Customer Care: How To Deal With Wanjohi

A few minutes ago, my phone cried and on looking, a call was coming from 0733100000. In head, it telled me that that is Airtel Kenya calling to tell me they are about to refund the money they wrongfully deducted from my Airtel money on 4th. Even before picking, the first thing that came to my mind was what to do with that "forgotten money. First thing was Buru massage, then dogogio with no end in the evening. Caller: (in soft voice) I am calling from Airtel Kenya and my name is (forgot). Who I am talking to?

Me: You wanted to talk to who?

Caller: I can see you contacted our customer care numberous times a couple of weeks ago.

Me: Ok ok. My name is Dr. Onjohi, Snr. Gyno.

Caller: What was the issue and was it sorted out?

Me: The issue was with Airtel money. Yeah? I attempted to withdraw some money from Family ATM. The money never came out, and I was deducted 3 times. Can you believe that? But there was a partial refund that was done, actually not from Airtel money, but some individuals who work there who could not handle my pressure.

Caller: Ok. What you need to do, call 111, then choose option 5, that is Airtel money department, they will solve it

Me: (Feeling anger all over me) Escuuuusss me madam, you called me, right? Were you calling to offer solution or to add more pressure to me? ah!. FYI, I gave up on that money. If you were not calling to tell me you have finnaly resolved, you can escuss me. I was in the middle of something.

Caller: Ok. Thanks and I hope you will have wonderful experience with Airtel in future.

This has forced m to revisit the issue I had long forgotten. Even Martin lefted them with 1k they refused to return after he had sent to a dormant number.

On wed last week, I happened to be along Mbsa Rd. When I reached parkside towers, and I had some time to waste, I decided to pop in there and makes someone's life miserable if they were unable to solve the issue.

Fast forward:

I went to one customer care rep who had a tag written Monica Kinyua. When I explained, she dismissed me and telled me to go to Family. I maintained my cool and explained all over again.

That is when she logged in to her comp and checked. She checked and checked, then said all is ok. I pointed to her to explain why some money was missing. I took her through step by step of all my transaction. Check my bal. on 3rd. She ckecked. On 4th. she checked and refused to know why some money was missing, without saying where it went.

Monica Kinyua: How much did you withdraw?
Me: How much can you see from your system.
Monica Kinyua: 123
Me: Whats the bal. after?
Monica Kinyua: 345
Me: And why is that?
Monica: You withdrew money.. Did you withdraw 3 times?
Me: Thats why I am here. Is it possible to withdraw 3 times using the same ATM authoorization code?
Monica Kinyua: I can see you withdrew.. once... same trasnaction code. And where did this money go?
Me: Are you asking me?
Monica Kinyua: Did you withdraw money from Equity?
Me: Is it possible to withdraw Aritel money from Equity ? I just queried from "Withdraw from ATM option" on the menu. Got negative. Thats why ur seeing Equity there. Or does it indicate money was withdrewed?
Monica Kinyua: And where did the money go?
Me: I told you to query your system. Thats a stupid question to ask a customer Monica Kinyua: If you become rude like that I will not serve you. You understand me?

(I was attempted to tell her to to go to satan, but I retrained myself) Me: Since you can point out the anomaly, can I have the money returned to my account, then you are left queering the system. Is it made in Shina?

She looked at me very very bad the, she called another customer care lady to come and help her resolve. In head, I got that she was either an intern or very very clueless of her job there, or damn lazy. The other lady also refused to know and advised her to call someone, I guess her boss. Monica didnt have the phone password so, she asked the lady to open the phone for her. I refused to know why she would seat on that desk if she was not allowed to make calls using the desk phone.

She talked to a person called Debbie. Debbie also dismissed and said that it was all well. I said I am not going anywhere until I am sorted out. I told her to make Debbie understand the same way I made her understand.

When she was relucant at first, I telled her

Me: Can you put me through to Sidney?
Monica Kinyua: Who is Sidney?
Me: He is your boss
Monica Kinyua: I dont know him.
Me: Thats why you are clueless of what is expected of you if you dont know your bosses
Monica Kinyua: You are very arrogant
Me: Thank you.

Phone was opened again for her to call Debbie. She made Debbie to understand same way I made her understand. After a few minutes, Debbie called and said that my account will be credited with the thieved amount within 24hr. I telled Monica Kinyua not to forget to also refund the transactions fees.

Before leaving, I sensed I was just being dismissed because it was almost 6, they wanted to go home or to those expensive dogogio place along mombasa rd.. So I continued

Me: What if the issue is not resolved within 24 hrs?
Monica Kinyua: Call the customer care
Me: Give me Cusotmer cares number of this center
Monica Kinyua: You call 111......
Me: I swear I cant dare call that number. Those are telemachines. I want real people. Give me the number I will reach you on?
Monica Kinyua: We dont have a customer care number here. You will have to call 111 Me: I told you I cant. I am just following this to know what I will do, incase I was following 100k. Not that I need that money. You saw the bal in that account? that should tell you I to follow that small amount. But I am entitled to every cent in my account? I not?.
Monica Kinyua: I dont even know this extension.
Me: Give me your number then?
Monica Kinyua: We dont give our numbers to customers!
Me: Maaam, seriously?! you dont know your extention, you dont know your carecentre number...you dont know your boss, next time, you will tell me you dont know this building.
Monica Kinyua: : ok ok ok. 0733330778

Satan tells me in ear to call to confirm it if will enter. I get "Sorry, the number you have called is switched off"

Me: That number is off maam! (She is twedi something, but I want her to feel bad about herself)
Monica Kinyua: Yes, but tomorrow it will be on.

I SMDH (Shaked my Dick Head) and walked out, knowing very very well that Airtel has stolen me with chest.

I would wish they can learn one or two things from like my favorites.

1. Coop:

Coop banks "Hello, Wangeci speaking, can I help you?"
Me: Give me card center
Coop bank: Kindly call this numer if you want to...
Me: Madam, escussss me. I called this number coz its on the back of my card. Give me card center. I have used this number before, so dont tell me stories oh!
Coop bank: Ok, Mr. Wanjohi, hold the line as we transfer you to...
Me: I am Doctor Wanjohi please.
Coop bank: Sorry Doc. Hold the line I put your through.
Me: You should!.

Small time

Card center (with heavy kale accent): Hello card center can I help you Me: Yes, I was trying to do an online transaction but my card is being declined. You having some problem or something
Card center (with heavy kale accent): Give me your card number Sir Me: 123456456
Card center (with heavy kale accent): How much did you want to transaction Sir? Me: 99 doras
Card Centre(with heavy kale accent: ( Chuckles small) Have you checked your balanace sir. Maybe you have insufficient funds
Me: I just deposited 50,000 via mpesa.
Card centre (with heavy kale accent): Sometimes mpesa transation takes an hour to reflect. Its not realitime kindly call the customer care and confirm the money was deposited.
Me: What do you mean by realtime now?
Card center (with heavy kale accent): Immediate sir!
Me. Ok. Use simple English when talking to me. I deposited like 3 hrs ago. Check from your end. You work for coop.
Card centre (with heavy kale accent): Unfortunately I cannot access your account balance....
Me: Boss.. I am not. I know you can because you have done that before.
Card centre (with heavy kale accent): Ok. give me your account number
Me: 123456
Card bank (with heavy kale accent): I dont think you have enough to transact 99 dollars. You have two hundred shillings Sir...
Me: Eish.. And why does Nationhela says it takes imediate to tranfer from mpesa to my card?
Card centre (with heavy kale accent): This is Coop bank sir. We dont deal with nationhela.
Me: Shit. I dialled the wrong number
Card centre (with heavy kale accent): Dont worry sir. Thank you for calling Coop bank card centre and have a good afternoon.

It is me, until Nationhela.
Nationhela: Thank you for calling Nationhela. You are talking to Lincoln, how can I help you?
Me: I deposited money on my card, has it arrived?
Nationhela: Kindly give me your mobile number sir.
Me: 123456
Nationhela: Sir, I can see a deposit of 500 bob on 5th Jan No other transaction.
Me: Thank you I just wanted to confirm. I will be depositing 50k soon. Hope you are not having delays?
Nationhela: We are game sir. And thank you for calling Nationhela. And next time you want to check balance, you can dial *348#
Me: I cant! Ah. You dont know it eats Kshs. 15 of my airtime every time I query my balance? Ah!
Nationhela: Sorry sir, and soon, we will address that soon.

Moral of the story:

If only Airtel can learn to call me Sir!

I remain,

Dagitari Wanjohi.
Snr. Gyno, River Rd. Inc.
Sns. Partner, REASM (Rich Enaf to be Stolen by Multinationals).