Miguna Miguna's Blood in Me Backfires.

You got to have nyees of steel to reject a job you had previously fought for. To reject such a thing, you must have the blood of Miguna. If you have no idea who Miguna is, it is the guy that was rubbed job small by his boss for making himself his own maker. After getting rubbed, he then threaten to write a book about about all 'muclimbano' stories he knows about his boss. But since no one want stories of muclimbano shared with the  public, the boss closed one eye on him and told him to cool small. He then sent his GM to tell him that he can have his job back. Instead of kneeling down to thank God that he has finally gotten back a job he had been fighting for, he told the GM that he cannot talk to a 'subordinate'.

When i was doing Microsoft word, I learn t to use Thesaurus. Thesaurus tells you meaning of some words and when i checked what subordinate means, i refused to know.  It should only be refereed to a person that cleans the office floor and the one that is sent to pick mails from Posta and our receptionist.  If you refer any other person as subordinate, that amounts to abusing the Queen of England and all those that speaks English.

Further to refusing his job, he also said that he cannot be reporting to another subordinate called Mwas. In short, he told them to go climb.

I was in the same situation a while back.  One day,  I was first written as subordinate, to be sent here and there. After few days, worked harder until the  boss realized that i could save word document faster than the secretary. There there, he elevated me to a position where I started interacting with people with steel nyees where i started making a name for myself.

There is a talent i was given that is extra ordinare. And that is pretending. In my course of saving word documents, i pretended that i was not given loud mouth and that i could keep what i see and hear to myself.  The boss trusted me so much until he started  to send me to get him persons of out.

In my course of pretending, he thoughted that i was also so intelligent when i provided a solution that could rival Mayans or ancient Shinese sage. One day, he asked us to brainstorm on something. He told us to think of ways to kill a cockroach without using a cent on doom or ua mende, ua kunguru, hautawai ona mende kwako.

The Gm suggested that we can use Mwiko. He rejected the idea because that involved spilling blood. The accountant said we starve them. he rejected that too because he said that that would cause uproar from the Hague. Only North Korea can do that. The receptionist and secretarial said we can throw it out of the window. That was  rejected  because he said cockroaches can fly small. I lifted my hand, stood up, then cleared my throat , then in loud voice, i said it was simple. Just take the cockroach and turn it upside down. When legs face up, it will die there there, naturally.  He got impressed by the idea and loved me more.

In my head, i telled myself that the boss trusted  and liked me so much. From that day, I started to be the boss of other bosses and people written there, even those with higher rank than me, including the general manager. To me, he was like any other subordinate

In that office, everybody started to both loathe and hate me. Serious hate. After everybody hated me, they conspired to have me kicked in the balls once and for all. One good morning, I woke up to report to work late as I had been used to. I had been used to going to work late because no one could question me.  When i entered the office, I saw everybody smile. Before, they used to frown whenever i entered the office, so i was refusing to know what had changed. Others used to shake nyee because i could authorize their transfer to Mogadishu or have their medical cover terminated without consultation

Before passing the reception desk, the secretarial and receptionist told me to come and save  a document that she had just finished typing. Like i was used to doing, i told her to wait until i finish reading all newspapers.

She gave me a look until i refused to know. When i attempted to walk past, a security guard jumped and told me to have my nyees frisked first because i was no longer trusted because i had been seen in  some company that had similar description of Alshabaab.

I resisted and asked him if he knew who i was. He told me that even if i was my uncle, he would still frisk me. He told me to take my who is me to my house. There there, i refused to know what devil had catched him. The same fella that was saluting me days before was now frisking me. 

That is why i am refusing to know why people are condemning the Deputy Shief justice, just because she threatened to shoot one security guard. If ti was Prof. Obel, somebody would have been down. Again,  any of us would have done the same. Infact i hate all security guards, especially of banks. The other day, i wanted to hit one on his nyees after he refused me to enter a bank after i was late with 47 seconds. I begged and begged and the more i begged, the more he refused. I have also had been refused to enter some places by a security guard even after introducing myself as a coveted nephew of the man that lives behind University of Nairobi.

After he finished, he gave me a go ahead to enter the reception desk.  Before saving , i decided to read the doc first. What i saw made my nyees go in my stomach. The content said that I had been suspended for gross misconduct, including climbanaring in the office. In the same letter, it said that it had images of me captured by CCTV climbanaring.

I had climbanad countless times but was never aware that they had installed CCTV. Before refusing to know what to do, the secretary called the security guard downstairs and instructed him to escort me until i was out of the building. I was not even allowed to enter my office until the investigations were complete.

Once I was out of the building, i dialed my boss's no. When he picked, he answered
"mundu nu?" (who is this).
I refused to know how he had lost my number. I said "Ni Wanjohi" (Its wanjohi). He asked which and i said Wa Kigogoine. He said he knows so many Kigogoines and i should introduce myself properly.   When i told him it is the one that is saves documents where he is the boss, he laughed small and said he will call back when he finishes the meeting.

From that day, i tried to plead with the boss, telling him that people in that office wanted to finish me because i was royal to him. I told him that if indeed there were images of me climbing, it was manipulated by programs like Photoshops. He said how on earth that was possible. I Photoshopped one photo of my uncle being whipped by auntie but where. He said it was real picture and told me to have good head. He asked me if had remained one boil before being born because it appeared i had not boiled completely.

When it became apparent that i was about to rubbed after the suspension, i emailed the boss and told him that i will write a story on Wanjohi daily on how he climbanas, even without makobosto. I told him that i will also share with my fb buddies once i write.  I told him that because I had heard with rumors that he wanted to vie for a political office, it will, for sure finish him once and for all. Because i am a master photo shopper, I Photoshopped pictured of him climbing the secretary and sent it to him. I told him that I will also send it to his pm and political opponents. When he viewed the picture, he believed it was real and refused to know how he got captured. Because none of his age mates know you can manipulate an image,  I threatened to circulate the picture during this erection year.

I then called the secretarial aka receptionist and told her that i have a damning report and photos of  her affair with the boss and that i will send the report to her fiancee. Due to her momo structure and her year of birth, destroying her current relationship would spell another many years of solo status. Although our blood never mixes after she threatened to sue me when i entered the office singing wa ka half's song "Ino ni momo...", on this day, she begged me like the way you can beg a person of out that has removed thuruari but has refused to put legs apart.

There there, they all started to run hector skater  in order to prevent me from writing the story. After few hours, they sent the General manager to my rifa rodi shop to tell me that i can have my job back.

Although i badly need the job back, I wanted to make their nyees shake. I heavily borrowed Migush's tactic told the GM that I don't take orders from sub Ordinates and if indeed he wanted me back, he should come in person to my house when sun is in the middle, not at night.

When he was leaving, i smiled on outside but i was sad on inside. I wanted my job back and the influence i had but i wanted to make them shake nyee one more time.

I have not heard from them again. But a cat has nine lives. And in any case, since i still have wanjohidaily,  i can still make some money. Again, my rifa rori shop is still there. But I want big money. I want ideas of how I can make them shake nyees again. I want them to beg me. This is erection year, we must touch money but can only touch properly if we are on the inside.

Give me ideas...

PS:  Buying a comp? For the best deal in town for new & used Laptops, Desktops & Phones: Call Sue on 0722 33 74 63 or email compusak@yahoo.com. All ex USA. or Visit: Jamia Mall. (Nairobi, Kenya)

I remain,

Wanjohi wa Kigogoine