Where Do You Live?

• Although all these Suzzy Tujuane 'rants' is fast becoming tired, there is a story it reminded me small. Not funny but true.
  

  
  Majority of people that live in South C dont like people of Eastlands. Eastlands has been destroyed name for by persons from Far east. Far east is polite word for Uyore for those who comes from Ngarua and Kinoo. The persons of far east are famous for putting rice in peoples drink and also houses Mungiki. Therefore, I understand when people refuse to know.
  
  Same thing with us here. If you tell me you live in I dont know porshy estate, I first think of the next "unfavorable" estate near where mentioned. Like if a persons tells you she lives in Umo 2, fill for yourself she lives in far east. If a persons tells you she lives in Pangani, fill for yourself that it is Mathare. If it says it is Ngong rd, that is Kawangare. It is says Thika road, it is either Githurai near thiefs or Mathare north. I will tell you why.
  
  Not long ago, as I was swinging nyees in town, I entered an exhibition that sells clothes. I entered and scanned through and in one shop, I saw a persons that looked like sun from out, just like that Tujuane shick. Infact sunner coz she was taller and was smiling to me.
  
  She was the kind that you say, if you climb her, you will stay for one week without washing that josto so as not to wash that feeling away. In head, I knew it was an uphill task to get her come to Magomano because she looked soo sun and demand looked like it was very very high. She is the kind you call at 8 and she tells you.. 'imagin niko home, mpangoless". You refuse to know how that can happen, of all the persons. She is supposed to be with rich of the surrounding, destroying money with them, not mpangoless.
  
  To emerge on top, I to do what a clever wama rabbit would do - show them the money. Show them that you work at Delarue.
  
  Fast forward, small she agreed to come and help the leader to destroy few thousands.
  
  When she came, she ordered Black ice. If a persons asks for Black Ice, I knewed it was on head. Persons put thuruari on head faster if they take black ice, so it was a guarantee I was going to eat a sun like persons.(And by the way, KBL should go to satan. That Snapp shit has complicated our game. It does not eat them faster and well well like Black Ice and all persons have now turned to that shit)
  
  As we talked about "her" business, she asked me where I live. Since I had telled her that I work for the man drawn in 40 bob coin (You dont say directly Delarue, many persons dont know, so you must include the owner of the business) she looked at me like she refused to know. She saided that most Eastlands people are so ghetoish. Eastlands people dont know what fries is, 50% think it is meat of fry, and the other 50% think it is those things that lives near latrines, easlands people dont know how to dress and dont speak good english, and dont know Opennings.
  
  I took that as a compliment and telled her that nevertheless, she should never blacken a tractor because of dust. People that own Nairobi comes from Muranga, then Eastlands. When I asked her where she lived, she telled me she lived in Ngumo estate. There there, I knew that I was dealing with a baby of rich and cannot be climbed in Ngara or other funny places like Nawas, rest, thuruari will refuse to be removed.
  
  After she refused to know herself, we wented to a place called OAKWOOD Guest house, only Rich allowed.
  
  For those who dont know nairobi well, it is opposite The Stanley. Room go for 6k plus for ONE DAY ONLY!!. And you dont go with the bed in the morning. That is for sleep ing and you leave like that.
  
  As I was climbing her, I was telling myself that I was climbing a baby of a rich person and that made me feel good 5 times over.
  
  After on joti, like a person who had been bewitched, tree refused to wake up again. I tried and tried and when I saw it could not wake up even with medicine, I telled the persons I drop her home
  
  She was not liking the idea but she washed herself and removed from room.
  
  When we reached Ngumo, she directed me to a gate near where matatus reach end. She then entered gate and I lefted.
  
  I dropped her many other times because she did not feel like not having to be climbed by a guy that works for the guy in the 40bob not. One day, I saw a persons in the same exhibition. She had heard with rumor that I work for Delarue and I remove money so easily like satan, so she wanted to have a share.
  
  Small, she putted it on head. Though she wasnt so sun, was momo medium and very very hot tiita. Not the tiita you want to leave like that. And she was not expensive. Word went round and reached this sun persons. She was planted and was warned to keep off. She was telled that the way she puts it on head for every dick and tom,she should keep off coz I dont eat of to die.
  
  Later I met the mini momo, the putter of head to every one, she telled me
  
  "Unajua ni kwanini ule dame hatakangi tuongee? tutaoa siri zake. Eti anakwambiaga anaishi wapi?
  
  I saided Ngumo. She telled me "She has carried you babish like the way she carries other men. She lives in Kibera Raini saba. What she does is, she enter that court and when you leave, she gets escorted by soldiers until Kibera. There is a ka chum that enters Kibera. Be wise"
  
  I refused to believe but saided, is it that I want to go live with her parents or is it her tiita that I want. Whether is from Kibera, or Lavi, or Far east, as long as you are not putted medicine, or talked bad like Tujuane, there is no harm.
  
  Infact, that made me save more coz I was climbing her in cheap lodgings from then.
  
  But to satisfy my curiosity, coz in head, it was telling me there is no way persons that looks like sun can live there. There are thousands of men with money who can remove them there if indeed that is her hood. So, one day, I decided to go during day time and see that ka chum that enters for Ngumo stage to Kibra. True, there is, it leads until Chiefs office and Kibera inside piu.
  
  I am not saying it is bad to live in Kibera, but it is bad to say
  Eastlands people are ghetoish when indeed you live in Kibra. Even South B or South C borders Mukuru. (I dont know which is which, I know one is opposite the other, but according to Tujuane, "C" removes celebrity malaria)  So, it is bad to say South ABCD.
  
  I remain,
  
  This Man,
  Dagitari Onjohi
  Snr. Gyno
  Seer of many