans are not good, they have made me drink two cold ones. I will not return to preach to them.)

♪♫ ♪♫ ♪♫Kwa waing'a nindacoka, gwake ringi, nindacoka, Kwa waing'a mundu ekoraga kuo, (At satan's, I am back, at satan's I am back, at Satan, you find yoursel there.)

I am,

Dagirari Onjohi

Snr Gyno, FAPORET (Fastest Pourer In Our Recent Times)